Escaping district 12
by Dendroica
Summary: The story of how Madge escapes from district 12 and joins the rebellion. Starts during Catching Fire and occurs primarily during Mockingjay. (Mostly) Madge POV and as Canon-compliant as possible. In progress. :)
1. Prologue

**A/N: Of course the Universe of the Hunger Games & it's characters (including the Undersees, Hawthornes, and district victors) belong to Suzanne Collins.**

**Prologue is in Mayor Undersee's POV, everything after will be Madge's POV. Borrowed 'Henry' as Mayor Undersee's first name from Medea Smyke's "An Extra Dividend."  
**

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Henry Undersee wants nothing more than to take care of his little girl. She's not so little anymore, but that doesn't change his need to protect her from the cruelties of the world. It had taken him years to  
develop a plan for her escape, in the event of any serious Capitol threat in 12. But now that the time is here, he's filled with fear and doubt. How can he let her out of his sight, and trust she'll be okay?  
What if something goes wrong, or his family can't help her?

He also wants to protect his district, which has been harder and harder to do, ever since Katniss Everdeen volunteered as tribute to the Hunger Games. He likes to think he's done what he could for District 12 over the years. But that was all in the past. Recently he'd become more and more convinced that eventually, the Capitol would use Madge against him, and he couldn't bear to think of that happening. The Mayor hadn't even known of Peacekeeper Cray's replacement, which told him all he needed to know about trusting Thread. When Thread came and the Hob burned, he knew it was time to bring Madge in on his plans.

She was still preoccupied with the boy who was whipped. "Madge, I'm sorry ... You know that what they do is illegal. I can't stop Thread from enforcing these things." He pauses, feeling guilty himself. Was it not his fault that the hunter was so incautious, that he was accustomed to officials who not only turned a blind eye, but enjoyed their share of the illegal spoils? Henry pushes the thought away and turns back to Madge. She's spent her whole life learning how to be the perfect mayor's daughter, doing everything the Capitol would want. In the house, and in public, not a word out of place. It's their own private prison – and he knows she hates it. "I know you've been going to the woods with Katniss. I don't think she'll be going anymore, but if she does - I shouldn't need to tell you. You are not going." He reproaches her gently but firmly. Madge nods her agreement, her eyes glued to the ground and her cheeks burning guiltily. Henry can't blame her for her own personal rebellion – he can only hope she's picked up a few things from Katniss in their time together.

"Madge, what have you seen in my study? On the broadcasts." Madge bites her lip and after a pause, stammers, "just – umm – reports? A couple reports by that lady and - there was fighting. In 8 and ... once in 3? Peacekeepers were ..." she trails off, choking on the words. She's almost turning green, and he can imagine the type of scene she could have witnessed. They don't censor the footage of peacekeeper violence sent to district officials. "Good. Then you know how serious it is. It's not just in 8 and 3. There's been a lot of unrest this winter." Skipping over the role Katniss played in sparking the unrest, the Mayor calmly drops the bombshell, "and You can't be here when 12 revolts." He's caught her off guard, as planned. She was expecting a reprimand, not a revolution. Her eyes raise to his face showing her fear and confusion. "Revolts? What? But ... But there's no rebellion here. We haven't done anything. ... We're safe here, aren't we daddy?"

The mayor sighs. If only that were true. "Sweetheart, things are changing. The Capitol is already working against us. You've seen what Thread has done, and he's just getting started. I won't be able to protect you from him." She's silent now, her face bleak. He is sure that she is thinking of that boy - Thread's first victim at the whipping post, Katniss's "cousin", the boy who had brought her strawberries. He knew it wasn't general benevolence that had driven her to take him the morphling.

Then Henry tells his little girl about district 4, about his sister's family. He explains how he has planned for her escape, and how difficult it will be for her. He can't tell her the truth. Instead he tells her a story - a story she will believe, where her father knows what to do, with a happy family reunion at the end. A story she will follow to District 4.

The announcement of the Quell decides it. The Capitol is going to kill their Victors, trying to take out the natural leaders of district rebellion – and Madge's friends. Madge helps Katniss, Peeta and Haymitch prepare, sharing their Capitol newspapers with them. Henry knows she won't tell them about District 4 or what she knows about the uprisings. They have enough to worry about, and she is too ashamed of having the resources to even attempt escape; she couldn't tell friends who are already caged victims of the Capitol.

The mayor watches the coal export schedules. Together they study every bit of Capitol propaganda that reaches them. By the time of the reaping for the Quell, his plan is in place. Her best chance is a train departing the day the Quell begins. It's the train that will carry the Capitol reporters out of the district. It's a risky choice, since the reporters know her, but it's the best option they have.

When the day arrives, Mayor Undersee acts like it is any other day. When he goes to the train station to sign off on the shipments for the Capitol, Madge is hidden in the back of the store room. He hugs her tightly to his chest before helping her into the trunk. He makes her recite the plan one final time. Before he leaves, he tells her that he loves her, that her mother loves her. He whispers to her, "Be brave for us. We'll all be together again soon." He doesn't know if she believes him. He wishes it weren't a lie.

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A/N: we know from Canon that Mrs. Undersee's health is poor and that the mayor gets news from the Capitol that includes the uprisings. I think the mayor knows that officials and their families will be targets for both Capitol and rebels. He can't do anything for his wife but if he could protect Madge he would. I've chosen this explanation because I think it interferes the least with Canon. I leave it up to the reader to decide what he mayor's involvement in the rebellion is.


	2. Madge

Peeta once said I was brave, but as I wait in the train station I know nothing I've done up 'til now has been of any consequence. Gale got it right - I really am just a spoiled townie. I'm pretty sure the Capitol has kept me out of the reapings - keeping me safe as leverage against my father. What will happen now? How long will it be until Thread realizes I'm not sick in bed? Daddy wouldn't tell me enough of his plans, other than showing me the recording device. My voice is the only part of me that will stay in 12. Still, he'd seemed to think of everything, so what could I do but trust him? I couldn't believe he was really going through with it, sending me away, especially after we'd learned about uprisings in district 4.

When it came right down to it, sneaking my trunk in with the Capitol reporters' luggage was unbelievably easy. When daddy comes to check on me at the train station, he helps me into the trunk and then makes sure I can release the latch from inside. The wire is barely noticeable. As I hug him goodbye, I can't hold back the tears. He wipes my cheeks with a freshly pressed handkerchief and pushes it into my hand. Back in the trunk, my 'survival pack' as I call it is nestled to my chest. The lid swings down and everything goes dark. He whispers for me to be brave. And then he's gone, and I'm alone.

I wait in the dark, paralyzed with fear. I manage to stay silent through the loading, putting all my effort into silence and slow, quiet breaths. My trunk is lifted in the cargo compartment on the train along with the rest of the Capitol luggage. The compartment is uncomfortably warm and smells like industrial cleaner. Once the peacekeepers leave and I feel the sway of the moving train, I allow myself a moment of weakness, releasing my tensed body and letting the shaky breath and quiet sobs wrack through me.

Tears stream silently down my face and I think about everything I'm leaving. Of course my family is the hardest, but at least I could say goodbye to them. Peeta and Katniss are already in the Capitol waiting to see who will die in the arena, both expecting it to be them. After the interviews last night the victors joined hands a split second before the screen went black. Today they enter the arena. How long will any of us last?

After Katniss and Peeta in my personal list of important people, I'm down to Gale, who will probably be the last person in district 12 to realize I'm gone. I thought I'd given up on my Gale fantasies, but now I imagine him finding me back at the train station. Would he have been impressed by my courage, wanting to come with me to district four where he could join the rebellion? I half-snort at my own ridiculous wishful thinking. More likely he'd have glared at me hatefully, because it's my family's wealth and position that makes my escape both necessary and possible. Gale would ignore the necessity and only see my unfair opportunity. This thought sends fresh tears down my face. I know it's stupid and thinking of Gale won't do me any good, but I can't help it.

I get plenty of air in the trunk; unfortunately I also get a fair share of claustrophobia and fear. As my body stiffens and aches from the close quarters, I retreat into my music, calling it up in my head, pressing my fingers to my legs as they silently play out the sad melody I still associate with the hunter. I may be wallowing, but the routine calms me and keeps me steady. I think how preposterous this whole situation is. My world has been changing too quickly ... I wonder what it could look like a day, a week, a month from now. If I'm still alive. If I haven't been captured by peacekeepers. Ugh, I can't keep thinking this way. I deliberately change the melody in my head to a complicated sonata I'm still learning; it makes for a more effective distraction.

The train rumbles on down the track, carrying me away from everything I know and love. Before each district, I can hear peacekeepers walk through the compartment and I break out in a cold sweat. Later, a group of them returns, loading the luggage of the next set of Capitol reporters. When we get to 8, things are different. A pair of sentries stay at the door to the compartment, and no luggage is brought in. I can hear pieces of their conversation – at first they must be talking about the situation in district 8, but then I pick up something about a jungle, which confuses me, until they continue about weapons and a cornucopia, and I realize the games must have started, and they are talking about the arena. I wonder what is happening to Katniss and Peeta. Hours have passed and the warm dry air (or maybe just my nerves) have left me parched, so once the train is rolling out of district 8 and the sentries leave, I pull my water bottle and some food from my pack.

It's early morning when we reach four, and the peacekeepers come through the compartment as usual. I haven't slept, and I'm exhausted but so keyed up I'm shivering despite the warmth. Before they leave, a high nasal voice rings out, "On your guard. Those victors are setting a bad example." With that, the whole group trails out of the compartment. I wonder what's going on in the arena to spark such a comment. I take a deep breath and ready myself for my final flight. My braid is pulled up under a loose cap and contact lenses from the Capitol tint my eyes green. I briefly grip the knife taken from my kitchen back in 12, before leaving it in my pack. Time to go.

I'm halfway across the compartment when I hear muffled footsteps beyond the door. I panic, and throw myself behind the closest pile of luggage, painfully hitting my elbow in the process. I press myself against the wall of the compartment; my heart pounds in my chest. The compartment door opens and the footsteps pass to the far side of the piles of luggage. There's no place to hide and I am sure I'll be caught in a matter of seconds. I peer desperately through a slit between the trunks hiding me, but can't see anything. There are the sounds of luggage being moved around and then the footsteps are coming back toward me and the door. I catch a glimpse of a young Capitol attendant carrying a small stylish bag, and jerk backward before I can stop myself – and thump quietly against another set of luggage. In that split second I know I am dead for sure. A strange animal-like noise comes from the direction of the man, who has frozen in place. Why did I leave my knife in the bag? Can I possibly get to it before the attendant takes me into custody? Reaching for it will only make more noise – will it matter? The attendant hasn't moved – maybe he doesn't realize I'm here, and thinks the noise came from beyond the compartment? It seems like hours pass, though it must only be a moment. I slowly reach back to my bag, find the knife, and slide it out of the bag. Almost silently. Almost. I can't see anything, but I'm poised behind the knife with the knife raised when I hear the young man continue to the compartment door and leave without a word. What just happened? All I can think is that any second he'll return with Peacekeepers in tow.

Fearing I'm walking straight into a trap, I bolt through the compartment, out the far door, and to the door of the train. I'm between two compartments and take a moment to the situation outside the train door – the platform is mostly empty, except for a pair of Peacekeepers standing on the platform, facing the station. No sign of the young man; he must still be on the train, in the compartments toward the front of the train. I'm debating whether I can make it to the end of the platform without being seen, when I notice two Capitol reporters walking from the train toward the Peacekeepers, down the platform. One of them is gesturing frantically. I crack the door of the train to hear her shrill voice, "… I sent my attendant _ages_ ago. Where is my bag?" The Peacekeepers have turned to them, facing away from me so I can't make out their gruff response. While the Peacekeepers are preoccupied, this is my opportunity. I ease the door open, verify that no one is looking in my direction, and sprint for the far end of the platform. I reach the end and look back over my shoulder as I turn to drop over the edge. That's when I see the young man again, looking abashed and standing with the reporter who now has ownership of her bag again, the same one I'd glimpsed in his hands back in the luggage compartment. He is not exactly facing me, but I have the feeling that he's seen my race across the station platform. I'm confused, wondering who he is and why he hasn't turned me in to the Peacekeepers, but I don't have time to ponder it because just then the other Peacekeepers exit the station with arms filled with luggage for the train. I drop to the ground behind the platform, and crouch behind the landscaped shrubbery of the district four train station, gasping for air.

I've been gripping the knife tightly through my escape from the train. After a quick drink, I tuck my water bottle and the knife back into my survival pack. My stomach is churning and there is no way I can eat anything. Even if I could, now isn't the time. I don't think the Peacekeepers saw me, but for all I know that attendant could be reporting me at this minute, so I keep moving, sneaking along the edge of the platform toward the train station and town. There aren't many people on the street outside the train station, and I stay off the side of the road as I head away to the south. The sun is just up above the horizon, and after a few blocks there are more people in the streets. Before I know it the city seems to swallow me up into a complex web of busy streets. District four is huge – I knew it was much bigger than 12 but this is bigger than I could have imagined. It's hard not to stop and stare at the strange storefronts, especially in the areas that show signs of recent fighting, but I force my head down and I continue heading south, also cutting east. My aunt's family is supposed to live in a part of town along the coast. The land seems to slope down to the south and east, so this should lead me to the right part of town. I only hope I can find them in this huge labyrinth.

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**A/N: So begins Madge's escape from 12, and our adventures in district 4 begin. The capitol attendant, for those curious, is an avox.**


	3. District Four

I work my way through District 4, trying to navigate the unfamiliar streets. It's still morning and I haven't gotten too far, when I hear fighting several blocks away: angry shouts, pained screams, glass breaking, gunfire. A cold knot forms in my stomach and despite my curiosity, I skirt away from the site of the mob, and have to go several blocks out of my way. Still, I see small groups of injured rebels stumbling from the direction of the fighting. I cringe at the sight of blood dripping from open wounds and people barely able to stay upright. One man who's been shot in the leg is practically being dragged by a lanky boy who can't be more than 12. The boy is shaking with effort and stops to lean against a building and catch his breath. I think of the endless stream of people coming to the Everdeens' house, how Prim and Mrs. Everdeen worked tirelessly to help people they didn't even know. I'm no healer, but this pair needs help, and nobody else is going to provide it. I slowly walk over and, looking the boy in the eye, pull the man's arm across my shoulder and heft his weight. The boy stares at me, then plants himself firmly under the man's other arm. Together, we drag him away from the sounds of the mob. We move slowly, the boy taking the lead & directing me. I barely notice the shift in the surrounding buildings, but eventually realize we're in a poorer neighborhood now, where everything looks run down and some houses are barely more than shacks. Finally, he gestures to the door of a small nondescript house.

The boy pushes his way inside with me trailing. It's almost as bright as outside, and I realize light is pouring in through some sort of strange skylight. A man is hunched over a figure laying on an old, worn couch in front of us. Behind him an older man has been pacing, and is muttering something when we burst in. The two look up immediately, and at first there's welcome in the voice greeting us, "Johnny - ", but the welcome turns cold when the men see me. "Who is that?" the older man asks abruptly. The boy answers in a burst of jumbled up words, "She's helping - She helped me. Carry ... it's, it's his leg, he can't walk. The peacekeepers, they're shooting. Guns everywhere." "You," the man points at me. "Sit. There." His finger sweeps to a chair on the other side of the room. I slide out from under our patient's arm, shifting his weight back to the boy, and obediently go to the chair. I notice a television flickering in the corner; I can't see the screen very well but know it must be showing the games. The older man eyes me distrustfully as the younger moves to our patient and helps the boy - Johnny - lower him onto one end of a cot near the door. He moves quickly, efficiently like Mrs. Everdeen might, sending the boy to boil water, to fetch tools to remove the bullet and clean the wound. He must be a healer.

I stay in my seat, watching them. All three - the two men and the boy - look relatively healthy, though a bit lean. The older man stands over the other patient with his arms crossed. One side of his jaw is bruised and scratched. I realize that the patient, whose head is bandaged heavily, is a woman.

"They hit the bone," I hear the healer mutter at one point, as he bandages the leg. "What does that mean?" I ask. The older man squares his jaw and answers stiffly, "It means his leg is broken. Terrible pain. It will take months to heal. If he's lucky." The way his voice drops on the last sentence tells me what happens if he is not so lucky. We lapse into silence again. Another patient is brought in, bloody and bruised but not shot. The healer directs me out of the chair so she can sit, and cares for her as well. I sit on the floor, watching him work. The adrenaline that kept me moving has faded and the exhaustion is taking over. I try to stay alert, but the next thing I know, I am being shaken awake by the healer.

He peers at me, as if trying to diagnose some condition, then jerks his head in a motion to follow him. Only the patients remain in the room, both asleep. Light still pours in through the skylight, and it's unclear to me what time it is. We go into the kitchen, where a kettle of hot water is whistling on the stove despite the heat of the day. The man hands me a mug of some sort of tea and tells me to drink it. "Who are you?" he asks. "Nobody." I reply quickly. His eyebrows quirk up, amused but not satisfied. "I'm Ma-" I cut myself off, knowing I can't use my real name anymore. "uh, Maddie. I'm nobody, I just ran into the boy ... into Johnny on the street." I finish and take a sip of tea, feeling trapped. If only I'd gone straight to find my aunt's house. Why did I put myself in this position? I give my head a shake, because what's the point of what ifs? "And helped a rebel you didn't know." he adds. Was that so odd, I wondered? He pulls out a plate with a slice of fish and some cooked grain from a small refrigerator and places it in front of me. Apparently my explanation is enough for now, because while I begin devouring the food on the plate, he changes topics. "Are you injured?" The question startles me, and I shake my head quickly and swallow the bite of fish in my mouth. "No. No, I'm not .. I wasn't .." I don't know how to finish. He nods, as if he expected this. "Will anyone be looking for you?" Again, I shake my head, averting my eyes from his gaze. He sighs, and silently turns to the television and flips it on.

Brutus and Enobaria are at the edge of the jungle tending to wounds – they must have fought with something or someone recently – using medicine from a sponsor. Suddenly the screen changes; there's the sound of a young woman screaming. Across from me the healer's face contorts. I don't want to look, but how can I not? Finnick Odair is crashing through a jungle, with Katniss following more slowly behind. Is she hunting him down to kill him? Who's screaming? The screen changes again to show a black bird roosting high up in the jungle trees, and when it opens its mouth, it's the scream again. It sounds just like a woman's scream. Oh - It's a jabberjay! I've never seen them, but it looks a bit like the mockingjays we see at home. Finnick is crying out, "Annie! Annie!" and that must be whose voice we hear. When he reaches the area below the jabberjay, he stands forlornly in the jungle. Katniss catches up, takes out her bow… (but why does she come so close to him? And how can I sit here in a district 4 home while my friend kills Finnick?) But before I know it, Katniss is climbing a tree. S climbs until she gets a good sight on the jabberjay and shoots it with her usual pinpoint accuracy. Then Katniss and Finnick must have teamed up. But where's Peeta? Katniss is trying to comfort Finnick, but he's convinced the screams are still real. I go ashen, wondering if he could be right. I glance sideways at the healer. And then we hear it – Gale's tortured screams.

I'm suddenly back in the district 12 square, Gale lashed to the whipping post and Thread standing over him. It hits me square in the chest, and I can't breathe. I blink dumbly, trying to block it all out. Finnick is holding Katniss back, telling her– telling ME– that it's not really Gale. He drags her back toward the beach, where we finally see Peeta – who's with two other tributes – Johanna from 7 and Beetee from 3. _Are they all working together?_ I wonder. But Katniss and Finnick can't escape the jungle, and soon they are surrounded by more jabberjays. I can even hear my own voice through the television, screaming in agony. It's surreal, but it reassures me. If they are playing my voice that way, it means they haven't really hurt anyone to get these sounds. Somehow they must be manipulating the voices. The healer turns off the sound on the television, and pats my hand. "Finnick will be alright. I'm sure Annie is safe," he says comfortingly, completely misreading my reaction. Of course, he thinks I'm from district 4, and Finnick and Annie are supposed to be my tributes. I am sadly grateful for Finnick's pain, which has provided a cover for me. "No," I answer quietly, "it wasn't real. The voices, they're twisting them somehow." Annie's voice, my voice, Gale's voice. The healer nods.

I realize I don't even know this man's name. "Ehm, thank you, for … the food, and everything..." He nods acknowledgement as he refills our mugs of tea. "But .. what should I call you?" I ask. "Oh, Adrian. I'm Adrian. Cresta." He replies flatly. "Cresta? Are you …?" I ask. "She's my cousin," he whispers, before I can finish my question. "But I haven't seen her in some time. Still, when Mags - " his voice cuts off. I remember that Mags volunteered for Annie, and realize that Mags is not in the tribute group on the screen. Surely Finnick would have teamed up with his district partner. Adrian's pained face confirms that Mags must already be dead.

I help Adrian check the bandages on his patients, change the bloody ones, fix soup for them to drink. I keep an eye to the games, and unfortunately see the district 5 tribute being torn apart by a massive creature with the body of a lion and the wings and head of a bird… like an eagle or something. The hovercraft's claw has to pick up her body in several pieces. But Katniss and Peeta seem to be alright, and I learn the clock-like nature of the arena's dangers. Here in the healer's home, a few other patients turn up, but they are all mobile, no more gunshot wounds. I think this is a good thing, until Johnny returns and I overhear them talking about bodies left dead in the square. I wonder what's really going on with the uprisings here. Suddenly I realize the sky is getting dark, and I'm running out of daylight. I hurriedly thank the healer again, pick up my pack, and rush out the door. I haven't gotten halfway down the block when I hear the footsteps behind me.


	4. Johnny

"Wait up," calls Johnny. "Lemme walk you." I smile but shake my head, saying "All the way to the waterfront? I don't think so." "What?'"he cries. "You can't go all that way tonight. It's like 10 miles." I hadn't realized how far I still am, and shrug to hide my disappointment. He continues, "Come on, it's my fault you aren't already home. Just crash here for the night." I hesitate, countering "I think Mr. Cresta's got enough on his plate." He gives me a funny look, then says, "No, not there. With me." I must look dubious because he switches tactics. "And my friends. At least let me get you some dinner?" "Well, maybe," I reply. "We can walk there together and I'll think about it." He grins. "It's my brother's place really, but I've been staying there too, what with the uprisings. His crew always gets the best intel thanks to me."

I raise my eyebrows, and can't resist teasing him, "Don't tell me you're really a spy. Shouldn't you keep that kind of thing, I dunno, secret? I might report you to some Peacekeepers." "Nah," he deadpans. "You wouldn't do it. You're a spy too, and anyway, I think we're on the same side." He turns his head to wink at me as we turn down a narrow road, hardly more than an alley. "What!? I'm not a spy," I retort, though ... I'm not exactly who I say I am either. I wonder what Johnny's thinking and hope the growing darkness conceals the pink flush on my cheeks. "Then what're you doing way out here if you're from the waterfront?" he asks. _Hells teeth._"None of your business," I answer defensively. This kid is too smart for his own good, I think. He leads me to an apartment in another rundown building.

Remembering the initial cold reception at the healer's, I hesitate at the door. "Are you sure ...?" but Johnny's already pulling me in to the apartment. It's small but not as small as Katniss' old house in the Seam. "Johnny, that you?" comes a voice from a back room. "Yeah – busy day out there! Dinner on?" he calls back. The voice doesn't miss a beat, saying "Let me guess, you found another cute girl to follow you home?" I don't know how to react, but Johnny grins and waggles his eyebrows at me. "What? I'm not the only spy in the gang." Another lanky figure appears in the dim hall, leaning on the door frame. He drawls, "Don't worry, darlin'. I'm just teasin. Lookout saw you on the street." There's no doubt they're related. "So you must be big brother." I answer, a faint challenge in my voice. He laughs, "That's me." Then he turns back to the room, calling over his shoulder, "Soup's on, don't dawdle now."

Johnny fills bowls with some kind of shellfish stew. At the end of the dim hall, we find a room with Johnny's brother and 3 others sitting around a table strewn with papers. Johnny pulls up two chairs while I meet the gang. Johnny's brother Carlo is tall with flashing brown eyes and dark hair shaved short. Next to him is a red-haired woman named Marai, whose stillness seems to belie an inner intensity. She eyes me appraisingly as I settle in to a chair with my stew. My first impression of the other two, Bear and Spinner, is of a pair of paradoxes. Spinner is compact but there's something about him that makes him hard to ignore. He lounges in his chair, propping new-looking shoes on the edge of the table. Bear, on the other hand, draws no attention to himself despite his broad, burly frame.

I start in on the stew. To be honest, it doesn't compare to Adrian's fish from lunch, but who am I to complain? While Johnny & I eat, the others get back to their conversation.

Apparently the organized rebels in district 4 had told people to keep things quiet during the games, make it seem like they'd lost their fight. They wanted people to watch the viewings in public squares, as much as possible, but no one was supposed to get violent or start anything. They were supposed to wait for orders. Apparently someone got restless. Now, Johnny's friends are worried about the damage done by the mob scene today, about how many people were shot, and what retribution it might bring from the Capitol. I can't follow half of what they're saying, about people and places I've never heard of. Marai leans over a map on the table, and is constantly tucking her short red hair back behind her ear. Spinner keeps getting into all sorts of details that are unintelligible to me. He and Carlo talk the most. Johnny pipes in regularly with things he's seen, or to answer questions that come up in the conversation. He's much younger than the other four, like a kid brother who won't leave the older kids alone. Even so, they treat him more like an equal than I'd expect. Also, I'm pretty amazed by how much he has to report. I'd forgotten he left the healer's place for most of the afternoon.

I've made some snap judgments over dinner. I'm pretty sure I'd be safer here than out on the streets tonight, if they'll have me. "Thanks for the soup. I'm headed to the waterfront but lost track of time. I hope it's okay that I'm here. I don't want to impose."

Carlo smirks and shakes his head. "Johnny's friends are always welcome."

Bear, who has been quiet throughout, announces he's going on lookout duty and leaves the room. Spinner explains, "Bear's on night shift. I was on lookout earlier, saw you and Johnny comin' – that's how Carlo knew he'd brought ya'. Most of the time one of us is keeping an eye on the street for anything off. And on the broadcasts from the Capitol now, just in case."

"Just in case what?" I ask.

Spinner happily admits, "Don't really know. But you know how the Victors were the base of the rebel network - our link to other districts and the Capitol. I don't know if we have any connection outside the district now, other than what the Capitol broadcasts. There've been tons of rumors - that the victors would refuse to fight, that they'd blow up the arena, that district 13 is going to rescue them. All we really know is that they've been planning something big. You haven't heard anything, have you?"

Marai jumps in, obviously annoyed, "We're not supposed to know anything. Loose lips sink ships and all that, you know? Obviously Finnick is doing anything he can to keep 12 alive. All _we_can do is wait" she sighs.

"And fight the Capitol," adds Carlo pointedly.

When things wind down for the night, Johnny hands me a light blanket and points me to a couch.

An obstinate couch spring is poking me in the back, but it's not that bad. I lay awake on the couch a long time, thoughts swirling in my head. I wonder if Haymitch is part of the rebellion. It had never seemed like it, but he definitely hates the Capitol, so why wouldn't he be? And now Katniss and Peeta are mixed up in it somehow. But with all the time I spent with them, bringing them dad's papers from the Capitol, I'm sure I'd at least know if they were a part of some bigger plan. The only plans I know about are Katniss wanting to keep Peeta alive, and Peeta's plan to save Katniss. If Finnick is protecting them, maybe there is some plan to get the victors out alive. I don't see how it's possible though.

I'm amazed by the trust these people put in their rebel leaders. That's something we'd never have in 12. Who would people rally around in rebellion? Not my father, not Haymitch. Not even Katniss and Peeta, I think.

Tomorrow I'll get to the waterfront and join my aunt's family. And if I ever need to come back to this part of the city, I'll know who to come to.

Eventually my rambling thoughts turn into restless dreams of beastly muttations and angry peacekeepers.

When I wake in the morning, my back aches and my head hurts, so I pull the blanket over my head, not wanting to move. Someone's whispering, "Maddie. Psst, Maddie, are you awake?"

I'm about to roll over when the realization hits me that they mean me, and jolts me upright. "I'm awake. I'm awake." Johnny gives me a sheepish grin. "Oh, sorry," he says, "Carlo got an update and I thought you might..." I nod. "yeah, I want to hear." I follow him back and join the others.

First, he tells us about the games - Peeta giving Katniss his locket which had pictures of her family, Enobaria and Brutus barely avoiding the bloodrain. We're down to 8 victors already. Bear speaks up then. "There's something with the bread, I just ..." he shakes his head. "I don't know what it means! They got 24 rolls from district 3, twice. Finnick was acting weird about it. It's gotta be a message. " But nobody knows what it might mean. There's some discussion that maybe because the bread's from district 3, it's something about the 3 o'clock wedge of the arena, but nobody can explain how and eventually we run out of ideas. The conversation moves to the rebellion. The good news is there've been no bombings; the bad news is that the Peacekeepers have been cracking down in the area, after yesterday's mob scene. Several rebels were captured in the square and executed. Not only that, but the rebels planned for an attack today, and now the Peacekeeper forces are already on guard. Carlo can barely control the disdain in his voice when he tells us they're still going through with it.

Marai fills in the details. "It's way too risky. But they want a coordinated protest tonight. When the victors get more food from their sponsors, that's the cue. We're supposed to begin the protest at public viewing screens, then converge on the administration buildings and take control of whatever we can." The administration buildings are the best asset in this part of town, but other groups have their own targets - the train station, the port and the marina are all key.

The news sparks a lot of debate about if the rebels are trying to get us killed. But in the end Spinner announces he's going, because the rebel network has to have better information than we do, and asks who's in. Bear speaks up first, but Carlo dismisses him. "No way, not you. You're still recovering." I look over to Johnny, hoping he'll explain, but he's not looking my way. Around the circle, the others all agree to go. Then everyone looks to me expectantly. "Maddie?"

I hesitate, and in the quiet Johnny launches into what they must have already worked out amongst themselves. "You don't have to. We figured you'd be going back to sector 2 today, and maybe your family's worried. But they're coordinating this stuff district-wide. We weren't sure you'd have time – to find out what's happening and help there? We get it if you want to go back. But, you could fight here, if you wanted to."

Considering my aunt doesn't even expect me, I don't have a clue what I'll be walking into in sector 2, and I want to help the rebels if I can, it doesn't take long for me to agree to stay and fight. Johnny teaches me the layout of the closest public viewing square and the government buildings only a few blocks away, tracing his hands over a faded map until I've mostly got it. At some point he explains that Bear was shot in the initial uprising, and still isn't fully recovered. Apparently Bear is nocturnal, too, as he heads to bed immediately after the decision.

At some point Spinner turns up with sandwiches. Later Marai comes by and asks what weapons I've got. I show her the knife, and after weighing it in her hand, she nods approvingly. She tosses me a roll of fabric that turns out to be a change of clothes. "Figure we're about the same size," she says chirpily. She outfits Johnny with a wickedly curved blade, and slings a peacekeeper gun over her shoulder.

When we get to the viewing square, there are already hundreds, maybe thousands of people watching the screens as Finnick pulls fish from the sea. Carlo positions us out of sight of the peacekeepers up on the rooftops. We hear noises from the far side of the square and crane our necks to see through the crowd. Another squadron of peacekeepers has arrived, lining the street. I wait anxiously, palms sweating. It's nerve wracking, waiting and watching Katniss and Peeta on screen. I can't figure out if I'm more worried about what will happen next in the arena, or what is about to happen in district 4.


	5. The Quell

After what feels like hours, two silver parachutes drop down to the victors. Before they are even open, everything erupts. The rebels are throwing rocks and bricks and who know what at the peacekeepers. Suddenly the sidewalk in front of some peacekeepers explodes, and I realize the rebels have some kind of homemade explosives they are throwing as well.

I don't even take in what's going on; it's all happening at once. The mob is rushing at the line of peacekeepers, still throwing rocks and more home-made explosives at them. The line between rebels and peacekeepers blurs. Gunfire rains down into the crowd from the rooftop guards. Some rebels have guns, and obviously someone has those explosives, but most are wielding bricks and knives. It's hard to take everything in, so I focus on Johnny and Carlo, who are the closest to me. The crowd pushes back against the enemy, but our goal is not here in the square.

Johnny and I follow Carlo through the melee, pushing toward the main square. The crowds move with us, surging down the tree-lined avenue. Huge buildings tower over us on each side. We move quickly down the blocks until the next wave of peacekeepers finds us. There's more confusion as the two groups clash. Then smoke and gas fill the air in front of us.

We're pushing our way through the mob when Marai pulls me into an alleyway toward a fire escape. I hoist her up to the ladder, where she quickly climbs to a platform and crouches behind a rusty bin. I watch her train the gun toward the peacekeepers, carefully lining up a shot, only to have the bullet lodge in the wall of the building behind the peacekeepers. She pulls back behind the bin, and after a pause slowly lines up another shot. This time she catches one square in the throat and he spins around and crumples to the ground at the impact. A nearby peacekeeper sees it happen and looks in our direction for the shooter. Marai is hidden, but I'm completely exposed. I can't think. I panic, and with nowhere else to go I run back into the mob, trying to angle away from the peacekeepers. But the one who spotted me isn't letting me disappear into the crowd, and is chasing after in my direction. My small size allows me to slip through the crowd, but I've only made it a short way when I'm yanked backward off my feet. I turn, jabbing my knife into the man behind me, but the uniform is thick and resists the blade. The peacekeeper gives me a smug look and out of the corner of my eye I see his arm swinging toward me. Then everything goes black.

When I come to, my head is throbbing viciously. My eyes and throat are dry and scratchy. I press my eyes shut, trying to find some relief in the darkness behind my eyelids. After several minutes I feel a slight tremor, and hear booming in the distance. I open my eyes and find that I'm back in the apartment. A damp cloth lays across my forehead. I try to remember how I got here - I remember going with Johnny and his friends to the organized protest against the Capitol, but everything after that is fuzzy at best. Disconnected images of the violent clashes flicker in my mind. It makes me feel sick. I pull the cloth over my eyes and feel the coolness of its damp surface ease the pain in my head a little. I lay still, playing a soothing piano tune in my head, until I hear quiet footsteps nearby. I open my eyes to see Bear walking into the kitchen.

I walk into the kitchen, where he's prying the flesh out of some shellfish. "What's that?" I ask. He looks at me strangely. "You mean the clams? How hard did you get hit?" My face burns as I remember that I haven't told anyone I'm not from district 4, so they think I know all about shellfish. I try to cover quickly, saying "Umm, I meant what you're going to do with them." "Well, I was thinking about eating them. Unless you have a better idea?" he answers sarcastically. I roll my eyes at him, and he softens a bit. "How are you feeling?" "Okay I guess. How did I get back here?"

"Johnny brought you. He went back out. You want some food?" he gestures to the clams. My stomach is already in knots and I can't imagine eating those clams right now. "Uhh, no thanks. I'll just get some water." "There's bread on the shelf, too - kinda stale though" he says, pointing. "Oh, thanks." I gulp down water, and cut off a piece of bread to chew on. Bear doesn't say anything else. I'm a little intimidated by him, so I sit quietly with my bread, absently watching him and the clams. I remember the tremors when I woke, which have subsided, and ask if he felt them too. "More bombings. We should be okay here." He doesn't elaborate. Right about now I really miss Johnny and Spinner, who would undoubtedly be talking a mile a minute about everything that's going on. Bear's not exactly unfriendly, he just doesn't seem to have much interest in talking. At least, to me anyway.

When he finishes eating, I follow him back to the table where they'd been when Johnny first brought me here. I'd thought he'd be on lookout duty or something, and ask him about it. He shakes his head, "not right now." "What about the broadcasts? The quell?" I ask. His face breaks out in a tired but happy smile. "It's over." I start to ask who won, wondering if he's happy because it was Finnick, and for the first time questioning how long I was unconscious. But Bear keeps talking, almost to himself. "They really did it. They escaped. At least, I think they escaped. They destroyed the arena." Then it's as if he remembers I'm there, and explains. "It was 12. Katniss shot Betee's wire into the forcefield, and the lightning struck, and it destroyed everything." "What happened to them?" I ask. A cloud passes over his face and he shakes his head. "Don't know for sure, but it had to be the plan. So they must've escaped."

I start to turn on the television, but Bear stops me. "Don't. It's just showing the bombings." Instead, he unearths a faded map of the area and tells me what he knows about the uprisings here in 4. The rebel group we were with has taken one of the lesser administration buildings, and Carlo and Marai are inside. But peacekeepers are still holding their own against the mob outside, and there's some fear that if more reinforcements are brought in, the rebels inside the building will be trapped there. Despite the bombings, Bear doesn't think the Capitol has bombed them - he thinks the Capitol wants those buildings - and whatever's inside them - intact, and they won't destroy them unless they have to. He's disappointed when I point out that if they aren't bombing it when it's in rebel hands, there can't be anything that useful for the fight inside. Bear's frustrated to not know anything about what's happening in other districts. If the district leaders know, they're not sharing that information.

I realize I might be able to contribute something, and after running through it in my head first, I rattle off, "Umm, I can't say anything about districts one or two, but they wouldn't rebel anyway. Three has had some action. But I ... couldn't tell what it's like now. Five, six and seven seem quiet, at least they did. Eight's like here, but worse. They didn't even have reporters based there before the games, so it must be a mess. And their uprising started before four's I think. They've definitely cracked down in ten, eleven and twelve, too. But umm, they're weaker to start, and I don't think they've really rebelled - at least not ten and twelve." It's a mix of things I actually know, from alerts I overheard in my father's den and the little I did pick up on the train, plus my intuition based on all those papers we read from the Capitol.

Bear stares at me for a few minutes, before asking, "How do you know all that?" My lie comes easily, maybe because it's based in truth. "The day I met Johnny, I was at the train station that morning. I knew a train was coming through, and I listened in on some peacekeepers and Capitol reporters." He eyes me appraisingly for a minute, then nods thoughtfully and turns back to the map. "Well, it pretty well fits what we've heard. And the more districts that rebel, the more the Capitol will be spread thin trying to fight us. Hopefully the victors' escape will inspire them."

Something about this catches in my mind. "Wait, you said they're broadcasting bombings? Are they all district four? We should be watching, maybe we can figure out what's happening?" Bear throws his head back and seems to be looking at the ceiling. He replies, "Ugh, I'm an idiot. Come on."

I wish it hadn't occurred to me to watch the broadcasts. It's terrible, seeing the Capitol uncaringly bomb the districts. I'm crying within minutes, blubbering an apology to Bear. Why did I suggest watching this? But most of the bombings seem to be targeting specific parts of the districts, and Bear is starting to point out when he recognizes a location, scribbling notes on a scrap of paper. We've been watching less than 20 minutes when the Capitol broadcasts a night-time bombing, with flames erupting out of a blackened landscape. I've never seen district 12 from the air, but even so it only takes a minute for me to recognize the city square. I can't help but cry out. Tears flow down my cheeks, but I can't tear my eyes from the screen. The mayor's house is unmistakable. So is the explosion that levels it. When the screen switches to a Capitol reporter, the words make no sense to me. All I can think of is home.

* * *

**A/N: What do you think so far? I hate for Maddie to find out about the district 12 bombing this way, but in Mockingjay there's a reference to rebroadcasts of the bombing of district 12, so I figure the Capitol was airing it soon after it happened.  
**


	6. Survival

I lay curled in a ball on the couch. Sometimes Bear sits next to me, brings me water, silent but attentive. Other times he's on lookout duty. Carlo and Marai, Johnny and Spinner are all still out in the district somewhere. My chest feels like a vast aching pit.

I hate my father for sending me here, alone and apart and alive. I have no idea if my parents escaped, or were taken to the Capitol, or if they were there, at home, maybe even asleep when the bombers came. Are they dead? Would I know? Did the Capitol bomb district 12 because Katniss destroyed the arena? Waves of guilt overtake me. Why do I get to survive when district 12 is gone? How can I ever make up for that injustice? Katniss, the Mockingjay, that little gold pin. I wallow in guilt-ridden thoughts that the bombing is my fault, for giving Katniss that pin in the first place. I just wanted her to have the best chance of coming home. How could I have known what would happen? And now, our home, our families, are gone. I shudder as images of the flames engulfing the district flash through my mind. The Seam, practically gilded in coal dust, didn't stand a chance.

Again and again, I can't escape the image of my home disintegrating under the assault of firebombs. They're all dead: my parents, my classmates. Katniss' and Peeta's families. Gale. Everyone. Everyone is dead, except maybe Katniss and Peeta and Haymitch because who knows what happened when the arena exploded, and surely the Capitol has executed them too, but maybe just maybe there was really was some plan for the Victors to escape.

At times I must sleep, but when I do the flames and darkness overtake me in my dreams. Bear moves me to a bed in the back room, and leaves me. I don't leave the bed- not for meals, not for lookout duty. Bear brings me soup and watches until I sip it down. He doesn't question me. He tells me when Johnny and Spinner have been here, but he hasn't let them see me.

* * *

Eventually, the need to talk about what happened outweighs the impossible need to deny it all. If the Capitol has said anything, anything that might tell me about survivors, or whatever cause they could have had for this, or any of the millions of things swirling in my mind, I need to know. The next time Bear comes, I ask him about the broadcasts, and what's been reported about the bombings. He sighs, getting right to the heart of it, "They said District 12 rebels tried to take over the coal mines. That it's completely destroyed, and the bombing is a lesson to any rebels in other districts." I'm sure that it's a lie, that there's no way district 12 rebelled. Things could not have changed so much in the short time I've been gone. Has it really been only days since I was sitting in the square watching the victor interviews before the Quell?

Bear tells me what he's figured out about the bombings in district four (mostly targeting rebels in other sectors) and other districts. The Capitol reporters blame the destruction on the rebels, one way or another. More districts than we'd known must be rebelling, because Bear has identified at least 7 different districts in the footage. I channel grief and anger into my resolve to do whatever I can to get justice for my family and district. I can't watch the broadcasts, but I read through all of Bear's notes. I throw myself into the district four rebellion to distract myself from the pain, and obsessively take in all the information I can.

Now that I'm up and moving again, Bear leaves the apartment to check in with the rebels. I take lookout duty, not really sure what I'm looking out for given the current quiet. Then in the early afternoon, I find that Bear is coming down the street, back to the apartment. He's not alone - Johnny and Spinner trail him, each lugging a rucksack filled to the brim.

When they walk in the door, I throw my arms around Johnny in greeting, grateful they are back in one piece. As I pull away, I notice his face is bright red. I wonder if he's okay. Just then, Spinner lifts me up and spins me around, declaring loudly in an exaggerated Capitol accent, "You must dance with me, Maddie! We've got the haul of the century here, it's time for a celebration!" I laugh impulsively at this strange welcome, and beat my hands on his shoulder in an effort to be let down. He sets me down with a bounce and tosses me his rucksack, saying, "C'mon, help us inventory."

As we empty the bags onto the floor, I can't believe my eyes. They've brought back all kinds of things – almost like they've been on a shopping spree. There's some food, mostly dry stuff but also a whole bag of fresh apples. They've also got a few gadgets that remind me of things I've seen Capitol reporters carrying around. I wonder what they do. The real treasure, though, is three full boxes of ammunition. They'd gotten their hands on a few peacekeeper weapons before, but I had learned from Marai that bullets were the limiting factor. They'd never had enough to spare any for target practice. Maybe this is a solution; if nothing else, they've got a supply now. I'm overwhelmed by it all and too curious to wait, so I start to ask, "Where ...?" With a grin, Spinner cuts me off cagily, "When the net's in the water, nobody's watching the hold." I guess a fishing metaphor makes sense in district four. It's a good thing I learned a little about boats back home. Spinner's been working on breaking in to peacekeeper housing areas when they're busy fighting rebels, when their barracks are less protected. That's not to say they're completely unguarded, but Spinner and Johnny found their way into a few storage areas and barracks and managed to come away with all this.

We don't talk about the bombings. I wonder what Bear has told Johnny and Spinner. After we've sorted through the new supplies, Spinner sends Johnny to bed to get some rest while he takes a closer look at one of the gadgets. I want to offer to help somehow, but I don't know what there is to do. Instead, I ask Spinner if he knows what happened after the peacekeeper came at me in the street. I never did find out; I haven't seen anyone but Bear since the mob scene on the street. "I thought I was a goner," I confess. He nods, and tells me Johnny went at the peacekeeper full tilt when he saw me. He continues, "Marai couldn't risk a shot at that angle. Luckily Carlo got there first. The peacekeeper had seen Johnny comin', and missed Carlo. Some of these new keepers aren't as diligent; they may have been rushed through to bolster the ranks. Anyway, Carlo knocked him out, and sent you back here with Johnny." "Are Carlo and Marai okay?" I ask. "Yeah, they're still with the group holding the administration building. There's been a lot of trouble getting things in and out, but they're surviving."

I don't know what to make of Bear's news from the rebels. Those bombings were more effective than he'd let on; the peacekeepers haven't been completely ignorant of the rebel organization, and some of the bombings took out the top district leaders. Nobody really knows who should be in charge, but for now a core group from sector 1 is taking the lead. As for the quell, there's also news that Katniss and Finnick were rescued from the arena when it blew up, but that's not even the crazy part. Supposedly they were rescued by district 13. It sounds crazy to me, considering I've heard all my life that district 13 was destroyed decades ago. Johnny keeps talking about footage of district 13 and a mockingjay, but I don't follow what he means, and the Capitol hasn't been airing anything about district 13, so I can't see for myself. Everyone is worried about Annie Cresta, who has disappeared and is believed to have been abducted by the Capitol.

* * *

Over the next few days, I help out wherever I can. Nobody wants me out on the streets, and I'd probably get lost anyway. But with Carlo and Marai gone, there's plenty to be done. I take a shift as lookout, help with meals, and like everyone else, talk over every new bit of information on district 4 from twenty different directions. Johnny and I take some of the food to the healer, but I can't meet Adrian's eyes, wondering what has happened to his high-profile family. At night, Bear shows me some of what he's learned about how to operate the tech gadgets Spinner brought back. Gradually, I'm able to join the conversations about other districts - when we talk about what clues there have been to the rebellions in other districts, the loss of district 12 hangs in the air. I don't watch the broadcasts, either. They still replay bombings, and I can't take it. The others call me in if there's something in particular to see - some new Capitol propaganda.

We fall into a routine. Johnny and Spinner are often out in the district, looking for intel, supplies, or joining rebel attacks. Occasionally Bear and I go, usually when more hands are needed on the "supply runs" or when there's a big attack planned against the peacekeeper forces. I learn to use one of the peacekeeper guns and feel more protected than that first mob scene. Still, each time we go out I'm scared I'll be captured. I'm never on the front lines. After each of the supply runs, I help Johnny with distributing our excess to Adrian and other rebels. I take to staying up late into the night, tracking supplies and discussing the rebels' moves with Bear. Carlo and Marai return for a couple days, strategizing with the rest of us on the battle.

The rebels control the area around the administration building won in the earlier attack, but the Capitol is still in control of the train station, and the marina in sector 2. That's made food hard to come by in the district, and Spinner's success at pilfering from the enemy only gets us so far, it's not going to help the entire district. Some rebels in sector 2 have found ways to get small crafts out into the water while avoiding the Capitol patrols - a few people have been doing this for years, much like the hunters in district 12. That's something, at least. In sector 3, which I don't know much about, the rebels have control of some "farms" for shellfish and shrimp. I don't exactly get how that works, but it is a source of food for many in the district. It's not hopeless, and I think with irony we're much better off here than district 12 would be if cut off. I'm thinking about the backyard gardens and illegal hunting and gathering that would be all we would have ... before I remember it's all gone. It's best when I can forget, when I'm caught up in what's happening here. But then something will remind me and I struggle to keep moving forward. It's only thanks to Spinner, Johnny and Bear, and the rebellion, that I have something to fight for, something that will never make up for what's happened to my family and home in district 12, but something that keeps me breathing, that keeps me getting out of bed each day.

* * *

**A/N: Peeta's interview in the next Chapter! =)  
**


	7. Peeta

**A/N: Early update! ****Please review (or PM) especially if you have comments or questions. I hope the pace is okay, I really want this to be realistic and canon-compliant throughout.**

**Disclaimer: Referencing and paraphrasing The Hunger Games Canon, which belongs to Suzanne Collins.  
**

* * *

We've had to get a lot more cautious with those supply trips, but Spinner's strategy still keeps us going. We're always hitting a different part of the Capitol compounds. There are all sorts of tents and buildings erected to support the extra peacekeepers brought in to fight the rebels, creating a labyrinth for us to explore and plunder. We avoid any detectable pattern if we can, and only act after lots of careful watching to be sure we know their routines. That's Johnny's forte, but I've helped too. Even so, we had a pretty close call on our most recent run a couple nights ago.

But the supply trips continue. My new friends are supporting more than just our little group - providing supplies to other rebels, like Adrian, too. We're just one small cog in the rebel movement here, keeping each other alive and supporting the rebellion. Recently, the war has felt like a stalemate, with continued attacks on both sides leading to more deaths but no major ground won or lost. It's exhausting, emotionally and physically. The rebels might be doing better if it weren't for the Capitol bombers. They've destroyed some of the area around the sector 3 shrimp farms, and another occupied area here in sector 1, but oddly haven't hit the rebels occupying Capitol administration buildings. To be honest we're surprised they haven't attacked that area, now that it's under rebel control. Meanwhile, the rebel leaders are doing their best to stay underground, moving their base regularly to keep their location secret from the Capitol. At least one previous base has been bombed; I only hope they can stay ahead of the Capitol. Only an inner circle knows their movements. I'm pretty sure Carlo and Marai know, but they wouldn't admit it. In the meantime, the hot humid weather is becoming more and more of a problem. At least power is still pretty reliable - the Capitol is still in control of the power station, but they usually want the power on so that we don't miss any of the propaganda the Capitol broadcasts.

* * *

One night Johnny calls us all in because Caesar Flickerman is on the television. Carlo and Marai are out somewhere in the district with other rebel forces; they stop in regularly but usually don't stay more than a night at a time. Spinner, Bear and I hurry to watch the broadcast. When I get to the room, I can see Peeta sitting with Caesar, just like in the tribute interviews. Peeta! He's alive, and he looks healthy! He looks better than healthy, really, he looks polished like a newly crowned Victor. I had given up hope of ever seeing anyone from home again. Even on the screen, the sight of Peeta is overwhelming.

He and Caesar are bantering in their usual manner, and it takes me a minute to get past my disbelief and hear the words spoken. He must have been captured by the Capitol, but he seems so normal, he doesn't seem like a prisoner at all. Hearing him talk about what it was like to be in the Quell, to be in the arena on that last day, I feel like I am there with him. Everyone is silent. He still loves Katniss, and he blames himself for not protecting her that night. And it's clear, he knew nothing of the rebel plans. He's distraught about the very idea, saying he and Katniss had no idea. Then, Caesar offers to end the interview but instead asks about the war, and Peeta makes a serious plea for a cease-fire. Everyone around me erupts in outrage, and I barely hear Peeta's only reference to his confinement, and the reports that follow of shortages in the Capitol.

Johnny is furious at Peeta, yelling that he's a traitor, but already Spinner has recognized that Peeta's a prisoner, and argues that he was probably forced to say those things by President Snow. Bear hasn't said anything, but I can feel his eyes on me. I try to ignore him, joining Spinner in defending Peeta. We all know we can't have a cease fire. Will anyone believe that the Capitol would let the rebels return to their lives, even if we were willing? We'd be lucky to survive if the war ended now, the Capitol regaining what little ground we've won. I shudder to think of what would happen to me if there was a cease-fire, and the Capitol found me here in district 4.

* * *

That night, after we've run out of speculation on what's happening in other districts based on the latest announced shortages, Bear brings up the interview again. "That was some surprise, seeing Peeta Mellark on screen again." As usual, he's on lookout duty, perched in a chair by the window at the edge of the black-out curtain. I'm sitting on the bed, my legs folded in front of me. In some ways I want desperately to talk about seeing Peeta, but not here, where I have to pretend he's another anonymous victor.

I answer warily, "Yeah, I guess it was. It's weird we haven't seen any victors until now." Then I admit, "I guess I believed they all escaped. But they must've had him all this time. Do you think they have the others too?" Bear shrugs and says, "Maybe. Not everyone. If they had Katniss they'd probably have executed her and broadcast it live. But who knows. Maybe the others aren't as agreeable to the Capitol's ideas as Peeta is."

"What?" I explode. "You don't honestly think he's with the Capitol, do you? He's their prisoner. Couldn't you tell that?"

Bear shakes his head and answers, "No, that's not - I mean, yes, you're right. I don't think he's really on their side. But others might. If the other victors escaped and he didn't ... I dunno. It's just, the Capitol definitely wants it to look like he supports them, that's all." I can't believe Bear would even think of Peeta betraying us, and I huff, "Well he's not. He's a victor, for crying out loud. You heard him talk about the games. Who could go through that and want the Capitol in power?"

Bear sits quietly for a few minutes, then comments, "I just hope nobody takes his cease-fire talk too seriously. We're weak enough without his help."

I glare at him, because he's right and I can't think of anything good to say. We are weak enough as it is. I want to storm off to my room, except I don't have one. I settle for throwing myself down on the bed away from Bear and pulling a blanket over my head. As I lay there quietly seething, I soon realize this isn't going to work. I'm too keyed up to sleep, and Bear isn't going anywhere while he's on lookout duty. I lay there a few minutes before I silently slide off the bed, blanket wrapped around me, and stalk out of the room. I don't need the blanket for warmth, but I like having it anyway. Johnny's passed out on the couch, so I settle down on the floor and stare at nothing in particular for awhile.

Maybe Peeta didn't choose the rebellion, but if nothing else, he'd be on whatever side Katniss is on. I think whatever he's doing in the Capitol, it's gotta be for her. I have to hope Bear's right - that if the Capitol had Katniss, or killed her, we'd know. I don't even know if she's alive and in 13 like they say. So how does it help her to call for a cease fire? Wouldn't it be better if the rebellion succeeds? Does Peeta think we can't win? The questions tumble through my thoughts one after the next.

Eventually I curl up there on the floor and try to sleep. In my dreams, Peeta is trying to quiet an angry mob that surrounds him with flaming torches. The crowd melts away and the fire engulfs him harmlessly like his old tribute costume, and he's telling me we have to find Katniss or she'll miss the chariot ride. I try to look for her but every turn I make I run into another tribute. First Rue wants me to sing her a song, then Finnick traps me in one of his nets. I'm trying to get the net off when abruptly I wake. What I thought was a net was just the blanket. Johnny is gone, so it must be morning. Wearily, I fetch a cup of water and a dry ration bar - courtesy of our last visit to the Peacekeepers - from the kitchen, and wonder how Peeta's interview will affect things here in district 4.


	8. The Mockingjay

**Disclaimer: Referencing and paraphrasing The Hunger Games Canon, which belongs to Suzanne Collins.**

* * *

It's been less than a week since Peeta's interview. Nothing dramatic has happened in district four. There's been no cease-fire, but the rebels are tired and flagging from the strain of holding what ground we have. Too many rebels die each day, in skirmishes with the Capitol, in bombings, from malnutrition, or injuries festering with infection. Food is still scarce and the rebels have set their sights firmly on the marina and the port. I'd never have believed it, but apparently there are huge container ships that come and go from the port with supplies for the Capitol. Not very many, but the Capitol must retain some connection to the rest of the world, which was never even acknowledged in my memory of district 12. Apparently district four is their connection to that world. If we can take control of the port and marina, we win the water as well, and the whole equation changes. But so far the Peacekeepers have had no trouble holding off the rebel forces. Here in sector 1, the train station is a target, but right now the rebels really need to gain some ground in sector 2.

Earlier today the Capitol aired more live footage of bombings, this time of a makeshift hospital reported to be in district 8. Seeing the bombing of the hospital is hard, because it reminds me of my home, but also because it's more rebels and citizens killed by the Capitol. It's terrible to watch, and we worry together about the areas where rebel groups are concentrated here in district 4. It's like watching the world dwindling to nothing, and i can see why some might take Peeta's argument about survival without a cease fire seriously. The message accompanying the broadcast was the usual trash, mostly about how the Capitol is bravely defending its citizens from the lawless rebels, which makes me laugh because otherwise I'd probably cry. Then they show these ridiculous propos about supporting Panem and how we can fight the rebels, and support our 'honorable protectors' the peacekeepers. Naturally, beyond ignoring all the Capitol-enforced hardships, we should serve Panem by reporting any suspicious activity or known rebels to the peacekeepers.

"Perhaps we should bake them a pie?" I ask sarcastically. With a twinkle in his eye, Spinner answers, "Too bad we don't have any nightlock!"

Spinner loves the propoganda. He distracts us all with his parodies of it. "Report suspicious activity? What would that look like?" He dons a poor attempt at a Capitol accent and shrills, "Excuse me Mr. Peacekeeper, but did you know there are hundreds of rebels camping out in our administration buildings? It's terribly distracting!"

I laugh, "yeah, I should probably talk to them." In a saccharine voice of fake innocence I add, "Excuse Me, ma'am, this guy brought me Peacekeeper ration bars today. I think he's against the Capitol's restrictions on fishing and the spoiled tesserae rations this month. Surely he is up to no good!"

Spinner grins back, "Sounds like a trouble maker." He winks.

* * *

Spinner and Bear are playing with a communicuff, one of the tech gadget "gifts" from the Peacekeepers. Apparently they were never configured on the Peacekeeper network, so they don't get any messages from the Capitol. It was pretty easy to figure out sending messages on them, but where they went was a little less clear. He'd eventually taken them to Marai, who's such a whiz with technology stuff; you'd think she was from district 3. Together they reprogrammed the communicuffs to transmit messages only among themselves. Last I heard, Marai was still trying to program one to get the Capitol messages - it would give the rebels an amazing strategic advantage to get the same messages that the Capitol troops receive, if she can pull it off. In the meantime, the rest of the pilfered communicuffs are being used by the rebels now. We have one here, that we use to stay in contact with Carlo and Marai.

Spinner's gone out to take provisions to Carlo and Marai and the rebels, leaving the communicuff here with Bear. It's odd but this place doesn't even seem to belong to Carlo anymore, he's here so rarely. Apparently he and Marai have gotten in with the new group leading the rebellion and aren't about to miss out on any action by staying home. Tonight, we're hoping Spinner will bring back more details about the marina - details that wouldn't be trusted to the communicuffs.

I'm watching the Capitol broadcast with Bear when the broadcast signal is suddenly disrupted, and the image of a flame flickers onto a black screen. I tense, the image too similar to the fire in district 12's bombings. Then the image of Katniss' token, my aunt's mockingjay pin, lights up the screen and my mouth drops open. Bear is already calling, "Johnny! Get in here _now_!"

From the television, Claudius Templesmith's voice booms out "Katniss Everdeen..." and there she is, on the broadcast. Katniss launches into a fiery speech repudiating Peeta's call for a cease fire. Still stunned, I can't help but laugh.

I blurt out, "It's Katniss! She's, she's a _rebel_. _Look_ at her." Bear looks at me like I'm crazy. The ridiculousness of a Rebel broadcast, the joy of seeing my closest friend, how foreignly commanding she seems, taking on the mantle of a Rebellion leader, overwhelms me. It's too much. To the rest of the world she may be a defiant victor, but to me Katniss is still the girl who sat quietly across the table from me in school, and despite everything that's happened in the last year, she's never been a leader. She's only done what she had to to survive. This is completely different. I can't restrain the laughter, and grin incredulously at Bear. He's grinning too, but he's still looking at me oddly, confused by my reaction. Of course he doesn't get it.

Johnny tears into the room, looking expectant. His eager gaze quickly settles on the screen and immediately he hollers out, "Whoo-whee!"

The screen changes to the scene of the bombing we'd seen earlier, but shows something that wasn't in the Capitol broadcast. This recording is from the rebels' perspective, as they shoot to take down the bombers. That is when I get the second shock. Gale. Gale is on the screen, next to Katniss, fighting for the rebellion. At least, i think it's him. It's so fast; he looks different somehow, and he's gone from the scene in a flash. I gasp in disbelief, wondering if it was really him. I tell myself I imagined it. Gale's dead. They destroyed district 12 and everyone in it. Gale is dead. It couldn't be him with Katniss, shooting arrows at the Capitol bombers in district 8. As other unknown rebels appear on the screen, I keep looking but don't see him again. I push away my confusion to focus on what my friends see too - Katniss, the rebellion, fighting back against the Capitol.

We are all entranced. It's amazing to even think of a rebel broadcast. Johnny cheers the fighters on, pumping his arm in the air. Then the screen is back to Katniss, on the street, calling out against the Capitol. "If we burn, you burn with us," she directs to President Snow. Whatever we've heard about a Victor escape, this is the first real proof that anyone escaped the Capitol in one piece. We're all grinning and talking over each other. A message comes across on the communicuff, and Bear gleefully passes it around. It says, "MJAY ON FIRE! DOWN WITH CAPITAL!"

* * *

Late that night, after Johnny's gone to bed, it's still on our minds. They've re-aired it a few times, and each time, I find little things we hadn't noticed before. Spinner returns, equally exuberant about the broadcast. He thinks the entire district has seen it by now, and the rebel leaders are designing attacks to involve everyone now while enthusiasm is so high.

When it comes on again, I'm quiet, taking it all in. Katniss wears an amazing outfit, half battle uniform and half mockingjay costume, which must be her stylist Cinna's handiwork. I can see the wound on her arm, where Johanna dug the tracker out of her arm. She's shooting arrows from a decorative black bow, much fancier than the one she'd had back home, the one she'd taught me to use. When Gale's on screen, I drink in the sight of him alive and whole. His face is scarred, but it really is him. He looks incredible. His bow looks amazingly complicated and high tech, but he seems to wield it naturally. I've never seen him shoot before, his stormy gray eyes are more intense than his usual glare. I smile to myself, imagining the satisfaction he must get from taking out bombers, after the hardship the Capitol has forced on him for so long.

That's when Bear asks hesitantly, "That's ... that cousin of hers, isn't it?" My face contorts at the lie told to protect Katniss and Peeta in their first games. "No ... I mean, yes ... " I start, but I don't know how to continue. In the quiet, Bear seems to confirm a suspicion. "You know them. Him and Katniss? And Peeta too?"

I squeeze my eyes shut and take a shaky breath, biting my lip to control my emtions. He probably figured out a long time ago that I'm not really from four, though he hasn't questioned me. There have been enough little signs along the way, let alone all the stupid questions I've had to ask. I nod silently.

My voice quavers when I ask, "Don't tell anyone?" When I look up to him, he's got a small sad smile. There's a hint of amusement in his voice when he asks in return,

"Who'd believe me?" His eyes flicker back and forth between mine, taking in my confused emotions. I look in his eyes and see the question hiding underneath his sympathy.

I take a deep breath, and continue, "They're my friends. Well, Katniss, anyway. I knew her in ... in 12." Katniss and I barely talked before her first games, but somehow our mostly silent lunches together added up to a lot more than what was said. Between the victory tour and the announcement of the Quell, I'd probably spent as much time with her as anyone, except maybe Prim. We'd both had so many empty hours to fill, and daddy certainly couldn't object to me spending time with a victor. Dinners with her family had been a welcome change from the emptiness so common in my own house.

Gale - what is Gale to me? A foolish dream? An impossibility that I'd given up on, even before I thought he was dead, or so I thought. Of course, I rarely saw Gale except when they came to sell strawberries, or when he'd come to talk to Katniss at school. Before the Quell, I more than occasionally brought Capitol papers to Katniss on Sundays, when Gale might be there teaching them snares, but he hardly even acknowledged my presence. Not that I could blame him, knowing all about the difficulties he and his family faced. He didn't know I'd brought the morphling, of course. And Peeta, were we friends? I didn't know him that well either, but he'd always been nice enough, when I saw him in school or at the bakery, or preparing for the Quell. He too had little time for friends, but we'd gotten along well enough. He would occasionally walk me home and was always polite enough to inquire about me and my family, and a couple times he even opened up to me a bit. I guess we were friends.

Finally admitting the truth to Bear is like releasing a humongous weight. He wants me to tell the others, of course, but he agrees not to say anything, at least for now. I don't divulge my life story to him, but now that he knows the truth, I won't hide anything from my past from him either. Bear doesn't push, though. He often likes to think through new information awhile before talking about it, and I imagine there'll be more questions once he's had a chance to fit this new information into the puzzle of me he's been piecing together.


	9. Family

It's not that I don't trust my district 4 friends, but I've learned only too well how unpredictable the future is. Maybe it is better for them not to know who I am. Admitting I know the Mockingjay isn't going to help us win the war. Whatever the reasons, I keep quiet. If they figure it out on their own, then fine. Bear knows I was originally supposed to go to my aunt's, something I haven't thought of for weeks. I feel a little guilty I never made it there, and I still plan on going eventually, it just seemed less important after the district 12 bombing.

The next night Bear is trying to think of ways to physically entangle Peacekeepers in fishing nets, which makes me think of Gale, and the snares Katniss showed me in the woods.

There's a new rebel propo being broadcast, this time with longer clips of Gale and another soldier talking about the hospital and the bombing. Gale fervently describes the bombing, "For the Capitol, the hospital was like a sitting duck, completely vulnerable. There was no time to react, to protect the people at the hospital. "

He seems to be sending a message to the rebels - don't concentrate too many in one area, it just makes you vulnerable. He looks even better on screen than I remember him. Gone is the sullen, sarcastic boy from district 12. He's proud but forthright. It's as if this is what he's prepared for all his life. But it's the scars of healed burns on his face that make me realize Gale survived the bombing of district 12.

The implications bring me an unfamiliar hope. If Gale somehow survived, others could have too. Others like my family.

It slowly registers. If Gale is alive, maybe my family is too. Why not? Daddy had said he had a plan. Maybe they escaped. For all I know they could be here in 4.

With the same suddenness that emptied me at the sight of the bombing, now I'm filled with hope. I jump to my feet and turn off the broadcast. Thinking of my family and the bombing, I can't look at Gale any more right now. "I have to go!" Bear looks up from his sketches, as if I'm crazy. "Now?"

I'm frantic. My family could be here in four. They could be thinking I'm dead. I have to go find them. I have to find my aunt's. It's where I was supposed to be. How could I have been so stupid?

"I have to go. They could be here. All along. What was I thinking? Wasting my time … I should have gone."

Bear narrows his eyes at me. "Wasting your time? You mean here?"

Ugh. I don't have time to deal with this. I roll my eyes and answer angrily, "Yeah, here. I should've been in sector two by now. Who knows…" but Bear cuts me off.

"No one forced you to stay here you know. If … " He almost says something else but stops himself. I glare at him, jaw clenched. He leans back, and his voice changes tone. "Anyway, you can't go anywhere now. You can't go walking around the district at this hour. You don't even know your way around."

I resist the thought. I am so alive with the hope of seeing my family, how can I wait? My mind is still racing, still thinking about the possibility. Seeing district 12 destroyed had broken me, and it had felt like my entire world went up in flames with those bombs. But what if they escaped too? What if my family has been here waiting for me? They'd think I was dead! I keep fighting with Bear, but he evades my anger and pushes his point. I try to explain it to him but eventually recognize I'm not making much sense. It takes awhile for me to calm down enough to get things out more coherently. But Bear is insistent.

He's still mad, too. "Fine, you have to go to sector two. I get it. So, what then? You just want to walk out of here in the middle of the night? What about Spinner and Johnny? You're just gonna disappear on them?"

"I'm not ... No but, I mean, I have to go. What if they're here?" I plead.

Bear eyes me doubtfully.

Bear doesn't want me to go alone. He argues that if I do find my family, I might not be able to get word back to them. They wouldn't know if I made it okay. With all the focus on the marina, he figures they can use it as a chance to get some better intel on the situation there. I agree to let someone come with me, though it will delay me. But he's right, I have been here for weeks without even thinking of leaving, so I guess I can wait another day. Eventually I relent, reluctantly, because I am going to need his help and I'm not getting it otherwise. We sit in angry silence until I leave to lay down. All night, I toss and turn, unable to calm my anxious thoughts. I wonder what has happened to my family, if they are here, and how I will find them.

* * *

**A/N: Edited to explain how Madge doesn't see Peeta's second interview when it's aired. **


	10. Sector Two

**A/N: Sorry for the delay! This chapter has been giving me trouble from the start. :P**

* * *

The next morning, Bear stays up later than usual to plan my departure. When I stumble in to the meeting after another restless night, I'm still mad. I don't look at Bear, but pull up an empty chair to join the group.

Bear must have already told the others I'm leaving for sector two, because they've already decided on a plan. When I sit, Spinner starts filling me in, "Hey, Maddie. Hear you're heading out?"

"Yes, it's time I got back. I should've gone ages ago," I answer. Johnny sighs, and I glance over to him, but he won't meet my eyes. He's looking down at the table instead.

In the meantime, Spinner continues, "Rebels are gonna take the marina. I'll go with you to the waterfront - take some supplies and meet up with the rebels down there. These two -" he nods at Bear and Johnny, "will find out what Carlo and Marai are up to."

Surprised, I reply, "Uhh … oh. Okay. Is that …"

Bear answers stiffly before I even finish my question, "We all agreed. Spinner goes with you."

I'm still mad at Bear but also a little hurt. I don't know why I should be. It distracts me from the conversation, trying to figure out my mixed feelings. I've come to know Bear better than the others, and he's the only one who fully knows my past. I guess I'd assumed, even after last night, he'd be the one to go with me. Not that I have anything against Spinner. And after all, I'm saying goodbye to all of them, what does it matter who comes with me to sector two?

I realize I've let my mind wander, and force myself back into the conversation. Spinner and I will go to sector two where I'll find my family, if they're there that is. Spinner will hunt down the sector two rebels by the marina. Bear and Johnny are going to join Marai and Carlo with the other rebels. With the surge of enthusiasm coming from the rebels, there's talk of a joint attack on the marina. We're basically abandoning the apartment for the time being, which means everything important has to be taken with us. That means more delay, but I don't argue. I've waited this long. I can wait another day. We spend the day packing everything up and preparing to leave. At some point, Johnny brings me a stack of items from the common supply, including a light-powered water purifier, a gun with some ammunition, and some rope and hooks. As I pack up my belongings, I realize how much these friends have done for me, in a time when nothing is easy to come by. I realize how practically all of my clothing is really Marai's, made from fabrics built for district four's summer heat. I feel grateful but guilty to have taken so much from them, even if it was readily given. Now I take only what I think I need, but recognizing how underprepared I was for district four when I arrived, my pack fills up quickly. In the summer heat, I'll need food and plenty of water too.

The rebel propos keep coming, and we know the rebels' passions are rekindled by them. When Finnick appears on screen, there's a lot of jumping and hugging and slapping hands; they are all so relieved to see their victor. Enthusiasm is sure to be running high in the district. We consider leaving immediately, but everyone is tired after the long day, and we agree to wait until morning. In the evening, Bear takes me aside to review maps and how to find my aunt's place. He's oddly formal the whole time, and thanks to years of playing the proper mayor's daughter, I instinctively fall into my overly polite mode. It's strange, though. He tries to fill in lots of miscellany about district four, and what he knows about sector two, things I would know if I were really from here. Soon I'm so busy trying to remember it all I don't even notice his change in attitude, or maybe some of the formality actually melts away. By the time we're done, I know he's doing everything he can to help me.

During the night, I hear the sounds of bombs somewhere in the city. I'm sure they are meant to be retribution for Finnick's appearance, and intended to kill morale in the district. I hope it backfires.

* * *

We leave early the following morning. In the golden light of dawn, I hug Bear and a tearful Johnny goodbye. The morning is already warm and humid. Spinner appears with a small wooden cart on which is loaded everything he is taking to sector two. There is some pretty serious artillery tucked away under a canvas.

We weave our way through the streets carefully, guns at the ready, pulling the cart along after us. We carefully check each cross street and corner as we reach it. There are peacekeepers patrolling some areas and we'd rather see them before they see us. Our bullets aren't wasted.

I picture the map in my mind as we make our way through the back alleys and side streets of district 4. I had almost forgotten my father's instructions for finding my aunt's house, but with the Bear's maps and enough time, I had remembered my father's instructions eventually, and mapped it out well enough. I know where to go now.

As we get deeper into sector two, we see more evidence of bombings, old and new. Whole buildings lay in ruins, and a few roads we'd planned to take are blocked with rubble and debris. We work our way around them, but eventually we can't find a clear path for the cart. Still, we're only a couple of blocks away from my aunt's home.

I stop Spinner, saying "We should split up here. We're close enough; I don't need you to see me to the door."

He thinks a minute and nods, "Yeah, Okay. I don't think we're going to find a path to get the cart through anyway, and I can't leave it unguarded. Are you sure you're okay from here?"

I force a smile. "No problem!"

He nods, and my smile fades. We look at each other in sad silence for a minute, then he pulls me into a hug. When we break apart, my eyes are wet. "Alright," Spinner says. "If you need me, I'll try to be at the sector's central plaza tonight." He grins. "You take care of yourself, girl." Words fail me and I nod back at him. With that, he fastens a strap to the cart handles so he can pull it alone without being completely vulnerable. I turn, and step lightly through the rubble, heading toward my aunt's house.

It doesn't take long to get to the right street, and as I make my way down the block, I move faster and faster, jogging quickly down the street looking for the right house. I see the windmill my dad described, but it's fallen against the pavement, and I am all out sprinting, hoping against hope that I am wrong, that somehow my eyes are deceiving me. It's the windmill that should mark my aunt's house, but what's left of the house is in ruins, destroyed by bombs. I kneel by the windmill, my pack dropping to the pavement. I'm not sure if it's to catch my breath or to convince myself this isn't all real. But it is real. And this is yet another piece of my life stolen from me by the Capitol's bombs.

* * *

I don't know how long I sit there, but it isn't long before I feel like I am being watched. I get up and slowly sling my pack back up on my shoulder, using it as an excuse to spin slowly back toward the street and survey my surroundings. I catch the movement of a curtain in a window across the street. I have to decide what to do. Quickly I review my options. I can go to that house and confront whoever is there. I can ignore them and leave the street as quickly as possible, hoping to avoid any consequences of being seen. But the ruins of my aunt's house are drawing me to them. I need to investigate them. And I have to do it now; if I wait until nightfall, I will miss my opportunity to find Spinner again, and I really will be on my own. The decision is easy. I turn my back on the inquisitive neighbor and carefully walk through the debris and into the ruined house.

The wreckage inside the house, if it can be called "inside" when there is no roof and only partial walls, is terrible. I am relieved that there is no smell of putrifying flesh. Maybe they escaped? The bombing seems not too recent, and once I start looking closely, I can see evidence of others having come through the house since the bomb, like the rubble that's unnaturally piled here or there. In sector one, those dead from bombings were usually buried by other rebels. I wonder if that's what happened here. The kitchen seems relatively unscathed but the remaining cupboards are empty. So the remains of the house have been looted. There's a picture of a happy-looking couple set carefully on the counter, the frame broken. The woman, I think, must be my aunt. She reminds me of my daddy. Someone must have put the picture here after the bombing. Looters wouldn't do that, would they? Maybe it was neighbors who buried the bodies?

There's nothing remaining in the kitchen, and I know I should check the rest of the house for anything I should take with me. I don't know if I want something sentimental to take with me, or just planning on looting it myself of anything left worth taking. I climb carefully through the wrecked house, when I hear a scuffling noise. I point my gun in the direction of the noise, waiting. For a long minute nothing happens, but then I hear someone's muffled curse.

"Who's there?" I call out. A long silence fills the air, but soon there's more scuffling. I keep my gun trained on the remaining entrance to the room, and in a moment, a scraggly sunburnt blond, maybe a year or two my junior, pokes his head into the room. He looks surprised when he sees my gun pointed at him, and raises his hands in exaggerated surrender.

"Who are you?" I repeat.

"What's it matter?" he asks. "If you're gonna shoot me dead? Hell, if you shoot me it better be dead, you don't wanna leave me dying in the kitchen. I'd be cursin you with every breath. Then again, if you did shoot me dead, I might come back from hell just to haunt ya. Guess you just can't win."

What kind of person takes a gun in his face so lightly? I don't say a word, just raise my eyebrows. He rolls his eyes, "Okay, Okay, I'm Mick. What's it to you anyway? You gonna tell me who you are, and why you're scroungin 'round my house?"

"YOUR house? You mean you live here?" I gasp.

He looks offended. "Well, I did, b'fore it went up in flames. Not quite so cozy anymore, ya know? Anyway there's nothing left to loot so you might as well leave."

"Wait, you lived here? Really? Do you know Henry Undersee? Or Sally? Do you know where they are?" He looks at me puzzled for a minute, before answering, "Of course I knew her, couldna' lived here and not, could I? But I guess she wasn't so lucky as me." He pauses, and his voice drops. "Or maybe she was the lucky one, after all. But what's that other name? Sounded like her old family name, wa'nt it?"

I realize how stupid it was of me to blurt his name out to this stranger. I was still hoping … but who in district four would know about my family? This could be trouble. "Never mind." I say quickly. "So, Sally, Sally Amelin, they killed her? And her family?"

"Yeah, they killed her good. Probably wanted us all dead, set an example. But before you go gettin my life story, you mind tellin me just who I'm talkin to?" he drawls.

"You can call me Maddie. I just came to … check in on Sally, I didn't know … about the bomb. I'm no looter, I just need to know what happened." I lower my gun a bit, to show I mean no harm. But I don't let my guard down.

He steps further into the room. He looks a bit worn on the edges but not starving, though his eyes have a hint of a hungry look to them, and he's got a knife sheathed at his waist. "Well, Maddie, I'm all that's left of the Amelins, and I'm not even one of them. Ms. Amelin took me in a few years back and this here's been my home ever since. And now she's gone and I'm all that's left. I'm not sure I see how anythin else really matters," he sighs.

The old Madge would be all sympathy and optimism, but I know there's no real hope and nothing I can do for him. "Well I'd still like to hear. You had any other visitors? Was that you across the street, or your lookout?" I ask.

"Lookout?" he snorts. "In case you hadn't noticed, this ain't the grand plaza. Been pretty quiet 'round here since half the neighborhood was blown to pieces. Most folks took their leave one way or another."

"Just you then? For how long? What've you been doing here alone?" I am not sure I believe he really is alone, but no harm in letting him think I do.

"Slow down, missy. My throat's parched enough in this heat. The Amelin's boatshack's still standin, ain't it? I make do on my own." He drops his voice and adds thoughtfully, "Why you checkin in on her anyway? You part of the network?"

The network? He means the rebels. "I guess you could say that." I answer warily. "Had some folks hopin' to refuge here but I guess that _ain't gonna_ work out. If you're so interested, why are you sitting around here?"

He snorts again. "What would the rebels want with a scrawny kid like me? I ain't got nothin I can do to help their cause."

"You're wrong," I say. "I bet there's lots you could do with them if you wanted. If you're doing so well on your own here, I bet you're pretty resourceful."

He shrugs. I wonder if I can trust him. Just then I hear his stomach gurgle, and laugh out loud.

"Okay maybe you're not so resourceful. When was the last time you ate?"

He sighs, and grudgingly admits, "Been a little tight the last few days. Capitol's stepped up their guards on the water since those new propos started. Haven't gotten much fishin in."

With my spare hand I rifle through my pack, pull out a ration bar and toss it over to him, along with a small bottle of water. Nothing I can't spare, but those ration bars really benefit from something to wash them down, and in this heat it's easy to dehydrate. He catches them easily, and looks at them in surprise. "Hey, Thanks!" I pull out another water bottle for myself and lean back against what's left of the living room wall, sipping from it slowly, wondering what to do about my new friend.

Soon, Mick is talking my ear off, and I quickly figure out that neither of my parents ever showed up here. The bombing was several weeks ago, not long after I arrived in district four from the sound of it. I shudder to realize that if I had come directly here, I would probably be dead now, just like my aunt. Mick really is the closest thing to family I've got in this world. Not that I'll let him know that. His real name is Mikhail, and his parents were close family friends of Aunt Sally's husband, which is why they took him in when his parents died. Eventually I decide he really is alone, too, just getting by as he can.

There's nothing for him here. Or for me. I figure the best plan for me is to try to meet Spinner in the plaza tonight. I'll need to leave soon. But what do I do about Mick?

I say to him, "Hey Mick, what do you think about joining those rebels? I hear they've got some big plans in the works. Could probably use all the help they can get right about now. Time's coming for me to meet my crew."

He looks up at me and shakes his head, "Hell it's been nice to talk to somebody. I'da given anythin to be fightin for the cause, but Ms. Amelin never would let me near any action. Guess she can't stop me now, and I doubt she wants me sittin 'round here another day. I'm in."

"Okay," I answer. "Here's the deal. My crew won't take a stranger, wouldn't trust them. But if I tell 'em you're my brother, they'll accept it. We'll see how it goes, like I said there are big plans and we can use all the hands we can get." He looks enough like me we probably could pass for siblings.

"Your brother?" He asks incredulously, "How are they gonna believe that?"

I smile. "I guess you'll have to trust me on that. I can't guarantee anything long term, but it'll at least connect you to the rebels and give you a chance to show them what you've got." I wink.

* * *

**A/N: What do you think? Reviews welcome! This was originally two chapters but I didn't want to end it with more destruction. **


	11. Spinner

Mick packs up a few things he wants to bring from the house across the street while I wait. I'm surprised that I'm not more upset about everything today, but when I think about it, I never knew my aunt and her family, and I've already mourned for so many. I've grieved for my parents once, and if they never came here, well daddy always said he'd see me after the war's end. Maybe they had another escape plan.

I wish we could take the little canoe tucked down in the boathouse at the base of the rubble of my aunt's home, but with the Peacekeeper patrols that Mick described, there's no way. We refill our water bottles, using the purifier I brought with me; Mick says he's been fine drinking the water, but I guess it's better to be safe than sorry. We head off toward the central plaza. On the way, I explain the sector one crew to Mick. He talks mostly about things since the house was bombed - activity in the area, his fishing, the peacekeeper boat patrols. I guess he doesn't want to think about the dead and his old life. One topic brings life to us both. Mick is overjoyed about the rebel broadcasts.

"You saw Katniss in battle, didn't you? How she shot down that plane? I wish I could do that!" he exclaims, eyes shining.

I laugh. "That was pretty amazing, wasn't it?" She really is the symbol of the rebellion, and why not? From their view, everything she's done marks her as a leader against the Capitol, from volunteering for her sister, to beating the Capitol at their own game with those berries, escaping the Quell and now leading the fight from the front lines. Time and time again, she's defied the Capitol and survived it. Only those of us who know her understand it's not been a choice, and the nightmares and real dangers that have constantly haunted her.

"Yeah, amazing" Mick repeats in agreement.

I smile, encouraged. "Whoever thought we'd see rebel broadcasts? And with the Victors leading the fight. Katniss and Finnick ... " Mick grins back at me, shaking his head.

But after a minute, his smile fades and his brow wrinkles. "Except her boyfriend. I'm scared for him."

This confuses me at first. Gale looked fine in the broadcast two nights ago. Did something air since then? I pause, briefly relieved when I realize he can't mean Gale - like everyone else, he would think Gale is Katniss' cousin, if he recognized him at all. But that brings a new worry. He must mean Peeta. And Peeta is at the mercy of the Capitol. "What happened to Peeta? He looked fine in his interview. Great, actually. Did the Capitol air something?"

"You didn't see the new interview? It was a couple days ago."

Now I'm concerned. "No, I only saw the one last week. There was more?"

"Oh. Yeah ... 'nother interview. But he didn't look so good. I think they musta filmed the first one awhile back. He's lost too much weight and looked ... twitchy. I dunno. More Capitol talk. Tellin Katniss not to trust the rebels."

That doesn't sound good. Why didn't I see it? I thought we'd seen all the broadcasts. I want to kick myself. It must have aired sometime after the second rebel propo. I'd shut off the television when I got excited about leaving for my aunt's. I ask, "is he okay?"

Mick shrugs despondently and answers, "How can he be, if they've got him?"

* * *

By the time we get to the central plaza in sector two, it's late in the day. I know if Spinner's here, he'll see me the minute I enter the plaza, so I tell Mick just to follow me through the plaza. At first I think it's odd that there are no Peacekeepers here, but then I realize the groups milling about are armed rebels, and they must have control of the square. I hadn't even noticed crossing in to protected territory, but I'm sure we've been noticed before getting this far. Maybe Spinner warned them to keep their eye out for me. I wonder if he's learned yet that no one here knows me.

By the time we're halfway across the square, I see a familiar figure walking at an angle to intercept us at the far edge of the plaza, not far from a group of rebels who seem to be relaxing at a series of tables and benches. When he reaches me, he grins at me and whispers loudly, "Don't look now but I think you're being followed" with a wink.

I smile back and try to sound natural. "Hey, there you are. This is my brother, Mick." I've been rehearsing how to introduce Mick all afternoon.

"Brother, eh? Nice ta meet ya, Mick." Spinner holds out his hand and when Mick takes it, Spinner shakes his hand with mock formality. "Funny, your _sister_ hasn't told us anything about you. But then, she never does like to talk about her home life." And just like that, I guess that Spinner knows Mick isn't my brother, but also that at least for now, Mick is welcome. Maybe I'm not a good enough liar to pull off claiming a guy I've known less than a day as a brother. It is pretty ridiculous. But Spinner trusts me anyway. Mick, wisely, keeps his mouth shut.

"So what's the story?" I ask, trying to change the subject.

"Well, li'l miss, I've got a full dance card tonight. I'd love to take you with me, but I think there's a pillow with your name on it." Spinner laughs. He's in fine form tonight. "You two can take it easy. You'll need to be ready for tomorrow."

He leads us to a building a couple blocks off the plaza, and down into a large basement area where makeshift bunks have been laid out. A young man, probably in his mid twenties, guards the door, Spinner gives him our names. "That's Bob, don't mind him. Someone's always on watch. There are some empty spots over here, but don't leave anything out in the open if you can't live without it," he cautions quietly. "Ready for some shut eye? Been a long day. I can fill you in on things and let ya be if you like." It's still fairly early, but there are almost two dozen people already asleep on some of the bunks.

I glance quizzically to Mick, who looks pretty overwhelmed by all this, and he shakes his head. I doubt he could fall asleep now anyway. I answer lightly, "No, we're alright for now. Don't think I want to close my eyes quite yet anyway." Spinner gets it.

I hesitate before suggesting, "Mick could probably use a bite to eat?"

Spinner gets a gleam in his eye. "By all means - Follow me, friends!" He spins on his heel and parades out of the room.

We follow him back up to the plaza, down another of the empty streets, into what seems like a quiet building. Down another flight of stairs, at the end of a long hallway, we hit a big empty room with a kitchen at one end. The place is pretty quiet, not a lot of people around. I sit while Spinner takes Mick over to get some food. Spinner is first back to the table, appearing in front of me with a full tray of food. He's got a basket of rolls, a couple fried fish, and couple bottles. One looks like the same beer they'd gotten on a few of the Peacekeeper raids in sector one. I wasn't a fan of the stuff. The other is a clear bottle of something pink. Spinner grins at me, eyes sparkling. "Saved you something special, just in case" he says, handing me the pink one. He slips the beer into a pack, saving it for later, I guess.

As soon as the lid is off, the smell hits me. Strawberry. I bite my lip and sigh, trying to keep from smiling. I shake my head at Spinner and answer wryly, "You shouldn't have." He rolls his eyes at me. "Oh come on, it's delicious. And don't worry, there's hardly any alcohol."

I know he thought of the strawberry jam as soon as he saw this. I don't know how, but Spinner always has a steady supply of jam to add some sweetness to the blander food we rely on. Once he brought back strawberry jam, and I guess I savored it a bit too much, that is if licking my plate clean anytime I used it is a bit too much.

I sigh, taking the drink and some of the fish and rolls. I sip the fizzy strawberry liquid slowly while Spinner tells us about his afternoon with the rebels of district two. I have to admit, it's a pretty tasty drink, but not as light on alcohol as Spinner made it seem. I can't help but think of Gale. I wonder where he is now, what he and Katniss are doing. I hope he's safe.

Spinner brings me back to the present, telling us about the situation here, which is better than I'd expected. They rebels hold several strategic positions through the sector and around the Port and its marina. The Peacekeepers have had trouble even keeping their one remaining route out from the Port. He doesn't say it directly, but I get the sense that's where he'll be tonight.

"Any news from one?" I ask, wondering about the others.

Spinner replies, "All good. They've gained the last of the Administration buildings, what's not bombed to pieces. When we're hitting the Marina, sector one will target the train station. I bet the crew'd be glad to see we haven't lost you ... sorry. How bad was it?"

I answer with true sadness, "House was bombed. Mick's the only one that made it. Been on his own for weeks." Concern fills Spinner's face.

Mick comes back with a tray full of food, and Spinner fills us in on what's going on. I've had little interaction with the more organized pieces of the rebellion, though Spinner has been much more connected to it through Carlo and Marai. He explains the barracks and dining area here are for the 'red' group, which we are now a part of. A lot of the rebels aren't trained, but the leaders of the groups all know what they're doing, and when anyone new joins a group, they have to have a trusted reference from another rebel to get in. Thanks to the communicuffs, Spinner could provide his reference (and mine) from the sector one rebels. His possession of the communicuff, not to mention the cart of supplies he'd brought, probably would have been enough to get him in on its own. And probably made it easier for him to get us on the list, as well.

After we eat, Spinner introduces us to a couple older rebels before we check in with our command leader, Wils. Wils interviews first Mick and then me about any abilities we have that might be useful. I don't hear much of what Mick says, because I'm too busy debating what to reveal myself. Eventually I decide that anything combat-related should be included, meaning surprised looks from both Wils and Spinner when I mention I've shot a bow and arrow. I don't claim to be an expert or anything, and I tell them it was just at targets, nothing serious, but the look they exchange tells me it's meaningful to them. I also show Wilson the gun I've been using in district four and how I've helped on Spinner's supply runs.

As soon as we're walking back toward the bunk room, Spinner bursts out incredulously, "Bow and arrow? Why didn't you tell us?"

My cheeks turn pink. "Didn't think it mattered. It's not like I'm that good anyway. After Katniss won the games last year, I wanted to try it out."

"And what, the friendly peacekeepers in sector two were just handing out bows so everyone could try it?"

"Of course not. Look, it's a long story, okay? I'd rather not talk about it right now," I answer defensively, hoping he'll let it drop.

He lets it drop, and uncharacteristically allows silence to follow us all the way back to the bunk room, where he deposits us before heading back for his nighttime mission. I'm not convinced Bob even notices us come in again, but I guess he's here for a reason. Mick settles down quickly. With a full stomach and the alcohol, I slip off to sleep in no time.


	12. The Marina

It feels like I just dropped off to sleep when I am jerked awake by a loud alarm sounding. Abruptly I sit up and look around, trying to figure out where I am. I see Mick, bedraggled and alert, across the room and the previous day comes back to me. The room is a jumble of bodies and noises as rebels pull themselves from their slumber. What time is it?

Wils barks from the doorway, "Everyone up. It's time. Squad teams out on the street in five minutes."

The people surrounding me jump into action, grabbing supplies and heading for the door. I nod to Mick, indicating for him to wait at his bunk for me. I gather my own things and hurry over to him. We join the crowd headed for the door, but before we get there our trusty guard (Bob, was it?) pulls us from the line. "Madeleine? Mikhail? You've been assigned to Squad four. Outside, report to Wils, he'll show you where to go."

"Squad four. Wils. Got it." I repeat, knowing that he'll want more than a nod of confirmation.

Then he turns his back, apparently searching out other late comers who still need assignments.

* * *

Outside, it's still dark. Only the bright moon lights the street. The squads are organizing quickly and we find Wils in no time.

"Oh good. Follow me, you two. Spinner isn't back yet, but he'll join squad four later." He leads us over to a group of nine rebels which must be our squad. Other than two boys about our age, the others are in their twenties and thirties. There we're introduced to Rayf, the squad leader. Rayf is a big, tough looking guy, probably in his thirties, who looks skeptically at us before walking a few steps away with Wils, where they have a quiet conversation.

When he comes back, he's all business. "Alright, folks. Let's get into place. Gilda, take the lead. You two scamps, with me. We're stationed on the roof of the cannery." Mick and I exchange a look, but fall in next to Rayf at the back of the group. Rayf mutters quietly as we walk, a litany of the basics of battle, the protocols he expects his people to follow, the commands he'll expect us to answer to. Since we're new, we should follow the lead of the other squad members. He asks us about our weapons and we confirm my gun, the rope and hooks, our knives. When we're near the marina, Gilda leads us into the cannery, a now-empty warehouse sized factory where she leads us to a stairwell and up to the roof. The wind blows coolly against us, and the sight of the Port and its marina, and the moonlit water captures me for a moment before Rayf orders us down before we're spotted by any Peacekeeper forces.

Crouched on the roof, he directs the various squad members to machine gun nests, sending Mick along with two older rebels, until only I'm left. Nervously, I wait. He waves me over to a fourth gun nest. "You'll be stationed here. Spinner should be here with your gear soon." My gear? I nod dumbly.

I'm engrossed, watching the area around the Port for any sign of rebels, when something swings into my peripheral vision and I startle.

"Easy! It's just me," Spinner whispers quickly, slumping down beside me. My heart is still pounding, but I breathe a sigh of relief.

He says with a chuckle, "Wait 'til you see what I brought, little miss Mockingjay. You just have to promise not to catch on fire." He looks especially delighted with his joke. I wonder how funny he'd find it if he knew who I was. He's still pleased with himself as he pulls a sleek black contraption from his bag. A crossbow. I've never seen one for real and I stare in disbelief.

He laughs at my reaction and explains quietly, "The rebellion sent some medical supplies and weapons last week - they'd sent a few of these. When you mentioned the bow, we thought ... well, it'll take some adjustment but I figured it's worth a try." Then he shows me the two sets of arrows. Pointing to a red-tipped set, he says, "You know how Katniss had those arrows that exploded? These don't have the same power, but you get the idea. Trust me, they pack a punch!"

I'm in awe. I'm not sure I'll be any good with it, but I've read about them and it should be easier for me than a traditional bow and arrow. I didn't really have the arm strength for a bow; I'd tired quickly whenever Katniss had taken me to the woods to shoot.

It's still early when the battle begins, but the sky is brightening as dawn approaches. An explosion at the Port signals everyone to action, and we on the rooftops search out Peacekeeper targets as their troops scramble into action. The crossbow takes time to load, and I start off with the normal arrows until I'm confident about my aim and the range of the crossbow. I'm keyed up and nervous, and my first few arrows miss badly, but I take my time, steadying the crossbow, ducking behind the wall to reload. I get accustomed to the machine guns firing so near, the sounds of combat below. Soon my shots are passably good, and I've taken out two Peacekeepers. I switch to the more powerful arrows.

The battle extends through the day, as fighting wages beneath us, rebels claim more ground, and Peacekeepers fall back. I'd expected, at some point, to be aiming _up_, but_ t_here are no bombers here, no Capitol hovercraft. It seems odd that they wouldn't have more back-up. Either they are occupied in other battles or they've been destroyed, like the ones we saw shot down in the rebel propo. The rebel gains in the surrounding area, their successful blockade of the route away from the Port, the lack of Capitol air support all tilt things in our favor. In the end, the battle is one-sided, and by nightfall, some Capitol troops have escaped in boats, but the remaining Capitol troops have surrendered.

There's no big celebration. The distant sound of explosions indicates that the battle in sector one continues. The rebel teams are rushing to create prison quarters for the surrendered Peacekeepers, to get medical attention to the injured rebels, to bury the dead. Work continues through the night, squads sleeping in shifts. Inventory of the ships is taken, sure that more troops are out in the water, on patrol if nothing else. Rebel patrols are planned, but early in the inventory, a ship being searched explodes, and now a bomb squad is being sent in to check each boat before anyone else boards. For now, rebels keep watch from the docks.

* * *

Almost 24 hours after we were first woken for the battle, our squad gets a break for meals and sleep. I wonder when Spinner last slept, as we all crash into empty bunks in our barracks back by the central plaza.

When we're woken, it's afternoon. By evening, word has come that the train station is in rebel hands. That puts the rebels in control of most of the district, with only a few Capitol troop locations still intact. We should be celebrating, but there's a heaviness to the rebels grouped in the dining area.

As Spinner, Mick and I fill our bellies with ration bars, we learn why, hearing for the first time about the broadcasts aired the night before. There was live programming with President Snow and Peeta, interrupted by rebel clips of Katniss and Finnick. Peeta was blaming damage in the districts on the rebels, including things here in four that everyone here knows were the result of Capitol bombings - more Capitol propaganda.

But the rumor that is whispered again and again is that at the end, as the broadcast bounced back and forth between the Capitol and the rebels, Peeta warned district 13 of an attack to come that night. Apparently all those stories about district 13 were true, that they helped rescue the Victors from the Quell and have been supporting the rebellion ever since. And no messages have come through from the rebel network since the airing. Not a word, not even a response to district four's messages about winning the Port and the train station. Given the circumstances, nobody feels like celebrating.

* * *

**A/N: Sometimes I hate that Madge is subjected to all this, but I'm following Canon (as best I can) and there is a war on. For anyone interested, I've also started a series of Hawthorne family one shots.  
**


	13. Securing District 4

I've never enjoyed watching Capitol broadcasts, except maybe when Spinner and Johnny are there to make fun of them. But now I wish I had seen the broadcasts over the last few days. I can't believe I've missed seeing Peeta, and it's scary to think what the Capitol might be doing to him. Johnny's description of him from a few nights ago just doesn't sound right. And the stories about the last broadcast – I shudder just thinking about it. They said he was being beaten bloody when the screen went black. Would they kill him, for warning 13? Would 13 even survive? Could they all be dead now?

I try to distract myself by focusing on my work here in district four. Now that the battle is over, it seems like there is just too much for the rebels to do. There are so many dead to bury or burn. Here by the Port, so close to the water, there's no good place for burial. Instead, they're loading the dead onto the damaged boats, pulling them out away from the Port with good boats, and burning them. For the living, we desperately need access to food and clean water for the living; many in the district are starving or malnourished, and since the Capitol destroyed the water purification plant, clean water is a major problem. Many were injured in the battles and need medical care. There aren't enough healers, or supplies, to take care of them all. If we don't have clean water, more will fall ill and then where will we be? Adding in another layer of complication, everything has to be as decentralized as possible. The rebels can't create any easy targets for Capitol bombers, now that we've taken the district. The Capitol could still swoop in and take out half the district with its air defenses. We remember the hospital in district 8 all too clearly. We know we can't make it easy for them.

Adding to our troubles, communication has been extremely limited between the sectors. Spinner's communicuff hasn't gotten any messages, which had both of us worried until we learned that none of them were working. So far there have been runners sent to share information, which is inefficient at best. We know sector one rebels control all the key infrastructure including the train station, and they need medical help and food, but not much more.

On top of it all, there are the Capitol troops to deal with. There are still troops hiding out on the water or in town, ready to make trouble. So far most of the ones who have been found have surrendered, but a few skirmishes have cost more lives. For all those who have surrendered, we need a way to imprison them safely. Nobody wants them deciding to mount some offensive together. Word is that some rebels have been taking their own lethal approach to the surrendered Peacekeepers. As if we needed more dead bodies to contend with!

* * *

In the morning, the rebels manage to get a few crews out into the water for fishing expeditions, but it'll be at least a week before they return. In the meantime, they've decided to send people out for the day in the smaller boats that are still seaworthy. Mick is helping prep boats and hoping to get out on the water. I spend the day helping a group of rebels who are setting up some rudimentary food distribution in the sector. The district is so much larger than 12, that the enormity of the task of feeding everyone is staggering to me. Even planning distribution, we're talking mostly about rations from the Capitol troops, fish and shellfish. By the time I leave for the day, I wonder absently if I will ever see a fresh apple again.

I meet Spinner for dinner at another dining area where there's a television. As soon as I see him, I blurt out, "Any news?" He shakes his head. "No, but we're supposed to report to the main dining area at 21:00. Didn't you hear?"

"Oh, I must've missed it. Any idea what it's about?"

"Nah, but I think folks are hoping for a visit from the Mockingjay," he says lightly.

"What?" He can't be serious, can he? Katniss, here? Of course I want to see her, and the rebels would be overjoyed. I freeze, suddenly not sure. What would it mean for me? They'd find out who I really am. Would it matter? What would that mean?

Spinner wakes me from my stupor when he continues, "well, if she's not dead." Then as if noticing my daze he asks, "You alright Maddie? You look kinda funny."

"Oh, um, fine, sorry. It's just, well everything's been happening so fast. And not knowing what happened in 13, I'm just scared for them."

Spinner asks me about my afternoon and I tell him about the provisions center. Our dinner is more Capitol rations.

"Yum," I saw sarcastically to Spinner. He gives me a sympathetic look.

While we eat we see the latest Capitol propaganda being broadcast. Same old story. Every once in a while someone yells at the television when there's an especially blatant deceit. There are rebel propos, too, but they're all things that were aired before the attack on 13. Are they being broadcast from district 13 or from somewhere else? We still don't know anything. Spinner is sure we'll find out at the meeting tonight.

* * *

When we get to the meeting, the room is already packed. We squeeze into the room, finding a spot where we can lean against the wall while we wait. The meeting finally begins when Wils calls us to attention. First he congratulates everyone on the hard efforts winning the district, reiterates that the district is truly in rebel control. Then the best news of the night.

"Y'all may have noticed we've only seen old propos from the rebels today. But earlier today we did get a transmission from district 13 saying they have made it through the bombing and sustained only minimal damage." The noise of the crowd erupts and he quickly continues, calling for quiet. "Quiet, please. I'm sure there are a lot of questions and we have more to get through. We believe the transmission is genuine. However, there are some who are concerned that the transmission may have been faked by the Capitol to trick the rebels somehow. We have no reason to believe that is true, but we are hoping to confirm district 13's survival soon. For now, we are proceeding with cautious optimism."

Wils waits to allow the discussion to quiet down again, before proceeding to discuss the different tasks that rebels are now focused on and some of the important but tedious logistics of the transition. We've stopped paying strict attention, but Spinner listens alertly when Wils starts discussing the communicuffs. He explains that the Capitol troops reset the communications infrastructure they rely on, and everyone who has one will need to have the settings reconfigured. They've assigned everyone with communicuffs to one of two groups based on their squad number, and want them to report first thing in the morning to have them configured. There are a couple other things that I don't really listen to, before the meeting is dismissed.

On our way out of the meeting, Spinner is grumbling about communicuffs.

"If they can fix it now, why are they waiting until morning?" he gripes.

"It's one night," I rationalize. "Just try to get some sleep. In the morning, you'll get it fixed and be all set."

"Whatever, Maddie. I just wish we knew what's going on." He kicks a pebble down the moonlit street. I know he's just worried about his friends, and I can't blame him. But I know he needs to get his mind off it, so I do my best to distract him.

"Whatever, Spinner." I parrot back at him. "It's not like we just won freedom for the district or anything. And who cares about district 13? We don't need 'em. Didn't you hear, the rebels are the source of all evil in the world."

Spinner rolls his eyes. "Hey," I ask, "You think I could get that crossbow back? It could come in handy down at the provisions center." Okay that wasn't funny, but Spinner's not even reacting.

So I push. "Wait, why are you so down on this? Is there something I should know?"

He hurriedly answers, "What? No. Why would there be?" I can't really tell in the darkness, but I swear he's blushing. Spinner? Blush?

"There is! What is it Spin? C'mon, you can tell me." I skip ahead of him and turn, facing him and walking backward so he can't avoid me.

He stops and finally meets my eyes, then immediately rolls them again. "It's nothing. There's this girl … but it's nothing. I don't want to talk about it."

I really wasn't expecting that. It's so unlike the Spinner I know I have to hold back a laugh, and ask, "You don't want to talk about it? You love talking. C'mon Spinner, it's obviously bothering you. Just tell me what's up."

He walks over to a nearby bench and slumps onto it. Exasperated, he says, "I don't even know what's going on. How are you supposed to ask somebody out in the middle of a war anyway? Or plan a date? I mean, is that even an option?"

Oh! I wasn't expecting that. I am definitely not qualified to be giving dating advice. But I think, what if a guy liked me, what would I want him to do. "Well," I say, "yeah. You should ask her out. I mean, the district is secure. So, why wait? I'm sure you can figure out a fun date … if you want I can help you think of ideas."

He looks at me a minute and says, "You love this, don't you?"

I give him a slightly guilty smile and say, "Maybe just a little."

He just shakes his head.


	14. Finnick

**Disclaimer: Referencing and quoting Mockingjay, which belongs to Suzanne Collins.**

* * *

I pry out a few more details about the girl, Rose, from Spinner, before letting him off the hook - for now. But I don't sleep well that night. I start off thinking about Spinner and Rose, and wondering if he'll get his chance with her. But I can't keep my mind off Peeta.

Somehow ever since he and Katniss came home from the games, he's seemed so fragile. It's not just the artificial leg, though that's part of it. It's also the whole thing with Katniss and Gale, and the Capitol.

In other circumstances, I might have been jealous of Katniss. Maybe I had been anyway, back in district 12 on days when things had felt almost normal, and I'd been just a girl pining over a guy who was pining over my friend. Sigh. But I was the Mayor's daughter, and Katniss was the Victor, and we were both trapped in roles they didn't want.

I knew Katniss really cared for Peeta and Gale, even if she couldn't see it herself. She had just never had a chance to really figure out what that meant, or what she wanted with either of them, as long as she was being forced to pretend with Peeta for the Capitol. Now, seeing Gale with Katniss in the propos – well, it just seemed natural. I'd sort of assumed they'd wind up together, before that reaping day. But to think of Peeta being tortured in the Capitol … I can't bear to think of it. I can only imagine it's worse for Katniss. Nothing would ever be simple for them, would it?

* * *

The next morning after breakfast, I report to the food distribution group while Spinner goes to get the communicuff fixed. I haven't seen Mick, now that I know he's getting out on a fishing boat, I don't worry about it. Someone has brought a television to our provisions center so we won't miss any rebel broadcasts. Last night, Wils mentioned that every group should be keeping records of it's progress and activities, so I agree to take notes for our group. It's an easy enough thing to do even if no one else volunteered. I'm given an electronic tablet to use so that everything will be digital and can be referenced later. It's similar to something daddy had in 12 for district business, but is newer and works more intuitively. The hardest part including the right names in the right places, since I just met these people. There's a lot of disagreement too; it takes all morning for them to agree on locations of provision centers around the sector.

When we break for lunch, Spinner is pacing outside. "What's wrong?" I ask.

"The communicuff. They reprogrammed it."

"Yeah, wasn't that the plan? You mean you still can't reach Marai?"

"No, thanks to the rebels. They made it so the communicators send messages through the rebel command structure. They're supposed to be kept only for 'official business'. Hell, I'm lucky they didn't take it from me altogether, but technically it's a sector one cuff so they have no right to it."

"What? Can we change it?"

"I already tried. Hopefully Marai can fix it when I get back."

It catches me off guard. I had never expected Spinner to be staying here, but when we left sector one I hadn't thought I'd still be with him. With everything that's happened, I hadn't thought about him going back, but of course he's going to.

"Oh." I say, for lack of real words.

"I've gotta go back, Maddie. You know that, right?" And he expects me to stay here, I bet.

"Yeah … "

"Are you gonna stay here? With Mick?"

"Uhh, I don't know. Can we talk about it at dinner?"

I take my time walking back to the provisions center, and by the time I get there I've made up my mind to go back with Spinner. There's no real reason to stay here – just Mick, and he'll probably be out on the boats all the time. At least in sector one I've got my friends. Maybe Mick will go with us. It seems unlikely though, given his excitement about the boats.

Around 14:00 that afternoon, the regular Capitol broadcast is broken into by the rebels. I'm not watching the screen, but look up when some of the others start shushing people. My eyes go wide when I see Katniss sitting on a fallen pillar in the wreckage of bombed out district 13. She's alive! In the background, you can see a giant crater in the earth. She talks about the rebellion and how the Capitol depends on the districts for everything. She looks ... hollow, but determined. Once she's established that district 13 survived the bombing and is still leading the fight, the screen switches to show Finnick, and shouts of relief echo around me.

Then he starts talking. Everyone is shocked into silence when we hear, "President Snow used to ... sell me. My body, that is." Gasps and hushed whispers echo through the otherwise silent room.

Finnick goes on to explain how President Snow systematic prostituted him and other victors. No wonder he's working with the rebels. I knew President Snow was basically evil but this … I feel sick. I lower my head to my lap, closing my eyes and trying for deep breaths. It doesn't block the sound, though. He's telling a horrific story of betrayals and backstabbing by people who from the sound of it must be high level Capitol citizens, when the feed is interrupted and the Capitol broadcast flickers back on screen. But it's only a moment before Finnick is back onscreen.

Soon, after a couple more Capitol interruptions, Finnick turns his attention to President Snow.  
"Such a young man when he rose to power. Such a clever one to keep it," he begins dully. I don't know much about President Snow. I've seen his appearances in the broadcasts, of course, his role in the games. I met him once, but all I really remembered after was his cold eyes, and that disgusting smell of blood and roses. Those eyes haunted me for a week.

On screen, Finnick continues calmly, "How, you must ask yourself, did he do it? One word, that's all you really need to know. Poison." Everyone is listening with rapt attention. He even talks about those roses, says they're to cover the smell of blood sores, from drinking the poison himself to divert suspicion. I shudder, thinking of that meeting long ago. Occasionally the capitol broadcast breaks in, or the screen blacks out, but never for long. Each time, Finnick pops back on the screen within minutes and continues weaving his tale.

I look around at the others, seeing my own shock reflected back in the eyes of several of the others. By the end, we're all stunned and silent. Several minutes pass, before one of the rebels leading the provisions group announces, "Finnick just made himself public enemy #1. Anyone think there won't be retaliation? We need to be prepared. Back to work, folks."

* * *

By the time I leave the provisions center, we've worked out a plan for distributing provisions for the time being. Trucks will be used to distribute food to the locations throughout the sector at night, starting tonight. They're even sending provisions to sector one, which doesn't have the same access to the water. At the same time, I've worked out my own plan. I find some paper and scribble a note I've written out in my head. I take it down to the Marina, before heading to dinner. The day boats, including Mick and his crew, are still out to sea. By the time I get back, I find Spinner waiting for me outside our regular dining hall.

Before he has a chance to say anything, I tell him, "I'm coming with you."

"What about Mick?" he asks.

"He'll be fine. He's got his crew on the day boat."

Spinner takes it in stride. "Alright. When will you be ready?"

"There's a truck taking provisions tonight. We can catch a ride with them," I explain. "We have to be at the Port at 22:00."

"Maddie, you're the best!" Spinner says. Neither of us brings up Finnick's interview. I don't want to think about it.

* * *

**A/N: Little does Madge know that Peeta is being rescued!**


	15. Reunion

I get to the Marina early, in hopes that Mick got my message. Sure enough, he's waiting there when I arrive.

I catch his eye and we meet near the waiting provisions truck. "How was the fishing?" I ask hopefully.

He's bursting with energy. "It was so great! I'm part of a whole crew, and we spent all day bringin in fish. You shoulda seen it!" I grin at his enthusiasm.

"That's great! You're okay that I'm going?" I know we barely know each other, but we came here together, and I feel a little responsible for him. I'm not just going to disappear.

He smiles at me, "Yeah. You know you're not really my sister, right?" I stick out my tongue at him, making a face. "Just checking!" he says with a laugh.

I nod at him, smiling. "Just watch out for yourself, okay little bro? And come visit me. Anytime. Everyone in sector one knows Spinner, so just ask for him."

"Okay," he agrees. "Maybe we can go fishing together sometime?"

"Sounds good." I pull him into a hug and tell him, "I'll see ya, Mick."

"Bye, Maddie."

* * *

When Spinner shows at the Marina for our trip back to sector one, he's brought me a present – the crossbow. He shrugs as if it's nothing. "Hey, they're not gonna need it." Together we hop aboard the provisions truck for our ride home.

We're back in sector one before midnight. I'm waiting impatiently outside the sector's command center while Spinner figures out where to find our friends, when I hear his quiet voice.

Bear murmurs, "Maddie?" and I turn to see him standing a few feet away. He throws his arms around me and as I hug him, he pulls me off the ground.

"Hey Bear! I missed you." I say when he puts me down.

"Missed you too," he says gruffly. "Where's Spin? We just got word you were back."

"He's … in there, finding out where you are, I thought." I gesture to the command room.

Bear smirks. "He's probably just saying hi to … a friend."

My eyes widen. "Rose? She's in command?"

He laughs. "You know, huh? Yeah, she's here because of your provisions truck. She's head of distribution here."

"So where's the gang?" I ask.

Bear grimaces. "Set up near one of the infirmaries. We're all a little beaten up. Carlo ... didn't make it."

"What?" I exclaim.

"Killed in the train station fight. You know Carlo, always on the front lines," he says quietly.

"Oh, Bear." I sigh, slouching onto a nearby bench. "How's Johnny doing?"

"He's okay. Taking it hard, but who can blame him. He'll be glad to see you, though."

I shake my head. "I'm glad you were there for him. And Marai?"

"It's tough on her too. She's in the infirmary - she was pretty banged up, and I think the news from Carlo just combined with the injuries. She seemed pretty lost that first day, but she's doing better now. I think she'll be okay."

Bear moves stiffly over to the bench, and I realize he's favoring his right leg.

"Bear, what happened? Are you okay?"

He waves it off. "It's fine – be better in no time." I look at him appraisingly, but he's not giving up anything. "You know you'll tell me eventually, right?"

He shrugs. "Then I guess you'll find out then." I let it go for now.

After a few minutes of quiet, Bear nudges my elbow. With a teasing glace he says, "So, little miss Spy, what happened in sector two? Missed us too much to stay away?"

I can't help smile, but I roll my eyes at him. "What, you're gonna make me tell the story twice? I'll just have to repeat it when we get back to Johnny."

He twitches an eyebrow, and casually replies, "I just thought maybe there are parts you'd be … editing out?"

"I can't imagine what you mean," I say, smiling innocently back at him.

Instead, I ask him quietly if he saw the broadcasts with Peeta.

"Yeah, we saw them. Peeta looked pretty bad, Maddie."

I nod. "I'm worried about him, Bear. He may have saved 13, but who's going to save him?"

"I don't know." He wraps his arm around my shoulder comfortingly.

We wait together until Spinner shows up, girl in tow. She's beautiful, with dark brown skin, her black hair braided tightly against her scalp, light flickering in deep dark eyes. Spinner introduces us.

Spinner and Rose lead the way, while I hang back with Bear. He's not moving very quickly and I can tell his leg hurts, but he pushes on until we catch up at the infirmary. Then Bear takes us to Marai's room, where Johnny is passed out in a chair by the bed. Marai is asleep too, in her bed. There's a bandage around her head and most of her is covered by bedsheets.

Spinner goes over to him and gently touches his shoulder, whispering to him. Johnny opens bleary eyes and his face breaks into a smile as his eyes find Spinner. "You're here!"

Spinner hugs him tightly, then it's my turn. "Maddie, you're back?" He's happy to see me, but I can see the pain and strain have worn on him.

"How could I stay away? I missed you too much." I ask with a faint smile. I give him a big hug, too. Then we decide we should probably go into the hall so we don't wake Marai, except just as we're sneaking out, we hear her stir.

"What, no hugs for me? I know I'm injured but show some compassion." So we all crowd back into the room. Before we can hug her, Marai warns us she has bruised ribs, so Spinner and I each wrap our arms around her as gently as we can. Rose explains she has to get back to the control center to check on the new provisions. I try to suppress my smile when I see how she looks at Spinner. If there had been any doubt, it's gone. She definitely likes him back. It's cute, how they're trying to be nonchalant about seeing each other again. I make a mental note to ask Bear more about her when I get the chance.

Everyone wants to hear about our adventures in sector two, so Spinner and I take turns describing everything that's happened to us. It's hard to believe it's been less than a week. So much happened. I tell them that my family's home was destroyed, and only my brother Mick survived. Everyone says how sorry they are. Spinner describes the fight for the Port and Marina, which would be fine except the way he tells it I'm as good with a crossbow as Katniss is with her bow. I try to object, but he takes one of Marai's pillows and throws it at me. I barely catch it as it hits the side of my face. Through my laughter I object loudly, "Spinner!" to which Bear hushes me, "People are trying to sleep!" and suddenly we're all laughing uncontrollably. Finally we calm down enough so that Spinner can finish the story. Marai nods knowingly when Spinner gripes about the communicuff. She explains briefly that they did the same thing here. When I finally end with an explanation of Mick staying in sector two and how we joined the provisions truck, the mood is more somber.

I want to hear their stories, but it's really late, and everyone's had a long day and we can't all crash here in Marai's room. So we say goodnight and Johnny leads us a few blocks away to an abandoned apartment building, where Carlo and Marai had been staying when they weren't with us. We all huddle into the only bedroom, where there's a bed and a couch. I claim the couch and we agree Spinner and Johnny will take the bed. Bear still keeps night watch, even though the district has been won. It reminds me of what the rebel from sector two had said, about retaliation for Finnick's interview. I sit on the edge of the bed, stroking Johnny's hair until he's asleep. It's something my mother used to do with me when I was little. It always comforted me, so I guess it just makes sense to me to do it for him, knowing what he's going through. I wonder, though, about his family. Was it just Johnny and Carlo? Johnny's breathing grows steady and shallow and I know he's sleeping soundly.

I'm exhausted too, so I curl up on the couch. I dream of boats and bombs and hovercrafts.

It's the imagined impact of a bomb in my dream that jolts me awake. Spinner and Johnny are still asleep, but there's enough light to see by that I figure it's morning, so I sneak out of the room as quietly as I can. I find Bear in the main room, his thigh wrapped with a gauze bandage, checking out my crossbow. "Watch out," I whisper. "I'm pretty dangerous with that thing."

He looks at me with one eyebrow raised before answering, "I believe it. I know who you learned from." _Right_.

"Don't believe Spinner," I caution. "I'm nothing compared to her."

I flop down next to him on the floor, thinking of all the things that have happened lately. There's so much I want to ask him. "Bear, does Johnny have any family left? Do you know?"

"Yeah, but he's not going back to them. His dad .. he's not right in the head. He drinks. Carlo got Johnny out of there; they've been on their own for years."

"Poor kid," I sigh.

Bear reaches over, covering my hand with his. "Hey, he's still got us. So, no sign of your family then?" he asks.

I shake my head. "Not besides Mick. He is family sort of. My aunt's adopted son, I guess you'd say."

"Were your parents …?" He doesn't finish the question. He doesn't have to.

"No. Mick said they never came."

"So I guess you're still stuck with us." He gives my hand a comforting squeeze.

"Guess so." I say, but he knows I'm glad to be here, to have him as a friend.

Later, when the others are up, we head back to the infirmary. Spinner brings a gun and tells me to bring the crossbow, for when we visit command. Bear also gives me a paper map of the area, in case I need to find my way around.

At the infirmary, Spinner asks Marai what to do with the communicuff, and she explains she's figured out a new work-around so it will work on the rebel systems and also for one-to-one communication. While she tinkers, we talk about the plans for the day. Spinner and I will need new assignments here in sector one. The others already have theirs – Johnny is not just visiting Marai in the infirmary, but helping out there and being trained to assist the healers. Marai, once she's recovered, will be back in communications. Bear says he's stuck with a "boring desk job" thanks to his leg, but it turns out that means he's going through Capitol records – some paper, some digital - from the Administration offices for intel on the Capitol and providing reports on Capitol infrastructure and procedures - the good and the bad - to help with rebuilding.

Before we leave for the command center, Spinner and Marai test the communicuffs with a few messages back and forth. Everything goes through. We agree to meet back here after dinner, and Spinner and I head to the command center. There is a special desk set aside for "recruit assignments" so Spinner and I head there. First they get Spinner's name recorded, though they already know him. They assign him to help in the command center, on temporary assignments wherever extra hands are needed. Then it's my turn. "Name?" the intake officer asks. I freeze up.

"Name?" he repeats, now focused on me. Spinner nudges me back to reality.

"Oh. Sorry. I'm Maddie. Madeleine. Amelin." I say, using my aunt's last name. That was the original plan, as far as I knew, so I don't see any reason to not use it now.

When he asks me what skills I have, I look slyly at Spinner and tell the officer that I helped with provisions when I was in sector one.

"Provisions, then. You'll report to Rose Rylet." Spinners eyes widen at me, briefly. What did he think I was going to say? The officer gives me directions to the distribution center.

He wants to go with me to find Rose, but I stop him and send him back to command. "I know you just want to see your girlfriend, Spinner, but I've got this. I'll see you later, ok?"

"She's not my girlfriend," Spinner protests. "Not yet," I answer.

I find Rose pretty easily. She's busy talking to some other people, so I wait patiently. While I'm waiting, I remember Bear's map and pull it out, trying to identify where I am and where else I've been on the map.

I've just traced my path between the provisions center and command when Rose finishes her conversation and comes over to see me. "Hey Maddie. What's going on?"

"I've been assigned to you." I tell her. "Provisions. I saw them plan the distribution centers in sector two."

"So that's how you two got a ride on my truck yesterday? I just thought Spinner pulled off his usual magic. Well, welcome to the team. Let me show you around." Her welcome feels a little hollow, though. She seems uncertain, like she hasn't decided what to make of me.

Still, she leads me around the building, showing me where the provisions are stored and explaining to me how they've been working things so far. She's just started telling me about where the other distribution centers are in the area, when her communicuff beeps. She looks at it and frowns, muttering, "Code 3 alert." She looks up at me, then nods to the crossbow I'm still carrying. "You any good with that?"

I shrug, "I'm not bad I guess. What's going on?"

"Can't say for sure, but if we're going to be attacked it'll probably be from the air. Let's head to the roof."

She calls to a few others, and leads us up flights of stairs. I'm out of breath long before we reach the top, but she's still going strong. There are machine gun nests set up along the edge of the roof, not unlike the ones we'd shot from in sector two.

Then Rose points to the horizon, and I see them too. Capitol Bombers.

* * *

**A/N: So Madge is reunited with her friends, but the war isn't over yet.  
**


	16. Rose

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who reading and especially for the reviews!**

* * *

My heart is racing. I can feel it pounding in my chest, thudding in my ears. The very sight of those bombers brought a wave of fear crashing over me. Rose directs the rebels to machine gun nests, and I follow her lead to one near the corner of the roof. She and another rebel are already setting up, firing at the bombers. There are only four, and one is hit repeatedly as it approaches. The plane erupts in flame and goes down somewhere to my right. I scramble into place but my hands are shaking and I can't get the arrow loaded. At least I have some of those explosive-tipped ones, since a regular arrow would probably bounce harmlessly off these aircraft. But by the time I've loaded one, bombs have dropped, targeting a few large buildings several blocks away, and the bomber are out of range.

"They'll loop back around. Keep watching." Rose calls out tersely.

On the next round, I try to take aim on the front bomber. They're moving so quickly, it's hard for me to judge the angle. After a split second adjustment, I let the arrow fly, but it doesn't find its target. Instead, it hits the wing of the third bomber, which spirals out of control and crashes into another building only blocks away. Seconds later, the front bomber is hit by gunfire from Rose and her team. At the same time it's hit from another direction, probably another rebel group on a nearby rooftop, and it falls from the sky. I can't believe it. We've taken out three of four bombers in minutes. Columns of black smoke are rising from where they went down.

Mind you, my shot was pure luck. It didn't come close to the bomber I was aiming for. I load another arrow and wait.

We watch for the lone remaining bomber to circle back around.

"Nice work," she says to me, her eyes still trained on the sky.

"Not really," I admit. "I wasn't aiming for that one. You were incredible though."

She smiles tensely. "Thanks. But, don't tell people that - about the aiming. A bomber down is a bomber down. All they need to know is you took it down."

We wait for the bomber, but it never returns. Finally, after a half hour, Rose gets a message on her communicuff and calls us back down. As we make our way back into the building, I ask her, "What were they targeting?"

"Their administration buildings. We're lucky, not many rebels in that area."

I remember that Bear is looking at Administration stuff and feel a tight fear knot my stomach. "Bear was looking at their records. You don't think ..?"

She looks at me sharply. "Spinner's friend? Is he even awake at this hour? Anyway, he's laid up, remember? He wouldn't be down there." Relief washes over me as we pound down the dim stairwell.

As soon as we're back in the main provisions center, Rose is back to business. She leads me from room to room, checking in with a few groups, efficiently taking in their progress and issuing commands before moving on. In each room, she takes a minute to introduce me, telling everyone that I've joined the provisions team and that I shot down one of the bombers today. Since that's basically all she says, it sounds like I'm some amazing rebel soldier. It's embarrassing; I worry they'll be disappointed by the reality. Still, it's clear that Rose has everyone's respect, and it's pretty impressive, seeing her in action. As we walk, she asks to see my map, and uses it to explain where the distribution centers are. She points to one not far from the apartment & infirmary, and tells me I should report there tomorrow. She explains that the distribution centers have only been open a couple of days, but they're working to transition from the dining halls to people getting food independently. The dining halls won't go away entirely, though, just get used by fewer people. Then an older guy calls out to her, catches up to us near the glass-enclosed break room, and tells Rose she's needed to fill out a report on the bombers.

"Be right back." She says, leaving me alone with my thoughts, which are still trained on those Capitol bombers. Were they trying to kill rebels, and we were just lucky? Or were they trying to destroy records of some kind? And what about the planes that crashed? Could they have hit any rebels? Could the pilots have survived?

I'm still waiting for Rose to come back when Spinner appears. He spots me from the hall and hurries in, giving me a quick hug before asking, "Maddie are you okay? Was anyone hurt?"

I shake my head, a bit slow to register his questions. "No, Spinner, I'm fine. Nothing hit here. Rose was fearless though. She reminded me of Rayf."

Then the sneaky smile spreads across my face. "Thanks again for the crossbow, it's coming in pretty handy."

His eyes widen, his hands grip my arms. "Wait, you mean ...?" I nod sheepishly, my cheeks burning. "Well, it wasn't the one I was aiming for, but like Rose said, a bomber down is a bomber down."

Spinner shakes his head at me, still beaming. "Maddie that's amazing. You're incredible." I can't help laughing at him.

Something over his shoulder catches my gaze; I look and see Rose, standing in the hall, watching us with an unreadable expression. When she sees me looking, she bites her lip. She doesn't look happy, that's for sure. She turns, hurrying away from us. Where's she going? Spinner's hands are still holding my arms. Wait, she doesn't think that I .. that me and Spinner are a _thing_, does she?

"Uhh, wait here, Spinner. I gotta go. I'll be right back." I sputter out before running after her down the hall.

Fortunately, she wasn't really trying to run fast, because I probably never would have caught her. She just wanted to get out of sight. When I round the first corner I almost run into her.

When she sees me, she turns away. I'm still catching my breath, but I can't let her run again. "Rose, wait. You've got the wrong idea."

She turns back to me, steely-eyed, eyebrows arched. She doesn't believe me. "The wrong idea? I know what I saw, Maddie. It's fine." It's obviously not fine, though, no matter how hard she's pretending.

"No, it's not Rose." I insist. "Spinner and I .. we're not like that. We're just friends. He was just excited about the bombers." I almost blurt out that Spinner likes _her_, but I stop myself. I know it's the truth, but shouldn't she hear it from him? "That crossbow, he got me that when we were in sector two. He was just excited that _WE _took out those bombers. It didn't mean anything, I swear."

"Why should I care? You two can be whatever you want," she says, feigning indifference.

I decide not to call her out on it. I hardly know her. "Okay, Rose, if that's how you feel. Fact is we're just friends. Now can we go back and find out why he's here?"

She take a deep breath, examining the wall in front of her. Then, almost reluctantly, she lifts her chin and leads me back. Spinner is anxious, having seen me race down the hall for no apparent reason, and he doesn't seem like himself. He says she's needed in command, that he came here to get her.

"Why didn't they just use the communicuff?" she grouses.

Spinner claims they wanted to "keep channels open" given the attack, which I doubt but I'm not going to say anything. He explains that one of the bombers came down practically on top of a distribution site, and they need her there.

It's not until after they're gone that I realize I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now.

* * *

After checking in at the closest dining hall for another tasteless meal of Capitol rations, I eventually find my way back to Marai's room in the infirmary. She's dying for news of the outside world, so I describe the whole bomber attack, and the issues with Rose. She's excited that the bombers got taken out and congratulates me on my hit even if it was accidental. She doesn't think I should worry about Rose - says she's smart and will figure things out soon enough. Still, I'm uncomfortable with the whole situation. When Spinner shows up, I drag him out into the hall. I have to convince him to ask out Rose already, for both our sakes.

"Well? What happened?" I demand.

"What do you mean?" he asks, confused.

"With Rose, you idiot. Did you ask her out?" He needs to tell her.

"No, not yet." When he sees my exasperation, he protests. "What? The distribution site, remember? We were a little busy."

"Fine," I relent. "But you do like her, right?"

His look says it all.

"Okay then. You've got to ask her, Spinner. I mean it. Did she tell you anything about when you came to the provisions center? She thought we were a couple, Spinner."

He looks at me like I'm crazy. "She thought what? That's crazy. I mean, no offense ..." I laugh. "I know, Spinner. I tried to explain it to her, really I did. But if you want her, you've got to make a move!"

He looks at me uncertainly. "What am I supposed to do? How can I ask her out when there are Capitol bombers attacking us?"

I grab his shoulders and look him directly in the eye. "Spinner, don't you get it? That's why you have to tell her how you feel. What if something happens to one of you? Do you want to live knowing you never told her? Wondering what would have happened?"

He inhales slowly and rubs his hand over his face, looking down to the ground. "You're right," he says. "I have to tell her."

"Good. Then maybe she won't hate me," I tease.

With my prodding, he decides he's going to find her first thing in the morning to ask her out. Now he just needs to plan a date!

That night there's a live broadcast from the Capitol, but it's not Peeta on screen this time. It's his prep team. I recognize them immediately. For our viewing pleasure, Snow has them executed on live television.

_"Let this be a lesson to anyone who betrays the Capitol," _I think.

"What do you think they did?" Johnny asks.

"Who knows?" says Marai cynically. "Maybe they gave Peeta the information about the bombing. Or maybe they just did their jobs. The Capitol doesn't believe in justice, only vengeance. Apparently Peeta's not their pet monkey anymore." I can't help but worry about what they've done to _him_.

That night they tell us what happened in sector one while we were gone. Marai talks about how the rebels were using the communicuffs to coordinate between groups. When the network went down, they were stuck in a vulnerable position without a way to communicate. When Marai explains how Carlo was shot by the Capitol troops, and Bear shot in the leg trying to get him to safety, everyone goes quiet. Then, slowly, they start sharing their memories. They talk about when they first met Carlo, and about the good times they shared, and the bad. Even I speak up, remembering the night Johnny first brought me to the apartment, when I first met Carlo. I hug Johnny to my side as story after story comes, and tears flow, as we remember his brother.

Afterwards, laying on the couch waiting for sleep to come, it strikes me how they had all needed that chance to grieve. They needed to say goodbye, together.

In the morning, Spinner's gone when I get up. I fix some tea and take an extra cup to Bear, whose expression brightens when he sees me. "Hey, I hear you're a rebel hero now," he says.

Spinner must have told him. I protest, "I missed and got lucky. That's less heroic than you, and everyone else here for that matter."

He lifts his eyebrows at me. "The way I hear it, you took one shot with that crossbow of yours, and it took down a Capitol bomber. Sounds pretty good to me."

"Well the way you hear it makes me sound way more awesome than I really am. In reality I was scared out of my wits."

"So you admit you're awesome?"

I roll my eyes and mutter, "If I say yes will you shut up about it?"

"What's the fun in that?" he teases.

When I finish my tea, I get ready and head out to the place on the map Rose marked for me yesterday. When I walk in the door of the distribution site, a woman, probably in her forties, walks over to greet me. She reminds me of Rose, actually.

"Morning, sweetheart. You must be Maddie Amelin, am I right?" she asks brightly.

I smile politely, "Yes, ma'am."

She waves her hand at me dismissively. "Oh, please, call me Naiya, dear. I hear we're gonna be working together! I'm just delighted. I hear you already met my Rose."

"Ohh!" I say, connecting the dots. "Your Rose. She's -" Naiya cuts me off, "My daughter, dear. Yes."

"Well it's a pleasure to meet you, Ms... I mean, Naiya. I hope you'll be patient with me while I learn the routine around here."

Naiya takes me by the arm and guides me away for a tour of the building. "Of course, dear. Let me show you around. We're just organizing provisions that came in last night. I'll introduce you to Tad and Sasha at our morning meeting. I'm so delighted we can provide something for the people of the district, aren't you?" I am, actually, though she doesn't give me a chance to say so. She keeps her narrative up through the whole tour, though it's a pretty simple layout. Scarcely taking a breath, she tells me about each little thing. It's a little overwhelming, but mostly it's great. Naiya is really upbeat, and I think I'll like working with her.


	17. When it rains it pours

**A/N: Hi everyone - Thanks so much for reading! Just a note to let you know I'll be away from the internet a lot over the next few weeks. I hope to post another chapter or 2 later this week and will include an update about how long I'll be away then.**

* * *

I've been working with Naiya a few days, and so far everything's been going pretty well. I'm still learning about the inventory and everything behind the scenes, but I have a bit of a knack for the actual handing out provisions work. Being a Mayor's daughter was perfect training for dealing with the general public, I think. I'm so used to not batting an eye at having to deal with all different types of people. Only back in district 12, it was usually Capitol citizens we had to host in our home during their seemingly interminable visits. Here it's a constant stream of new faces. Naiya is really patient with me when I screw something up, too.

Things seem to be getting better for everyone. Spinner asked Rose out, thankfully, and of course she said yes. She definitely seemed more welcoming to me after that - she even apologized to me. They had their first date last night. He wouldn't tell me anything about it but based on the goofy smile on his face this morning, I think it went well.

Yesterday, Marai was released from the infirmary. She didn't come back to the apartment though. I guess there are too many memories of Carlo there for her. She's staying with a friend from the communications task force instead.

Bear's working in the apartment, mostly at night, on one of those electronic tablets like we use to register people at the store - my nickname for the distribution site. His leg is healing I guess. He doesn't like to talk about it, which is really frustrating. Spinner reminded me that Bear usually prefers to be on his own anyway. Since Bear won't talk about it, I've started calling him 'the invalid' as a joke. Spinner loves it.

I was at the store today when Naiya got the message on her communicuff for people to gather at our muster stations at 16:00. So, here we are.

Each neighborhood has a muster station where we're supposed to gather for important news briefings. Naiya explained them to me on my first day, and pointed out ours on my map. They're actually called something like Neighborhood Response Advisement and Action Centers, but nobody calls them that. Muster stations are where you gather in an emergency on a ship, so it didn't take long for the people of district four to apply the term here.

The announcement is about a hurricane that may be headed our way. The word sounds familiar but I can't place it at first. As the discussion turns to storm surges and wind speeds, I remember where I've seen it: in descriptions of the long ago time before Panem existed, tucked in there with storms and sea level rise. We didn't get hurricanes in district 12. but I know it doesn't sound good.

I'm trying to remember more details when I hear a muffled snort to my right. Next to Johnny, Bear is covering his mouth, as if suppressing a laugh. When he glances my way I glare at him, but that only makes him fight off more laughter. What's his problem? It's one of few times he's been out of the apartment since the train station attack. Is he laughing at something about the new system of organizing and announcements?

Our spokesperson goes on to describe the preparations already underway, and says extra provisions will be available at the distribution sites tomorrow, to help everyone prepare. He lists the sites and hours for people to get their supplies. I guess I'll be hearing more about that soon enough. They don't even bother talking about what to do when the hurricane hits - I guess everyone here already knows that.

On our way back to the apartment, Bear does it again - only this time he doesn't suppress his laughter when he looks at me.

"What?" I hiss at him.

Making sure no one else will hear, he whispers teasingly, "do you even know what a hurricane is?"

Great, he's laughing at me now. I shove his side, which I shouldn't since his leg is still recovering, and huff, "Shut up! I know it's bad. Like a big thunderstorm."

"Okay okay, you're not completely clueless. But you've never seen one, right? It's the wind, that makes it a hurricane. Seriously, hope it passes us by. Those storms can do serious damage."

We're not back in the apartment half an hour when there's a pounding on the door. Johnny raises his eyebrows at me. When I shrug, he hops up and answers the door, then walks back into the apartment followed by Rose.

"Maddie!" she says happily. "Hey! I was hoping to see you. How's everything going?"

I'm glad to see she's acting normally toward me. I smile and answer, "Going great. Your mom's really helping me get into the routine." As I speak, Spinner's head pops into the room from the hallway behind Rose, but he's holding a finger to his lips, so we all act like we don't see him and I try to focus on my conversation with Rose.

He sneaks quietly toward her as she laughs, telling me, "Yeah, sorry I haven't been by the site much. It's one crisis after another, I swear. And now the hurricane. So, we'll be sending extra provisions around on a few trucks in the morning, to distribute as much as we can before the storm hits. I'm hoping to recruit Spinner to help. Speaking of ... is he here?"

I don't know how I keep myself from bursting out laughing. "Umm ... yeah, he's around here somewhere." Just then, Spinner closes the distance between them and lightly grasps her waist. "Boo!" he says.

Rose shrieks, practically jumping out of her skin. Bear, Johnny and I crack up laughing. Rose smacks Spinner in the chest as she turns to face him. Infuriated, she gripes at him, "You...! You're gonna pay for that."

Spinner lifts his eyebrows and grins back at her. "Oh really? And here I thought you came to ask my help."

She gripes at him, "You're impossible. Come on, we gotta get to command." With that, Rose drags him out the door. We have a pretty quiet night in the apartment after that.

The next morning when I arrive at the store, Naiya is already directing Tad and Sasha in preparations for the crowds that are sure to visit us today. I haven't talked to her yet about Rose and Spinner ... I wonder what she thinks about it. Getting down to business, she tells me that Spinner's bringing the truck in two hours. We'll distribute from the existing inventory until then, and then distribute from both the regular counter and directly from the truck while supplies last. We'll be checking people in on the electronic tablets as usual, so nobody gets more than their fair share. There's already a steady stream of people, and the time passes quickly. Before I know it, the truck is pulling up outside the building. Tad and I hurry out to meet Spinner. There's not a ton of space to work with at the back of the truck, so Spinner sends Tad back in to help Naiya at the counter, while I stay to help him. Spinner takes the electronic tablet to check people in, but soon the crowd is overwhelming. He has to yell to be heard about them all, as I hand bags of food and supplies down to people Spinner's registered. The crowd pushes forward impatiently until they are almost against the back of the truck, scarcely allowing room for people to leave.

I'm trying to distribute the supplies as quickly as I can, getting them to the right people. Then, before I know what's happening, my ankle is jerked out from under me as I'm reaching into the truck for more provisions, and I'm pulled off the edge of the truck. I hit the pavement hard, knocking the breath out of me, and then hear a series of gunshots, followed by Spinner's agitated voice. "Everybody back. Out of the way."

Why was there gunfire? What's going on that I can't see? The crowd moves away, and I'm staring up at a cloudy sky, shakily gasping for air.

Again he yells, "You take one step near the truck and I won't hesitate to shoot. We'll close down the entire distribution site if anyone so much as breathes heavy." Then he's at my side, asking if I'm okay. Shakily, I answer, "Yeah, I think so." As I try to shift to one side, pain surges from my shoulder. I yelp, "Ow! My arm hurts."

Naiya has pushed her way through the crowd and slowly checks me over and helps me up. I ache all over and something is wrong with my shoulder, from which my left arm hangs awkwardly, but I can walk and talk and seem mostly okay, so Naiya helps me to a back room in the building and orders me to stay there. I'm not about to argue, but I insist that she go back out to finish the distribution. She does, once she's sent a message to the infirmary and has brought me some water to sip on. I close my eyes and try to ignore the pain.

The infirmary sends its own vehicle to come pick me up and take me back to get checked out. In the infirmary I learn that my shoulder has been dislocated and there's damage to the tendons and ligaments - basically, the stuff that usually holds my shoulder in place. The healer resets the shoulder into place and puts my arm in a sling. She says I shouldn't use my arm at all, that it needs time to heal. Otherwise, I'm a little scraped up but nothing serious. She's going to let me go home, but I'm supposed to come back in two weeks to have my shoulder checked. Then she tells me to wait while they prepare painkillers for me to take home. While I wait, I think about what happened. I feel stupid; I should have been more careful.

It's been a long time since I've thought about playing piano, but somehow losing the use of an arm, and sitting here bored in the infirmary, brings to mind the hours I used to spend practicing. To distract myself from the pain, I tap out the pattern of an old familiar melody with my good hand. I'm quietly humming and tapping my way through a second tune when Johnny appears at the door to my room looking overly concerned.

"Maddie? Are you okay? How long have you been here?"

"Hey. I'm okay, just a little banged up. The healer's going to bring me some medicine for my arm."

He turns a critical eye on the sling. "It wasn't a break. Dislocated? I can go check on the painkillers, if you've been waiting long." That's right, I think, he works here now.

I shake my head. "You know all about this stuff now, huh?"

He blushes a bit, saying, "Not really, but I'm learning more every day. I'll go check on your medicine." He disappears down the hall.

Johnny's back in no time at all, pouring me a glass of water so I can take one of the small white pills he's brought. After I take the pill and finish the water, he hands me the rest of the pills in a packet and tells me, "Two a day - one with breakfast, one with dinner, starting tonight. You can let me know if you need more. You're free to go home. I've got a few more hours here, but tonight we can go over how you should take care of the shoulder."

Surprised by how professional and knowledgable he seems, I thank Johnny, and he walks me to the door of the infirmary. As I'm thanking him again, I think of Spinner and Naiya. They probably haven't heard anything since I got whisked away to the infirmary.

"Hey, Johnny? Do you think you can get a message to Spinner, that I'm okay?"

Johnny agrees, "No problem."

* * *

Bear is surprised to see me back at the apartment early, and even more surprised by the sling. His forehead wrinkles with concern until I can assure him I'm fine. I try to explain what happened, but realize there are a few missing pieces to my story. Once I've convinced him I will live, he jokes that I must have gotten myself injured on purpose because I've been so obviously jealous of his amazing life as an invalid. Great, now he's turning my own joke against me. I can't win.

Eventually I realize he was working before I turned up, so I change the topic by getting him to explain what he's doing for the intel operation. He's got one of the electronic tablets he works from, and he explains how it lets him access some of the digital records from the Capitol files. He reads through everything and takes notes on anything that might be useful for his reports to command. He's showing me some of the electronic files when Johnny gets home from the infirmary with Spinner in tow. They're carrying several bags of provisions for us, which I'd totally forgotten about since my injury. And of course Johnny won't let me help put them away, saying I need to rest and get used to not using my arm.

Bear immediately wants to know what happened at the distribution site and Johnny's anxious to hear too. Soon Spinner is explaining what happened from his perspective - he didn't see who pulled me out of the truck, but the gunfire had been his, firing into the air to get everyone's attention and get them away from me and the truck. I am unbelievably grateful to him, for how quickly he reacted to make sure I was okay. After that they shut down distribution from the truck until they'd gone through everything designated for distribution from inventory, then the entire group worked to keep things in order around the truck for the rest of the distribution. I'm glad it worked out okay. If the hurricane does come, people will need these supplies, and I'm glad the entire neighborhood wasn't punished because of one person's actions. He also brings a braided cord, a bracelet that Rose and Naiya sent for luck, joking that after today, they both thought I needed some luck. Spinner says they both felt bad about what happened - which is ridiculous of course, it wasn't their fault. Still, It's a sweet gesture.

The district has set up communications so they can broadcast over the televisions within the district to deal with the storm, and the rest of the evening is interrupted with their repeated announcements and warnings.

The next few days are pretty quiet for us. The rain starts the next morning, and continues to deluge the district for two days. But apparently we avoided the worst of the storm, which passed to the south of the district. Even so, the new district broadcasts and the communicuff alerts bring a steady stream of new concerns for the district. In the meantime, we're not supposed to leave the apartment, so we entertain ourselves with card games and stories. The apartment loses power sometime during the first night – Bear says it was around 1:00. Spinner uses his communicuff to send Rose messages, and we tease him about "keeping channels open" for emergencies. I'm sure he wishes he'd thought to stay with her through the storm. Johnny keeps an eye on my shoulder and rebukes me whenever I forget and try to use my left hand for something.

That night the rain slows and finally stops. Outside, water still flows through the street below us. The new apartment is in one of the most densely developed parts of district four, and I'm really not used to being surrounded by so much pavement. With so much rain, there's nowhere for the water to go except flowing across the pavement.


	18. Conspiracy

******A/N: Hi everyone! Thanks for reading. :) FYI I'll be offline for a couple of weeks now. I'm hoping to post one more chapter over the weekend.  
**

* * *

After the rain ends, Johnny and Spinner report to command to help with the clean-up. Johnny refuses to let me come, saying my shoulder is too fragile. Bear, as usual, sleeps most of the day, so I am essentially alone in the apartment with nothing to do. I try to avoid anything that would disturb his sleep, finding small jobs around the apartment, odds and ends to keep me busy without overexerting myself or needing my left arm. Later that day, the power in the apartment returns, and at least I can witness the district 4 alerts and updates again.

The Capitol is still broadcasting its "news" about the war but it's constantly interrupted by the district's alerts or the standard rebel propos. They had a series of them where victors and people in the rebellion talk about dead victors and even some fallen tributes. I think everyone in district four gets weepy when they play the one where Finnick talks about Mags, who mentored him in his games and sacrificed herself for the rebellion when she walked into that fog in the arena. They include clips from the games, pieces of the Quell I never saw. There's also a new propo starring Finnick and Annie Cresta. It's mostly Finnick talking, more about how the Capitol has used and abused the victors, but they show him with Annie in district 13, looking deliriously happy in each other's arms. I've heard the rumor that she was taken away by the Capitol near the end of the Quell. Was she really taken to 13, or did they rescue her?

There's also another propo with Gale, where he is in what's left of district 12, talking about the night of the bombing. He's surrounded by charred remains of the Seam, recounting the mass confusion as firebombs fell from the sky. Then he describes how they took out the fence and escaped into the woods before District 13 came and rescued them. He says, sorrowfully, how less than one in ten district citizens survived the night. By the end of the propo I know my family wasn't among those that escaped with Gale – I'm sure if they had, the Mayor would be included in this broadcast. Could they have escaped before the bombs hit? Was there another way out? My father didn't make it to district four, and he didn't make it to district 13. My mother could scarcely have made any kind of determined escape. The only hope is that they were taken to the Capitol, and given what happened to Peeta and the broadcasted executions, what's the chance that I will ever see them again? I've had a lot of time to get used to the idea. In many ways I'm still mourning them, but there's always that little voice asking me why I don't trust my father's plans. Still, I get lonely and sad thinking about them.

Over the next few days, Spinner and Johnny get back late after long days helping to clean up immediate issues from the hurricane. Johnny' splitting his time between the infirmary and the clean-up. Often they're both completely waterlogged, after helping in sector two where there is still flooding. Most of the shops in the district have been closed down because of the war, and the rebels had just started working toward getting shops to reopen before the hurricane hit. Now they're back to dealing with the immediate problems of the district.

Bear and I are stuck in the apartment. I hate feeling so useless. He at least can still do his regular work on the electronic tablet. I busy myself with making sure we have plenty of purified water on hand, cleaning up the place, and eventually boxing up stuff of Carlo's, and even some things of Marai's that she left here. She has tons of clothes, it seems, because she left boxes of them here.

It's awkward sleeping with my dislocated shoulder, and after two days of sitting around the apartment, I can't get comfortable and I'm not tired enough to find sleep. Besides, last night I kept having nightmares about my parents and people from district 12 and the Capitol. So when everyone's in bed I go out to the front room where Bear is sitting at the end of the couch, fiddling with his electronic tablet. I gripe lightly, "Don't tell me you're working." It's infuriating being the only one without a job to do.

He looks up, admitting, "No, not really. I should be though. What are you doing up?"

I give a one-shouldered shrug, something I'm practicing. "Can't sleep. Stupid arm." I walk over to the window, pushing aside the curtain to peer out into darkness.

Something else is bothering me though, looking into that void. "What happened to the ships?"

He sighs and tells me, "Anything in the marina would've been at risk. They'd have better luck away from land. Not a fun trip, but most ships can ride out a storm like this at sea. They would've sent as many as possible out onto the water before it hit." I absorb the news in silence. It doesn't seem conceivable to me, but I'm sure he's right.

"Come here," he says. I drag myself over to the couch and curl up on the empty cushions next to him.

"Mick will be okay. You said he was resourceful right? A hurricane is nothing new to him."

I want it to be true. Laying on the couch next to Bear, I feel completely safe, but so many of the people around me are still in harm's way. I wish the war was over and we could all be truly safe. I don't know how to put words to my feelings, so I just sigh, "Thanks." His attention focuses back on his tablet, and in a few minutes my eyes flicker closed, and soon I'm asleep.

On the fourth day of clean-up, Spinner and Johnny come back to the apartment with a surprise – my "brother" Mick. It turns out he was on the day-boat with the rest of his crew, out to sea during the storm and when they arrived back to the flood damage in sector two, he decided to come here. He found Spinner, who invited him to come back and stay with us. He explains he's only here for a few days, before his ship's scheduled to leave again. In the meantime he plans to help with the clean-up. That night everyone listens to his stories about fishing and how they sent many of the ships out to sea before the hurricane hit, where they rode out the storm.

The next morning, Bear is uncharacteristically still awake after Spinner, Johnny and now Mick leave for the day. He's on edge about something, and for whatever reason that puts me on edge too. I take my morning tea to the front room, where he's messing around with his electronic tablet, as usual. But I can tell something's off.

"Why'd you come back here?" he asks me sharply.

I wonder, Does he not want me here? Trying to ignore the uneasy feeling in my gut, I ask, "What do you mean?"

"You found your brother. Why wouldn't you stay with him?" He asks insistently.

It seems like a ridiculous question, though. He knows I'd just met Mick. Does he think I don't care about them? "He's not really my brother, remember?"

"Yeah but … if you're Maddie Amelin, and you found your brother, why wouldn't you stay? It's suspicious."

I guess I hadn't thought about it that way. It just made more sense to come back here. I didn't know anyone in sector two. "I don't know. Because he's out on the ship all the time? I didn't want to be alone?"

Bear isn't satisfied. "What does he know? Have you explained any of this to him?"

"He doesn't know anything." I assure him, "Just that Spinner thinks we're siblings. And now, the rest of you."

If anything, Bear looks more frustrated. "But, you can't do that. He has to know. What if someone started asking questions? He probably doesn't know a thing about you. Your whole story unravels. Who knows what could happen…"

"I don't want to suck him into this too," I argue.

Bear objects, "But you already did. Just by making him your brother, he's in it. The district's already started re-registering everyone. He's registered. You're registered, it's how you qualify for food provisions and a job. You have to explain it to him."

I resist it. Bear's still the only one here who knows definitively who I am, and I didn't choose to bring him in on the secret, not really. He'd already figured it out. What if it puts Mick in danger? But what if Bear is right, and I've already put him in danger?

"Just think about it," he sighs, and disappears to bed. And I do. I can't help think about it, all day. Bear's right, I need to explain things to Mick. He could get us both in trouble without even meaning to, and it's my fault.

* * *

That night I ask Mick to stay up with me for a bit, for some "family time." We invade the front room, Bear's nighttime office, and I tell him who I am, explaining my father's plan for me to come stay with my aunt and why I've claimed him as a brother.

"So we really are family, in a way," he realizes. I think he's a bit star-struck by my friendship with Katniss and Peeta – which I had planned to leave out but somehow it got included anyway.

"Bear's the only other one who knows," I remind him when we're both ready to call it a night. "So we can't say anything in front of the others. Are you sure you're okay with this?"

I have no idea what to do if he says no, but he nods resolutely, saying "us Amelins gotta stick together." Then he winks at me.

Before I go to bed, I say to Bear, "Thanks. You were right." It seems like I'm always thanking him for something and it never feels like enough. I want to hug him or something, but I feel shy and hold back. He probably thinks I'm a selfish idiot, putting Mick in danger like that.

But Bear's not judging me. He smiles at me from the couch. "It's good, him knowing. You shouldn't have to be alone."

I look at Bear and think how lucky I am to be here. "I'm not," I say, before turning down the hall. I realize I still expect everyone to judge me without knowing me. All of district 12 had opinions about their Mayor and his family. They acted like they knew me when they didn't. When I'm all curled up waiting to fall asleep, my last exchange with Bear repeats over and over in my mind. I couldn't find the words to say that I feel accepted here, maybe more than I ever did in district 12. It's as if all my life I was playing the part of Mayor's daughter, and now I'm just figuring out who I really am.

The next afternoon, Bear's only just woken up when Naiya stops by the apartment on her way home from work. I've barely let her in the door and already can't get a word in edgewise. She says, "Oh honey, I just wanted to stop by and see how you were doing. I brought you some of my homemade fish stew. I'm sure you're just sick of fish day in and day out, aren't we all. I mean I love fish as much as the next person, but won't it be so nice when we're able to exchange good with other districts. I do hope the rebels are able to do that, I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Don't worry hon, we're making do at the distribution site for now, but we miss you and can't wait 'til you're feeling better. Anyway this stew, it's a little different flavor than what you're probably used to, I used some different spices and the like, it's an old family recipe. I hope you like it. I just feel terrible about what happened. But isn't it a miracle how we all got through that storm. I was worried to death about what might happen. We did have some damage at the distribution site, but we've got most of it cleaned up now. Lost some provisions but like I always say, it could have been worse so I am just thankful for what we've got."

The look on Bear's face is priceless. I guess he's never met Rose's mother before. She's paused for a moment, so I say brightly, "Thanks for the stew! You didn't have to do that." Though honestly she's right - I'm not thrilled for another meal of fish. I add, "We were worried about the storm, too. It sounds like it's created a lot of work for everyone."

"Oh it's nothing, honey. I just wanted to make sure you were okay after that frightful fall. I just can't believe someone would do that. Well, I really should go, I don't mean to take up your whole day. If you see Rose, do remind her she still has a family that would love to see her sometime. She and that friend of yours have been practically inseparable since the storm ended. Now don't get me wrong, I'm glad they can find some happiness despite everything that's been happening. Besides, I can tell he's a good boy, I mean just look how he came to your rescue the other day. Still, I do wish she would spend a little more time at home. But, I guess that's just how it is. Well, that's nothing for you to worry about. You take care, honey, and take your time. I don't want you getting hurt any worse. Don't worry about us, we'll muddle through, we always do. I'll see you down at the site when you're feeling better. Okay, hon. Bye now."

And with that, she's out the door and on her way.

"Wow." Bear says.

"What?" I protest. "She's sweet. Besides, she brought stew. If you're nice I might even share."

There's actually plenty of stew, so we save it until dinner when Johnny and Mick are back. We haven't seen Spinner and Rose - I'll have to pass along Naiya's message another time. I thought I'd had enough of fish stew, but Naiya's is surprisingly delicious. I'll have to ask her how she makes it; it's so different from what we've been having, it makes for a nice change of pace.

That night Mick & I stay up again. He'll be leaving in the morning, so we take this chance to swap stories and learn more about each other. I learn that he plays the fiddle and likes fishing from a canoe much more fun than working on the fishing boats. I'd sort of thought fishing was fishing, but Mick explains how they use nets on the big fishing boats, completely different than using a rod and reel. The rod and reel involves hooking a fish in the mouth though. The net sounds less painful for the fish, to me. It's sad to think that in the morning, he'll be leaving, but he promises me he'll visit again.

After a few more uneventful days in the apartment, Johnny finally gives the OK for me to help out a couple hours a day at the store, as long as I'm careful with my arm and don't do anything strenuous. I fall into a new routine of spending a few hours in the morning or early afternoon at the store, usually when Bear is asleep and the apartment feels most empty.


	19. The Nut Cracks

**A/N: OK This is the last chapter until ~ Feb 7. Thanks for reading, and have a great couple of weeks!  
**

* * *

The district communications group is broadcasting news almost every night. Sometimes it's about the clean-up or rebuilding efforts. They're also providing information about a new electronic credit system they are trying to set up. Registered citizens will be given credit which they can use to get provisions at the distribution sites. Anyone working to help the rebuilding efforts gets additional credits, which can be used to buy extra food, clothes, or non-essentials. There aren't many places right now to buy things anyway, since only a few shops have been able to stay open through the fighting. Apparently the rebels want to provide incentives for shops to reopen, and creating the credit system is part of that. The same system will be used to allow people to register problems with infrastructure or storm damage that needs to be addressed, and the rebels will track what needs to be done and prioritize people to work on them. They're really working hard to get some semblance of normalcy in the district.

At the store, Naiya tasks me with updating the electronic tablet with inventory that survived the storm – the store is fine but a window in the store room was broken, soaking some of the inventory. They've already cleared everything out and are already receiving new provisions, but until the electronic system is updated, everything's a bit of a mess because nobody knows what provisions are where. Obviously Rose is working with all the local distribution sites to get a better picture of the situation. At least I feel useful again. It's a little awkward with my arm in the sling, but as long as I have a table I can set the tablet on, I can use it one-handed. It´s taken the better part of a week to get everything up to date, though.

Tonight Johnny fried some fish for dinner, I think because Rose is visiting. Naiya said she could stay at our place tonight - as long as there was no "hanky panky" I think is how she phrased it. Spinner reluctantly agreed that Rose and I would share the bed and he would sleep on the floor tonight. While we're eating, we watch the television for the latest district news when the screen changes to a familiar-looking rebel reporter. She explains that the rebels have launched a fresh assault on the mountain fortress of district two, and then they cut to footage of the attack. They show hoverplanes bombing the upper reaches of the mountainside. It starts slowly, with a small avalanche on the southern slopes, gradually broadening, gaining energy as it races down the hillside. Then another avalanche starts, and another. Soon, the mountain seems overrun by the massive avalanches, collapsing the slopes of the impenetrable fortress. Thick clouds of dust and debris billow up from the avalanches and encase the mountain. Throughout the broadcast, there's no sign of life from the mountain. The broadcast ends unsatisfactorily, promising live updates through the night. We head to bed, since Bear promises to wake us if anything happens. I haven't shared a bed since I used to climb in my parents' bed when I was very small, so I'm not used to it and I perch carefully on my side and hope I don't kick Rose in my sleep.

Sometime in the middle of the night Bear comes for us. He wakes me first, whispering about Katniss, then wakes Rose, Spinner, and Johnny, who's in my usual spot. He tells them they've announced a live broadcast of the Mockingjay in district two, as we all hurry out to the front room to see what's going on. Johnny sits anxiously on the edge of the couch. He looks ready to explode so I sit next to him and take his hand to reassure him. Bear joins us and instinctively I reach for his hand as well.

It must be a live feed of the district square, which is now lit brightly by spotlights cutting through the dark night. And in the center, there's Katniss on the steps of the justice building. Katniss - it's been weeks since we've seen any new footage of Katniss, so it's a bit of a surprise. She's in that amazing Mockingjay outfit again. Bear squeezes my hand.

Katniss launches into her speech, "People of district two, this is Katniss Everdeen speaking to you from the steps of your Justice Building. …"

But then there's some confusion, loud noises and smoke in the background. Katniss pauses mid-speech. Then we hear the sound of gunfire, and the lights go out in the train station. A second later, the lights are out on the steps as well and only the empty square is lit. People are staggering from the train station into the light carrying weapons. There's a flickering of flames lighting the silhouette of a train in the station.

My hand tightens on Bear's as Katniss rushes into the square, toward the staggering crowd. She yells shrilly, "Stop! Hold your fire! Stop!" She's almost reached a bloodied, staggering figure when suddenly his gun is trained on her and she retreats a step, raising her bow above her head. He's injured, bloody, desperate. His lips move, but we can't hear him.

She answers him, but her words make no sense at first. Then she says, "We blew up your mine. You burned my district to the ground. We've got every reason to kill each other. So do it. Make the Capitol happy. I'm done killing their slaves for them." She drops her bow to the ground and kicks it to him. My jaw drops open in shock.

Again, the man's lips move, as he stares up at her looking disgusted. Rose, frustrated, asks no one in particular, "What's he saying?" I glance her way with a shrug. Nobody says anything.

"I am." Katniss tells the man.

She describes watching the mountain fall, her angst over killing people in the districts. She's on her knees, pleading with him. She looks up toward the camera, calling out, "And you up there. I come from a mining town. Since when do miners condemn other miners to that kind of death, and then stand by to kill whoever manages to crawl from the rubble? These people are not your enemy. The rebels are not your enemy. We all have one enemy and it's the Capitol. This is our chance to put an end to their power, but we need every district person to do it."  
Katniss reaches out her hand to the man in front of her.

I glance over again and see Spinner and Rose, their eyes locked on the screen, hands tightly clasped. Then I too am focused back on the screen. "Please join us" Katniss implores. Her head tilts up and away from the man, as if trying to address all of us, all of Panem.

There's a gunshot. Her body jerks backward and collapses to the pavement.

"No!" I cry.

My friend has been shot on live television. This can't be happening. There's no time to even process it because the scene is still unfolding before us. Bear eases his hand from mine, forcing me to relax my death grip on his fingers. I hadn't even realized how tightly I was holding on to him. "Sorry," I mumble, flexing my own stiff fingers. Then his arm wraps around my shoulder and pulls me ever so slightly toward him, nestling me against him. When I glance back at him, he's looking at the screen.

As rebel medics rush to her aid, there's a skirmish at the edge of the square. The shot didn't come from the man Katniss was near, but from somewhere else further back. More gunfire, and we watch anxiously, trying to figure out what's happening. The injured workers of the fortress are turning on one another. They all look alike, smudged by smoke, bloodied from injuries, so it takes a little while to figure out that most of what's happening is actually district two workers turning on the Capitol troops, joining the rebel cause.

Johnny, still transfixed by the screen, is telling us that there's no blood where Katniss was laying, so she might have had some protective armor or something. Mainly he thinks that if she were in serious trouble, we'd have been able to see blood pooling by where she laid, and he's sure there wasn't any.

After awhile, the screen switches back to a reporter at a desk, who informs us that district 2 has been won, what few Capitol troops remain are in various stages of surrender. The districts are united with the rebel cause. Nothing is said about Katniss.

There´s nothing to do but sleep, but I can´t sleep. Back in the bed, I lay perfectly still while Spinner snores on the floor and Rose twists into the sheets next to me. I stare into the darkness, wondering what´s become of Katniss, of my parents, of the world I once lived in, crying silent tears.

In the morning, we're all still bleary-eyed from lack of sleep. There are new propos airing already, showing footage from the districts in their battles against the Capitol. There's even some footage of the Marina attack in district four. Reporters announce that the districts are united in freedom, and now the combat forces will turn their attention to the Capitol. Rebel squads are being reorganized for the assault to come. In each district, there will be stations set up to recruit soldiers to go to the Capitol. The Mockingjay, they say, is alive, and recovering in an unspecified medical facility. I hope it's true. If Johnny says she's okay, I trust him. I have to trust him, I can´t lose someone else.

Rose wants to come with me to the store, but needs to swing by the command center first, so after breakfast the two of us head out for the command center together.


	20. Marai

A/N: And ... we're back! Thank to everyone for reading and being patient while I was away! =)

* * *

As Rose and I walk to the rebel command center, my mind drifts. I'm not really with it. I'm still thinking about Katniss and district 12, it's true. Nobody I've been close to has been safe since before the rebellion, it seems. Katniss and Gale are fighting on the front lines, both injured during the war – I can only trust they're still alive. Peeta … I don't want to even think about what could be happening to him. My district was destroyed. My family is probably dead while I'm alive, here in four, somehow.

But I also keep thinking of how Bear pulled me to him when Katniss was shot … which is silly of me. He's a good friend – my best friend here, really – and he knew how worried I would be for her. He's just being there for me, like any friend. Even so. He's sweet and thoughtful and his brown eyes have these little flecks of gold in them … he's been a confidant to me and can always make me laugh. I can't risk losing Bear's friendship …

Last night when the broadcast ended, I wanted to stay, to nestle into his arms and forget about Katniss and district 2 and the war. That's when I really grasped … that it was too late to not fall for him. I guess it's been coming for a long time – I haven't thought about my old crush on Gale in ages. Even when he shows up in the broadcasts, of course I'm worried for him, but it's different now. He's not the boy with the strawberries anymore, and I'm not the mayor's daughter. So last night when Bear nudged me up after the broadcast to follow Rose, it felt like a rebuke, reminded me of the war and everything I can't hide from. Laying in bed after that, I couldn't think about my confused feelings, so I thought about those things that seem gone from my life - about Katniss, about my family and district 12. I thought about everything I've lost and everything I have, and how I have to do everything I can to protect it.

Everyone on the streets seems upbeat and smiling today, excited to be one step closer to winning the war, though most also look exhausted from an all-night vigil or maybe celebrating. I just need to channel all these emotions into something useful, so I tell myself to forget it as Rose & I walk to command. I watch the pavement moving past beneath my feet, lost in thought.

Rose brings me back to the moment, saying "Hey look, a shrine- I bet it's for Katniss." I look up to see a battered piece of plywood painted with a black and white bird, leaning on a wall outside command. Little candles and tokens, mostly things folded out of paper, are strewn all around it. I've never seen anything like it, and angle my way toward it. I stand trying to make sense of it, a few feet away, with my arms crossed. I don't understand what it means, though, I've never seen anything like it, and yet it makes me worry for her. I have to remind myself that Johnny said she was okay. I'm about to ask Rose about the shrine when I realize it might be something really common here in district four, so I don't say anything more. I feel guilty pretending with Rose, but that's just how it is. And anyway, I don't want to look like a complete idiot. Instead, I step back and when she asks if I'm ready, nod in agreement. I follow her into command. I sit in on her meeting and learn that essentially, the rebel leaders want to throw a celebration for the districts coming together, and will need provisions arranged. Rose will need to coordinate with the other sectors to see what there is to spare. On our way out, we run into Marai. I've been meaning to stop by to see her, but haven't gotten around to it. She can't talk now because she's late for a communications meeting, so I suggest I bring her things from the apartment over to her sometime. But she waves me off saying, "No, keep it. I bet the clothes will fit you," and heads off to her communications meeting.

"Clothes?" Rose asks. I explain, "She's got a whole box of clothes and shoes and stuff at the apartment."

Rose nods as we walk, "Oh right, well her family runs a clothing shop. Or they did, before the rebellion started. But she probably has plenty of stuff, whatever her family couldn't sell that fits, you know? Besides, she probably knows you could use it. You lost everything when your house was bombed right? And it's already cooling off, so summer clothes aren't gonna cut it that much longer. I think that's why the rebels want to get the shops open again. People have lost so much. There's a lot that they'll need."

It does explain how Marai can afford to get rid of so much – even my family in 12 couldn't have afforded it, but I know from the townspeople with shops about problems with unused inventory. And I don't have very much with me in four, so if she really can spare it, I should appreciate her kindness. I'll have to find some way to thank her, though.

After a long day tracking inventory and helping identify excess provisions for a celebration, it seems to me that Marai must feel very alone, and I resolve to visit her anyway. When I bring it up with Johnny, he says he was planning on visiting her, and I should come with him. So the next day after work, we meet up and stop by Marai's new place to say hi. I think I annoy her a little, triple-checking about the things she's left behind at our place, but she's insistent, so eventually I let it go. I tell her a little about working at the provisions center, but there's not been much excitement. Johnny catches her up on his work in the clinic. He surprises me when he says he wants to join the assault on the Capitol as a medic; I had no idea he was even thinking about it. Maybe I've been neglecting him lately, too. What's wrong with me?

Marai describes working in the comm center, how they coordinate the district broadcasts with the rebels, and how the rebels have finally gained control of the general broadcast, though apparently the Capitol still has a way to break in. Still, there's been less and less resistance from the Capitol to rebel broadcasts, at least here in district four. Marai takes it as a sign that they've truly surrendered the district, which is great news. She doesn't know anything more about Katniss than we've heard on the broadcasts, though. She's doing alright, it seems, but she's not got the same spark I remember from before. She and Carlo had been each other's first serious relationship, so I can't even imagine how hard his death is on her. The longer we're there, the more I feel like I'm intruding on her and Johnny's time together – their common bond of Carlo's death hangs unspoken over us. Eventually, Johnny and I head out, and Johnny promises to visit again soon. I don't join in, not because I don't want to see her, but I think they'd be better off on their own next time. I hope they can support each other when the rest of us fail.

On the way home, I remember Johnny's comment about the Capitol.

"Were you serious, about going to the front lines when the rebels attack the Capitol?" I ask him.

He answers defiantly, "Yeah, so? They're gonna need medics, and I've been training awhile now. I hope I pass the clearance. It's what Carlo was fighting for, you know? I can't abandon it."

"I just didn't know. If that's what you want, I get it" I tell him.

I don't know what else to say, so I squeeze his shoulders in a half-hug. We walk in silence a few minutes, before he changes topics and asks how my arm's been doing. It's been pretty good, and I tell him so, but he asks several specific questions about my range of motion and other bits as we continue home.


	21. A night off

A/N: Whoo! Second chapter posted today - to make up for the long absence.** (Updated)**

* * *

A few days after the attack on district two's mountain fortress, the rebels shows footage of Katniss in the hospital. She really is alive, and recovering pretty well it seems. Apparently Johnny was right, and some kind of armor in her costume stopped the bullet. She seems almost back to the Mockingjay from earlier rebel broadcasts, in the clips they show, though it's hard to read her in the broadcasts. She congratulates the districts on their wins, and being united against the Capitol. She warns the Capitol that the rebels will be coming soon. It's all very dramatic. I can't put my finger on what's different about her, and chalk it up to the injury from district two.

Rose has been dying to go out celebrating the recent rebel victories, and she's convinced me to come along tonight. After work she comes over and drags out the box of Marai's clothes, insisting I find something 'fun' to wear since Marai said I should help myself to the clothes anyway. Eventually Rose helps me find a wrap skirt that doesn't quite reach the knee and a scoop-necked green blouse she thinks matches my eyes - of course, she's only seen me with the colored lenses I've been wearing since I arrived in district four. We complete the outfit with cute sandals that will do nothing to keep my feet warm if it gets cold tonight. Spinner is coming, of course, and Rose convinced Johnny to join us too. We're headed out to a nearby city square where some locals have been gathering at night to play music in the street. I ask Bear if he's coming, even though Spinner's already said he won't, but Bear demurs and we go without him.

As we walk, Rose falls into step beside me while Spinner & Johnny walk ahead of us. "This was a great idea," I tell her. "It'll be nice to get out of the apartment for a night."

"I don't know how you stand being cooped up there all the time." She glances sideways at me.

"I don't mind," I say. "It's nice to have friends around. I just wish my arm was better."

"Yeah … so you're okay? I mean, if you need anything … to talk ... I'm here, right?"

"Uh, sure. I'm fine though, really," I assure her.

"Okay, well, have fun tonight. Maybe you can meet some people," she comments, before yelling at Spinner not to forget us.

When we reach the square, there's a small crowd of people dancing in the street and in the grass of the square. It reminds me of the Harvest Festival back home, which always included music and dancing. The dancing styles are different here, but everyone looks to be having a great time. Johnny keeps reminding me that I shouldn't use my bad arm because it might get reinjured, but he and Spinner both take a turn dancing with me, taking care with my arm as they each lead me around the square. Spinner makes me laugh, trying to make me dizzy from turn after turn using my good arm. I love listening to the music. It reminds me of the music I grew up with, the piano I used to play, and the fiddlers in district 12 who would play at the Festival when everyone would dance.

Spinner and Rose hit the dance floor together, and Johnny wanders off to look for some friends. A few people ask me to dance. One of them, whose name I forget immediately after he tells it to me, strikes up a conversation. He asks me what happened to my arm and I tell him, then nod politely as he tells a long story about the train station battle and his friend who is injured and couldn't come tonight, but I'm not really listening. Still, he keeps me company on the sidelines for a while, until Johnny turns up, excitedly telling me about some of the musicians he's met. Next time, he says he'll bring his harmonica and see if he can play with them.

We stay at the impromptu party pretty late, with its music and dancing. Spinner is actually a pretty good dancer, and he and Rose hardly take a break from dancing all night long. Rose & Spinner know a lot of people there, and as the night wears on, they bring by several friends of theirs to meet me. I'm not feeling like much of a conversationalist though, so I'm happy to listen in on the others' conversations, or just watch the dancing. On our way home, Spinner recounts moments from the party for us, like how he almost crashed into one of the musicians during one dance, until Rose barely pulled him off course in time.

We return to the apartment equal parts exhausted and exhilarated, laughing from Spinner's lively imitation of some strange dance move. In stark contrast to our exuberance, we find Bear quietly working on the tablet as usual.

"You should've come!" I tell him. "We had so much fun."

He barely glances up from the tablet. "Nah, I don't dance," he says, brushing off the idea.

"So? I hardly danced – just with Johnny and Spinner. I just sat and watched most of the time."

Rose protests, "You make it sound like we abandoned you! Besides, every time I looked you had company."

"Oh I didn't mean it that way. I had fun watching - and you guys were having so much fun. We'll just have to go again when I'm allowed to dance," I say, looking pointedly at Johnny, who just smirks and shrugs back at me.

"So who was that guy you were talking with for so long? Looked like you have an admirer," Rose asks with a wink.

My face heats up, embarrassed. "It wasn't like that. He was just being friendly. I don't even remember his name."

Spinner & Rose exchange a glance, which I don't miss, but also can't decipher.

"If you say so," says Spinner. "Anyway, I gotta get Rose home before her mom kills me. See you later."

As they leave, I collapse onto the couch.

I ask Bear, "Why didn't you come? It would've been fun."

"Too many people. Besides I had work to do." He gestures to the tablet. Is it just me or does he seem annoyed?

I'm still full of energy and I can't help trying to pull him out of his serious mood. "Can I see it?"

"It's boring, you don't want to …" he starts, but I have no patience with his work-like attitude right now.

"C'mon, please?"

I grab the tablet from his hand before he can stop me.

"Why can't I see it? Is it top-secret?"

"I didn't say that. It's just, not that interesting," he says lightly. He reaches for the tablet, but I hold it behind my back.

He could easily get the tablet back from me, his reach is way longer that mine. He reaches around me, his face inches from mine, and for a moment I stare him down in our tussle over his tablet. In that instant the thought of the other night floods my thoughts and I wonder what would happen if … instead I chicken out and twist away on the couch, my hair smacking him in the face as I fold myself over the tablet. Still, I'm satisfied thinking I have finally gotten his focus away from his work.

Instead of going after the tablet again, he stands up, grabs me by the waist and flips me onto his shoulder. I'm too stunned to even react at first.

"It's so late. You must be exhausted. You should really get to bed," he fakes seriousness.

"Spinner's not even back yet!" I argue helplessly from his shoulder.

"If you're waiting on Spinner I think you'll be up half the night. Wouldn't want that, right?" he says calmly.

"Hey!" I shriek, struggling to get down as he heads down the hall.

"Hmm, you aren't ticklish, are you?" he asks, pouncing on my vulnerability. Somehow he finds exactly the right spot in my side to send me squirming.

"That is not fair," I argue, as I try to keep from laughing. When we reach the door of the back bedroom, he swings me off his shoulder and lightly back on my feet. I reflexively lift the tablet up to keep it protected, and before I'm even settled on my feet he pulls it from my hand and turns back down the hall.

"You know what they say, all's fair in love and war," he says glibly over his shoulder as he heads back to the front room. I'm left at the bedroom door, wondering, which does he think this is?


	22. Something Blue

**A/N: Thanks for reading! A long chapter but hopefully worthwhile.  
**

* * *

In the morning, Spinner and Bear are talking quietly when I come out to the front room. I never heard Spinner come home last night. I wonder how late he was out. Even though I pretty much went to bed after Bear left me at the bedroom door, it took me a long time to fall asleep. And after last night, I'd give anything to know what is going on in Bear's head.

"Morning," Bear says with a smile. Almost at the same time, Spinner looks up too and says, "Hi Maddie."

"Morning," I say to them. Still grumpy about last night, I ask Bear sullenly, "Get your work done?"

"Yeah, actually, I did," he answers, completely unfazed. How can he seem so normal, I wonder. Maybe this is all in my head.

To Spinner I add irritably, "Don't you ever sleep?"

Spinner laughs, "You're in fine form this morning. And no, I've given up on sleep. Why waste the time?"

I try to glare at him, but it's not very effective because he's made me smile. Spinner always knows how to lighten the mood. He adds, "There's hot water on," nodding toward the kitchen. "Thanks," I say.

I can't decide whether to drink my tea in the kitchen or with the guys. I settle on the corner of our little kitchen table where I can see them in the other room, but then I just feel like I'm spying on them. I find some paper to scribble on, so at least I'll look occupied.

I gulp my tea quickly, feeling awkward, and burn my tongue in the process. I try to go about my usual morning routine, and as quickly as I can I head out the door to get down to the store, to get some space so maybe I'll be able to think clearly. Before I leave, Spinner tells me Rose said she'd see me at the store for lunch today.

At the store, Naiya puts me to work as usual, today prepping provisions for pick-up by the local residents. I'm allowed to use my arm now, as long as I don't strain it. It gives me something to do with myself but my mind wanders and replays last night over and over, trying to understand what happened. The morning passes slowly, almost agonizingly, until we break for lunch. The word is that there's another big broadcast tonight, but we don't know what it is.

When Rose comes, I ask her if there's more planning to do for the district celebration. The district still hasn't thrown their big celebration, though I thought it was going to happen days ago.

"No, but you can help me tomorrow. It sounds like they want to have the celebration this weekend." Rose says casually. "You hear about the broadcast tonight?"

"Just that there is one. Everyone's saying it's supposed to be something big, but nobody knows what. Like usual." I answer.

"Yeah, I hope it's more good news. Maybe the Capitol is going to surrender?" she suggests.

We both laugh at that, knowing it'll never be that easy.

She continues, "Anyway, Spinner's gonna come to my place to watch. Spend some time with my mom. Maybe just stay over, if she lets him."

"Oh. Well that's good. I know she'll be glad to see you."

Somehow Naiya, Tad and Sasha have disappeared, leaving Rose & I to eat alone. It's not too unusual for us to eat in shifts, and I assume they're just busy. About halfway through our sandwiches, Rose glances at me as if she's trying to make up her mind about something. Looking away, she asks, "So you had fun last night?"

"What?" I ask, distracted.

"At the square. Dancing?"

"Oh. Yeah, it was really nice," I say.

She waits, as if expecting more from me. After a few minutes she says, "So - Are we talking about this?"

"About what?" I ask, feeling embarrassed and anxious.

"About .. you know. Whatever." she comments vaguely. Something from last night, I think. I'm still confused about her implications about the guys at the party, and feel like there's something she's trying to get out of me. I wouldn't even know where to begin. Katniss and I never talked about boys – not even with all her drama with Peeta and Gale. I know other girls talk about that kind of thing, but I don't know what to say – and I'm worried she'll just laugh at me.

"What do you mean?" I deflect, "Is something going on with you and Spinner?"

She looks at me skeptically, then sighs. "Never mind. Just thought you might want to talk."

Maybe I'm should say something. But I'm not really comfortable talking about what's going on with Bear … and besides, there's nothing going on with Bear. I'm losing it, that's all there is to it. All morning I was so acutely aware of where he was in the apartment, what he was doing, if he might be looking my direction or not. But he acted totally normal. Now Rose is questioning me. Can she tell I like him? If that's what she wants to talk about, why wouldn't she just say so? Unless ... I can only come up with one explanation - that she knows he doesn't like me and doesn't want to embarrass me. It was almost like she wanted me to meet other guys at the party. Didn't she even tell me I should meet people? Does she know Bear isn't interested in me, and that was her way of trying to help? Distract me from a lost cause? Maybe I should talk to her, but I don't know how. So yet again I keep my mouth shut.

In the afternoon, I'm helping distribute provisions, which keeps me busy. Before I know it we're closing up for the day and heading home.

* * *

Spinner is visiting Rose's family, like she told me at lunch, and Johnny wanted to go visit Marai again, so it's just me and Bear at the apartment. I should have talked to Rose. The more I think about it the more it seems she's trying to help me, and I know I should have opened up to her. Tomorrow, I promise myself, I'll tell her.

That doesn't help me now, though. At first I'm self-conscious being alone with him, feeling like an idiot. But he is still my best friend, and as we get dinner ready, we fall into our regular patterns around each other I find I don't have to remind myself to act normal. We eat on the couch, waiting anxiously to see what tonight's broadcast will be. Bear's just headed to the kitchen with our dishes when the rebels take over the broadcast. It shows a windowless room decorated with colorful autumn leaves and gourds. It reminds me that usually, it would almost be time for the Harvest Festival, back home. If there was a back home.

Most of the people on-screen are wearing monochromatic gray outfits, but a few people stand out in fancier clothes. Nobody compares to Finnick Odair though, standing near the front of the crowd in an elegant suit, looking overjoyed.

"Oh wow," Bear says, stopping mid-step on his way to the kitchen, eyes on the broadcast.

"and here I thought Finnick's charms only worked on women ..." I tease him from the couch.

He grimaces. "Not him. It's a wedding."

I turn back to the broadcast and see it myself. "Oh. Wow."

Bear disappears to the kitchen, calling over his shoulder to ask if I want a drink. "Sure," I say. In a moment he's back & hands me a mug. It's nothing exciting, just some reconstituted juice, but we can't exactly be picky under the circumstances.

The wedding broadcast is amazing. Soon Annie Cresta is standing beside Finnick, wearing a beautiful green dress, looking just as radiantly happy as Finnick. I can only imagine the effect this is having around district four, maybe even around Panem. I tuck my feet up onto the couch to keep warm, and we watch the broadcast attentively. The ceremony is similar to ones I've seen at the justice building in 12, but when it comes time for their vows to each other, the bride and groom are instead covered in a woven grass net. I turn to Bear with a questioning look and he explains, "They'll say their marriage vows to each other under the net, then each will touch the other's lips with salt water, a promise that even the longest voyages will never come between them. At least, that's the tradition."

It sounds lovely. I smile at him and nod, turning back to the screen. "In district 12, we would just have a small toasting ceremony."

"Like Peeta and Katniss had?" Bear asks. He must be thinking of the interviews from the Quell. I saw them in district twelve, the night before my father smuggled me onto the train.

I hesitate. "Like Peeta described – if it happened. I think Peeta made that up though, to gain sympathy for Katniss. She never really wanted to be married." Bear doesn't respond, just absorbs my words silently.

When the broadcast shows children singing, Bear tells me quietly, "That's the mariner's wedding song. It's always a part of the weddings in district four, but it's usually sung by the families." His face is wistful but his voice is matter-of-fact, and Finnick and Annie don't seem bothered. It makes me a little sad for them, that whatever family they have left must be here in district four. Then again, I have a new sort of family in my friends here in district four. Maybe Finnick and Annie have the same sort of thing in district 13. I still miss my parents, but I'm not alone - surely they aren't alone either. After all, district 13 is putting on this wedding, aren't they? And they've gone to the trouble to include district four traditions, which would be foreign to them.

"It's beautiful," I answer.

The ceremony ends with a kiss. I can't help thinking about Bear's lips so close and yet so unreachable, but don't allow myself to look at him.

Then the couple is cheered by the crowd. I see Katniss and Haymitch and other familiar looking faces, as fizzy drinks are poured on screen. Then a fiddler strikes up a tune from district twelve. I've heard it before, at the Harvest Festival, and know it's a popular dancing tune. Gale is one of the first people on the dance floor, along with an older woman from the seam. They are followed by loads of others. One even looks like an old classmate of mine, Delly Cartwright. Some others look vaguely familiar, too. It's my first glimpse of survivors from district 12, other than Gale and the victors. They're teaching the dance steps to others who must be from district 13. I can't help but smile. Everyone looks so happy and carefree.

I tell Bear, "It's a district 12 dance. The music is the same that's played at our Harvest Festival." It's nice to be able to talk freely about district 12, which is usually out of the question.

"Doesn't look like there's much dancing in district 13," Bear says, and I laugh. He's right - the district 13 residents aren't getting the dance steps very quickly, but they're all having fun, and that's what really matters.

"You're right ... but they're having fun anyway," I answer.

Eventually, even Katniss, one of the few in a fancy dress and looking beautiful as ever, appears on screen with her sister Prim, dancing along with the others. Katniss and Gale don't dance together, but I remember Bear's comment about the toasting. Most of Panem still thinks of Peeta and Katniss as star-crossed lovers, so she and Gale are probably not going to be broadcast in any situation that might seem romantic. I always figured they'd wind up together though. I wonder what life is like for them in district 13.

Most of the dances aren't for couples anyway, although there's a special song when just Finnick and Annie dance. It's such a beautiful moment, since they are so obviously in love and so happy together. I sigh, "They're amazing together. Do brides in district four usually wear green? That dress matches her eyes perfectly." By now we've seen pieces from district 12 and district 4 scattered through the ceremony, and I'm curious about what else might be part of their traditions.

"No, usually brides wear white," Bear says, "but maybe it'll start a new tradition. You could wear green when you get married … I mean, if you wanted … "

"Me? Why would I wear green?" I ask, nonplussed.

I turn to face him when he looks over at me confused and he answers, "Like you said about Annie, to match your eyes?"

"My eyes aren't green though." I say.

But I forgot, he doesn't know that. Bear's eyebrows arch. "I'm looking right at them. They're green."

My face heats up under his scrutiny and my mistake. I glance uncomfortably down to the couch, telling him, "My eyes aren't green. I mean, okay, they look green. And I guess they always will now. But they aren't, not really. Green eyes are common in district four, so … umm, I wear these colored lenses. My father got them in the Capitol. They were really popular, after Finnick won his games … "

Bear is looking at me intently and immediately asks, "Will you show me?"

He's so into this spy stuff. I'm surprised he never figured out my eyes weren't really green. I guess the lenses are really convincing, though. I glance back to the broadcast. More people dancing.

"Okay," I agree, indifferently, "but let me get some water." I fetch a bowl and fill it half full with water. The lenses are a bit of a pain to take out & put in – I can usually wear them all the time and only take them out once a week or so to give them a rinse. When I do take them out, however briefly, I put them into a small dish of water.

I come back to the main room to take out the lenses, setting the water down by the couch to free my hands. I don't care if Bear sees me take them out – he already knows my secrets. When I touch a finger to my eye to remove the lens, though, Bear grimaces a bit and looks away, back at the broadcast, which makes me smirk a little. I wouldn't have expected him to be squeamish about something so minor, but I guess it is unusual. Perched on the edge of the couch, I take both lenses out, dropping them into the water.

"Okay, no lenses," I say, my voice shaky for no reason. Bear looks at me. His intense gaze makes me want to look away, but I can't. My heart flutters in my chest. The little flecks of gold scattered across the brown of his eyes capture me, and I feel as if there are a million questions and answers I can't begin to understand in those eyes. I try to quell the burst of desire those eyes waken in me. When I can't take his scrutiny another second, I blink and look away - without turning my head away, I look toward the broadcast. I take a deep breath, willing my heart to slow down. _He's just curious about the lenses_, I chastise myself. I look back to meet his gaze ... and immediately think, he's not looking at the lenses.

He's looking at _me. _The idea freezes me in place, unable to move or think clearly._  
_

His eyes flicker over my face briefly before searching my eyes again. The sound of the broadcast fades into nothing as my heart pounds heavily in my chest. Then he's raising a hand to my cheek, cupping my face. I relish the feel of his hand, and press my cheek against it. As if waiting for this cue, Bear leans toward me, holding my gaze. My eyes lose focus in his and blink shut. Then his lips are pressing lightly into mine, and instinctively I respond, matching the movement of his soft mouth on mine. Bear slides his hand up my cheek, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear and pushing his hand into my hair, holding me to him. It's not my first kiss. I've kissed boys before, but right now I think none of those kisses really counted. This is different, somehow.

When he pulls away, too soon, my lips follow his for a moment before letting them slip away. When I open my eyes, he's smiling and my lips twitch into a smile of their own. My thoughts are swimming, or perhaps drowning because I can't make sense of anything, except that this is what I've been wanting so desperately.

"Like the sky," he murmurs, eyes on mine, before he lowers his lips to me again. His lips graze lightly against my mouth. As he gently nudges my lips apart, I taste salt on his lips and smile into the deepening kiss. His free hand lingers on mine before tracing along my arm, raising goosebumps in its wake, and wrapping around me. I melt into him, heedless of the continuing propo. Together we lean back into the couch as our tongues intertwine in eager exploration. I soak up the feeling of his warm lips, his teasing tongue, his tender touch for which I've been longing.

We miss the rest of the wedding broadcast, becoming wrapped up in each other instead.

* * *

**A/N: So .. What do you think? Please review & let me know. =)  
**

**************I have now edited ch 20 to include the reference to the colored contact lenses - apologies to anyone who read it before the edit & had forgotten about them (they are also mentioned in chapter 1). **Also I'm taking the liberty of assuming that the Capitol has made some advances in contact lens technology for their crazy cosmetic purposes. I'm sure that's what everyone is concerned with right now. ;-)  



	23. Something New

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**

* * *

The static at the end of the broadcast pulls me from him.

"We missed the rest of the wedding," I say ruefully.

Bear looks at me incredulously. "Are you disappointed?"

"No," I say. "Are you?"

Humor flashes in his eyes when he answers, "well it's not a wedding without cake..."

I sigh with exasperation and start to shake my head at him, until he adds, "but I guess this is just as good," and he catches me in another kiss that soon carries me away. I'm lost again in the taste of his mouth on mine and the feeling of his arms holding me.

Eventually we come up for air again.

"You should get some sleep," Bear whispers in my ear.

I sit up reluctantly. "I guess you have work to do?" I say.

"Yeah", he admits, without moving. We sit entwined another breath, another kiss, another sigh, before pulling apart. I don't want to leave. Bear must be thinking the same thing, because he suggests, "You could stay out here if you want." So I curl up on the couch next to him. After awhile, my eyes drift shut as his fingers whisper through my hair.

* * *

When I wake in the morning, dreams about Bear still float through my mind and I lounge lazily for a moment, smiling into my pillow. I'm on my makeshift bed on the couch in the back bedroom, still dressed in yesterday's clothes. Johnny is snoring from the bed.

I stumble to the bathroom to wash up, which wakes me up a little. As I dry off my face, I look up into the mirror into my own blue eyes looking back at me.

Blue, not green. Details of last night come back to me. It was real, not just a dream. I bite my lip, grinning to myself as I remember Bear's kisses, passionate yet tender. Last I remember I was curled on the couch, head resting on his thigh, his fingers absently twisting through my hair. I don't remember going to bed, and I wonder if he carried me back to the room. I hope I didn't drool on him or anything!

Well, blue eyes won't do if anyone else turns up. I definitely need to get my lenses back in, so I quietly head to the front room to find the bowl I left them in. Of course, Bear is still there and looks up when I lean my head in.

"Hey," he says softly.

"Hey," I answer.

"Sleep well?" he asks me.

"Mm-hmm," I nod, unable to suppress my smile. "Just need to get my lenses," I say.

"You mean these?" he holds up the bowl.

I walk over and reach for it, but he grins and pulls it back, away from me.

"Not so fast. I want another minute with real Madge before she goes back into hiding." It sounds strange - my real name.

I blush, but happily join him on the couch.

I lean into him and murmur teasingly, "Well now you know all my darkest secrets," before giving him a quick kiss.

"So you admit you've been lying to me all this time," he counters, wrapping an arm around my waist.

"You always seem to figure it out anyway," I say.

"Well you don't make it easy," he tells me. "Aren't eyes supposed to be the window to your soul? And now I learn you've been covering yours up?"

I groan with mild annoyance, pulling away slightly. "Are you always going to be this difficult? You think I want to hide like this?"

He looks abashed. "No, I know. Sorry, it just took me by surprise." His eyes twinkle as he says, "You think you know someone!"

He leans over and kisses my cheek, then hovers a few inches from me while he hands over the bowl.

"Thanks," I sigh, turning my head and bumping into his nose.

"Go on," he grouches. I hop up and head back to the bathroom to put them in again.

When I come back to the front room, Bear shakes his head like he still doesn't believe it.

"How do you put those things in your eyes? Don't they hurt?" he mutters.

"It's not bad. I'm used to them." I say. "Okay, I'm gonna get ready. Today I'm helping Rose prep for this district celebration."

"Have fun," he says.

I finish getting ready for the day and I'm about to rush out the door when I turn back. From across the room, Bear looks up expectantly. I'm not sure how to even ask this, but I'm about to see Rose and I don't know what is okay for me to say. "What ... do we tell them?"

"Whatever you want," he says.

I stare at him for a minute, lost. Then I nod, and head out the door.

* * *

Rose is waiting for me at the store. When she sees me walking up, she jumps to her feet. "Hey! What'd you think -"

She stops mid-sentence, eyes widening, then says, "What happened? Spill, I'm not letting you off the hook this time."

I wasn't trying to hide my happiness, but I'm still surprised it's that obvious. I bite my lip, grinning. "Well?" she asks.

"He kissed me. Bear kissed me. He likes me," I blurt out.

"That's great - of course he likes you! He'd be crazy not to. It's about time you two got together!"

"What do you mean, 'about time'?"

"Oh please. You guys are always together. Besides, if you didn't have the hots for him, there's no way you would've ignored all those guys at the square the other night." She smiles mischievously, "I was hoping to make him jealous when I mentioned them. I've been trying to get you to talk to me about it, but I couldn't force you."

"Sorry. I wanted to talk to you, I did ... I just didn't know how. Yesterday I was convinced you were going to warn me away from liking him."

"What?"

"Yeah ... seems kind of silly now."

"So what happened?"

I can't tell her everything, but that's not going to stop me from sharing now. "It was during the wedding broadcast. When Finnick and Annie were dancing. I was talking about her green dress and how it matched her eyes and .. I don't know, it just kind of happened."

"Maddie, that's so great. I'm so happy for you. Just wait 'til Spinner finds out!"

"Wait, how long have you known Bear likes me?"

Rose laughs. "I knew that from the day I met you. Remember, Bear had showed up at the command center to meet you?"

"You knew then? But you thought I liked Spinner."

"Yeah, well I didn't know you, remember? Just because he liked you didn't mean you liked him. Even once I knew you didn't like Spinner, I wasn't sure for awhile. You don't exactly wear your heart on your sleeve, you know."

"Sorry. I'll ... work on that." I laugh.

"Hey, nobody's perfect. So did you like the wedding broadcast?"

"Oh, it was great! Everyone looked so happy."

Then she asks, "Would you want to see it again?"

"Of course I would. Why? Are they going to replay it?"

She grins again. "They're making it the centerpiece of our district celebration. They'll replay it tomorrow."

"Oh, that'll be terrific! So the celebration is tomorrow? How's the planning going?"

"Well we've got a lot to do! I hope you got some sleep last night?" she teases.

I roll my eyes at her and we get to work. We spend the day finishing up the last minute provisions for the celebrations. There are party sites around the sector and we drive around to make sure each has everything it needs to make a good party. There's even white liquor for each site - not as good as wine would be, but at least it can be combined with juice to provide for a toast. When I ask Rose where it came from, she shakes her head. "You'll have to ask Spinner. But good luck - he wouldn't tell me anything, just asked how much we'd need, and the next day there it was."

There are small cakes too, decorated with simple blue frosting flowers. "It's not a wedding without cake," I mumble, remembering Bear's comment from last night. Rose's eyes brighten. She exclaims, "Wasn't their wedding cake amazing? I've never seen one so intricate."

My cheeks heat up and I admit, "I guess we missed that part. I'll have to keep my eye out for it tomorrow."

* * *

Rose and I head back to the apartment together after a long day. We're both tired but we've done everything we can to get the party sites ready for tomorrow. When we get back, I light up, seeing Bear, and start to head his way. I'm just processing that he's huddled with Johnny, arm around Johnny's shoulders. Bear looks up and smiles faintly, but shakes his head a bit, and I can tell he doesn't want me rushing over. I'm sure I give him a quizzical look, because he nods his head toward Johnny. I get the message loud and clear that something's up with Johnny, and touch Rose's arm to slow her down too. Bear nods toward the kitchen - where we can hear Spinner getting dinner together - and Rose heads that way. Quietly I make my way to the other side of Johnny & sit next to him.

Once I'm there, I can get a better look at Johnny, who's got his head in his hands, looking down at the floor. I immediately worry about what's wrong. I didn't see him awake this morning - he was still asleep when I left. He must've gotten back either really late last night or very early this morning. He'd gone to Marai's ... of course. He and Marai watched the wedding broadcast together. They're almost family, and Marai was practically engaged to Carlo before he died, and it's been ... what? A month? Hardly more than a month since Carlo was killed. The wedding broadcast was bound to remind them both of Carlo. I sigh sadly. I may not know exactly what happened today, but I understand at least the essence of what's going on. Carlo was his closest family - his big brother, even a father figure to him - he's not just going to mourn for a week or two and be fine. I'm amazed he's been able to get through as well as he has. I realize he's probably been throwing himself into the work and training as a medic as a distraction. I guess that's the thing about the war - there's always a new crisis, and only recently have things been calming down. Seeing the propo, with everyone so happy ... it was probably heartbreaking for them in a way. By now my arm is on Johnny's shoulder, trying to comfort him. I murmur to him that it's okay, to be sad.

"I'm okay," Johnny mumbles, and I pull him into a hug. We sit there for awhile, not saying much. Eventually Spinner & Rose signal that dinner is ready and bring food out to where we're sitting. At first Johnny insists he's not hungry but we make him eat anyway. Gradually Spinner and Rose start talking about their days and the plans for the celebration tomorrow, at least for the moment, Johnny seems to be more cheerful.

Eventually Rose slips in, "And Maddie had some good news this morning, too."

"Did something happen?" Johnny asks me.

"Umm..." I hesitate, glancing up for help from Bear.

Rose jumps in again, "Well I think she got a date to the district celebration tomorrow."

Johnny looks at me, smiling. "That's great! Is it that guy from the dance?"

I try not to laugh, but don't succeed, having caught Bear's expression before looking back to Johnny.

"Nope," I tell Johnny. "Not him. I think you know him though. It's the guy sitting next to you."

Johnny looks confused, and turns his head toward Bear, saying, "but ... wait, Bear? You two are ..?" He looks back and forth between us.

Bear chuckles as we both nod. I can't suppress a smile. I glance over to Spinner, who looks completely unsurprised and pleased as punch. He catches my eye and winks. I wonder if Rose had already told him or if, like her, he was just waiting for it to happen. Johnny throws his arms around first me, then Bear.

When we get a minute apart from the group, I say to Bear, "I'm sorry. I don't even know if you want to go to the celebration tomorrow." I know he's not usually keen on big parties, and don't want him to think he has to come because of me.

"For our first date? Wouldn't miss it," he tells me.


	24. Celebration

**A/N: Thanks for reading - and Thanks especially to the guest reviewers since I don't get to thank you personally!  
**

* * *

The morning of the district celebration, Mick shows up at the apartment. Apparently Spinner knew he was coming, but with everything going on, forgot to let me know. It's so great to see Mick, who looks tired but is excited to see us all and can't wait for the party. He had just come back into port the day of the wedding broadcast, but when he heard about the district celebrations, he decided to come for a visit. We spend the rest of the morning making him tell us about his adventures out at sea, while Bear catches a nap after a late night. Spinner talks a lot with Mick about the boat and their operations - I think he wishes he were on a boat sometimes too. While Spinner wants to hear about the fishing, I'm fascinated by his stories of other animals - strange birds that fly out over the water in the middle of nowhere, huge turtles that live in the sea, and mostly dolphins that he says come and play around the ship. I've seen pictures of dolphins and heard that they are sometimes seen in the waters near district four, but I've never heard about an animal seeking out humans to play. It sounds like a different world out there on the water.

In the early afternoon, everyone gets ready for the party. I'm wearing the same outfit I wore when we went dancing, along with a jacket in case I get cold. When it's time to go and everyone is ready to leave, Bear wraps his hand around my wrist and tells them, "We'll see you at the party." Rose gives me a knowing look as she pulls Spinner out the door after Mick and Johnny. As they leave, I turn back to him, bringing my hands up to rest on his broad chest. "What's this about?" I ask with a smile.

He shrugs. "It's our first date. We're not spending the whole time with our friends."

"I guess I'm okay with that," I say, as he drops his mouth to mine for a kiss.

We don't spend too long at the apartment, just long enough for a few kisses and catching up a little on what we didn't hear about each others' days yesterday.

* * *

I take Bear's hand as we walk toward the local celebration site, which is at an old school building nearby. Looking up at him as we walk, I say, "You know, yesterday you said you wanted time with the real Madge."

"Yeah?"

"It's weird. It's just, I'm more myself here than I was at home, no matter what color my eyes are." I don't want him to think I'm hiding myself from our friends, or from him.

Also, in the last few days I've guiltily realized how little I really know about his life before I showed up and how much I've been focused on myself. I've never really asked him about his past before, and I figure a first date is a good time to start, "Anyway, what about real Bear?"

"_Real_ Bear? Okay, what do you want to know?"

There's so much, I'm not sure where to begin. I answer, "I don't know. How'd you wind up here? What about the gang? I mean, you're all so close, how did you meet them?"

"Most people here work in the fishing industry, right? Boats, fishing, fish farming, and processing, that's district four. You remember how we start working at 15 here?" he asks me. He's should know, having tested my knowledge on the district and filled in gaps himself, teaching me whatever I didn't know about how things work here.

"Of course," I tell him. "At fourteen, you take a test and the administration decides where you'll work. You take more specialized classes, the next year you start working alternate shifts and attending school the rest of the time, that's how it is until after the reaping when you're 18 when you're done with school. Did I get it right?"

"That's it. So at fifteen I got assigned to a boat and I was miserable. I hated it. That first year, I didn't know how I would be able to do it."

He continues, "But then Spinner showed up, and made it bearable. You know how he is. He and Carlo were the same year, they'd been in school together and were already close. Carlo worked the alternate days on his boat, and Spinner sort of looked after Johnny when Carlo was gone. The rest is history. "

"And you were done with school last year?"

"Yeah, I'd just started full-time on the boats when the rebellion got started here. Carlo and Spin still had a year to go."

"Okay - So, what about your family? You've never mentioned them." I ask him.

"It's complicated," he sighs. "Another time, okay? Look, there's the school building. We should go in to the party. We don't want to miss anything."

"Okay," I say uncertainly, as he leads me in to the building. He wasn't in much of a hurry to get to the party before. Why wouldn't he want to tell me about his family? I feel like he's shutting me out and it leaves me confused.

When we walk into the main assembly room, I spot our friends quickly. The room is packed with people. but luckily they've already claimed a table along the wall so we head straight over to meet them. Rose and Spinner are chatting with some other people I don't know, and Johnny and Mick look thick as thieves together at the table. I try to shake off my concern about what just happened with Bear as we join them.

Everyone's got plates full of food, with the kind of variety I was used to back home but haven't seen in months - fried chicken, baked potatoes, pasta casseroles, greens, nuts and dried fruits, and more. There's shrimp and grits, but not a fish in sight. On one hand, it's an amazing spread. On the other hand, I'm worried we're taking too much from the provision stores and will be stuck with nothing but fish and bread from now on. I didn't think to ask Rose about it, I just assumed they had a plan - I hope she and the other provisions leaders know what they're doing.

Bear and I fill up our plates and take them back to the table. The smells alone make my mouth water. When we dive in, everything is good, but the fried chicken is delicious - it's crispy coating and the succulent meat are amazing. Maybe it's just the fact that it's not fish, but I'd swear I've never tasted chicken this good. They're saving the cake for the end of the broadcast, so we'll have to wait for dessert. Before we've even finished eating, they start the airing of the wedding broadcast.

It's fun to watch the broadcast with everyone. The crowds in the assembly room cheer at almost everything, though everyone quiets down to watch the vows, and then rowdily joins in when the children sing the mariner's song. Bear sits behind me, brushes my hair over my shoulder and wraps his arms around me. We sit like that for most of the ceremony. Near the end, the white liquor and other drinks get passed around for the coming toasts. When Annie and Finnick kiss at the end of the ceremony, I think of how different things are now than the first airing, before I knew Bear liked me. I turn my head toward him and steal a kiss of my own.

We cheerfully join in the toasts, with our mix of juice and a splash of white liquor. As the district 12 fiddler starts up on the broadcast, Rose pulls Johnny out onto the space cleared as a dance floor, and Mick unexpectedly turns to me.

"Maddie!" He exclaims, "Doesn't this dance look a lot like one we learned growing up? You want to give it a try?" I look at him for a moment in confusion, then look back to Bear, who shrugs as if to say why not. I grin back at Mick and follow him out to the dance floor, where he follows me easily through the district 12 dance, while everyone around is busy with their own district four interpretations. I can't believe he knows this dance. I'm going to have to ask him how, as soon as I get the chance, but for the time being I let it go and enjoy the familiar music and dance steps. It's a lively dance and by the time we make it back to the table, we're both trying to catch our breath and quickly down some water.

I've decided I won't ask Bear to dance. He said before that he doesn't dance and I'm not going to make him, much though I'd love to, so when the next tune starts up I don't even look at him, just keep sipping my water and watching the dancers. Besides, I don't want to admit it but the district 12 dance was a bit of a workout for my arm.

Johnny pulls me out to try a district four dance, though I warn him to go easy on my arm. I'm really glad I've had all that practice dancing from helping to host the Capitol types back home, since I can keep up with the less familiar district four dances. Johnny leads me through an exuberant dance before letting me back to the table for another break. For the next few songs, the group regathers at the table and alternates between watching the dancers here at the party, and the wedding broadcast, until Rose and Spinner jump back out onto the dance floor. Then Johnny wants Mick to meet some of the musicians he met at the dance the other night, and they run off into the crowd together, leaving me and Bear sitting quietly at the table together.

The local musicians drown out the fiddler in the broadcast. They are flying through a high speed jig when Bear whispers in my ear, "Let's dance." It's about the last thing I'm expecting and I look at him curiously, but he pulls me to my feet and links his arm with mine, and leads me to a quieter corner of the dance floor. I don't know how he knew the timing for it, but the song ends as we reach the dance floor and is replaced by a slow ballad as Finnick and Annie's dance takes over the broadcast. As Bear spins me in front of him, his right arm catches my back lightly, his left hand takes my right, and he pulls me gently to him.

"I thought you didn't dance?" I ask as we sway to the music.

"Who said that?" he asks.

"Um, I'm pretty sure you did," I answer.

"I guess it just takes the right partner," he says casually.

My heart flutters. Unable to respond, I lean my cheek on his shoulder with a sigh.

"I meant to tell you earlier, you look beautiful. That blouse - the green really brings out your eyes," he says, his deep voice just above a whisper. My eyes drift to the screen showing Annie in her green dress, dancing with Finnick, and I bite my lip at the memory of our first kiss. I'd bet he's been waiting until now to say it, to remind me of his reaction to the colored lenses. Together we float across the dance floor. He doesn't fill the song with fancy moves or anything, just a small spin here or there and a modest dip at the end, but it's perfect just as it is.

When the song ends, he lets go of me with a light kiss and we walk off the dance floor hand in hand. Nobody is at our table, and I want more time alone with Bear anyway. I tug at his hand and suggest, "Wanna get some air?"

He looks down at me and asks, "Are you sure?"

I pull him toward the door. "Come on."

When we get outside, we silently turn down the street, walking hand in hand through the cool afternoon, past the brick buildings of the city. The sun is already hidden behind the buildings of the district. The further we walk, the more something seems to be weighing on him.

"Thanks for the dance," I say, hoping to bring him out of his shell.

"Madge ..."

He lifts our joined hands to his lips and kisses the back of my hand. He seems distracted, and I wait patiently for him to continue.

"I'm sorry about earlier. I don't want to shut you out. Some things ... I just wanted today to be perfect. I don't ... " he sighs, out of words for the moment.

Hearing him, I think of how much he has done for me since I arrived in district four and make a quick decision. "Bear, it's okay," I duck in front of him to meet his downcast eyes. "It's okay. Really. I trust you."

He looks relieved, but still uncertain. "But ..."

"No buts. Can we just forget about it and enjoy our date?"

His eyes swim with a mix of emotions. "You're amazing."

I wrap my arms around his neck, looking into his eyes and stretching up to reach his lips. Then his mouth crashes into mine desperately, revealing his pent emotions. The wave of feeling washes through me with a shiver. I return his intensity and we're locked together; his hands tangle in my hair and I pull him back with me until I'm pressed against the brick wall of the building we'd been walking past. A small moan escapes me as our tongues meet. Encouraged, he devours my kisses. His hands caress me, running down my back to grip my waist and pull me closer into him. My fingers run along his jaw and up into his thick brown hair. I follow his lips for kiss after kiss until we're both breathless.

When the surge of emotion has run its course and we've both run out of oxygen, our lips break apart. We stay there, pressed against the building, gasping for air. I lean my head back, resting it on the brick wall behind me, feeling his breath on my neck, desire still coursing through my veins. I shiver as our breathing slows, and gently find his lips again. I nibble teasingly on his lips, and find I'm trembling slightly. His lips overtake mine for a long, slow kiss, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me from the wall.

"You're freezing," he says, feeling my bare arms and hugging me to him. "Why didn't you say something?"

"It's fine," I tell him. Cold was the last thing on my mind.

"Should we go back?" he asks quietly.

I think for a moment. "Well, there's still cake ... if we haven't missed it again." I tease him.

"Well come on then!" He laughs and takes my hand, hurrying me along as we make our way back toward the school. Inside, the room is warm from so many people packed into the space, partying and dancing all this time. Miraculously, we haven't missed the cake this time. I wonder if they paused the broadcast to help drag out the party. Guiltily we return to our table, but nobody says anything about our absence and their ongoing conversation about the party continues. And when the broadcast shows the wedding cake, I see just how right Rose was. The cake is beautiful. It reminds me of Peeta's creations back in district 12, but this one is an intricately crafted homage to the couple from district four. "Is that cake enough for you?" I ask Bear.

"I don't think I could eat it - it's too artistic. I've never seen seals on a wedding cake before," he says.

"Yeah it's beautiful. Lucky for us the cakes here aren't that fancy, so we'll have no problem eating them." I'm thinking of how Peeta would love a cake like that one, about how Katniss told me he brought frosting flowers home after the victory tour to study different techniques. If only he were safe in district 13, instead of imprisoned in the Capitol.

Bear kisses my cheek and gets up from the table, announcing to the group, "I'm going to get cake - who wants some?" Everyone does, it turns out, so Spinner goes with him to get enough for the whole table.

While they're gone, Rose asks me if everything's alright. I blush and nod, telling her we were just getting some air. "Uh-huh," she says, unconvinced but satisfied with my answer all the same.

The cake is delicious.

After the broadcast ends, the local musicians return to their instruments and the dancing begins anew. Rose and Spinner hop out onto the dance floor. During the second song, a girl comes over and asks Johnny to dance, so he takes off too, leaving Mick with me and Bear.

Bear's plate still has a blue frosting flower from his piece of cake. "Aren't you going to eat that?" Mick asks, eying it hungrily. It's not like we get such decadent desserts on a regular basis.

"No, I'm giving it to Maddie." He answers. Looking at me, he says, "Since I couldn't get you real flowers for our date. It reminds me of you anyway," he tells me.

"What?" I ask, flummoxed.

You're sweet as sugar," he says, then leans over, kisses me, and moves his lips to my ear, whispering, "and it goes with your eyes."

I roll my eyes, biting back my smile. I guess this is going to be a thing with him, my eye color. But I take the flower from his plate and nibble away at the sweet frosting. In the process, my fingers get coated in the sticky stuff.

"You're a mess," Bear laughs at me.

"This is your fault," I counter, pointing a sticky finger at him.

His eyes glint mischievously. "I could help."

"No way!" I say, watching him suspiciously as I lick the dregs of frosting from my fingers.

Mick makes a gagging sound, saying, "Ugh! Could you two be any cuter? It's disgusting."

I break my gaze away from Bear, laughing. "Sorry, Mick."

He looks at me in mock disgust and declares, "It's bad enough I'm stuck with my _sister_ and her _boyfriend_. Ugh."

"He's not my boyfriend," I say, embarrassed. Both Mick and Bear look surprised.

"It's our first date!" I mutter, my cheeks burning. It's not that I don't want Bear to be my boyfriend, but it is just our first date. It's not like we've talked about it, unless you count me asking what to tell Rose and him saying whatever I want. I guess he meant I could call him my boyfriend, but isn't that a little fast? I don't know, I haven't had a real boyfriend before.

I'm relieved when Bear jokes, "Cut her some slack, Mick. We're trying to have a first date and she's got to put up with her little brother. She even danced with you before she danced with me."

That reminds me of the district 12 dance Mick seemed to know so well. "Mick, you really knew that dance earlier! I can't believe you remembered it so well. When was it we learned that one?" I ask him pointedly.

"I think we saw it on the footage of the victory tour last year. But I recognized it in the wedding broadcast. Isn't it fun that we've learned those different dances?" he answers innocently. I roll my eyes, amazed at how much fun he seems to have with our pretend family history. I guess it's a good thing.

The party goes on late into the night. Mick gets back out on the dance floor and our friends come and go with the changing rhythms of the music, while Bear and I watch from the table. We joke with our friends and talk about small things - the food, the music, the weather, the people surrounding us. Bear keeps close to me, twisting my hair in his fingertips or wrapping his arm around my waist while we talk, stealing kisses now and then. Neither of us brings up anything from the past. It's our first date. There's no rush.


	25. Sleepover

**A/N: Thanks for reading and for the reviews!**

* * *

As we walk home through the cold night, Rose invites me to her place for the night. Even though part of me wants this date to never end, I agree. I'm not used to girl talk, but after opening up with her yesterday, I think it would be really nice to have someone to talk with ... other than the guys. I can't help but laugh thinking of how Katniss would have reacted if I showed up at school one day all bubbly over some boy. She probably would have looked at me like I'd grown a second head.

I feel badly when I realize that I'm leaving Mick during his visit, but he doesn't seem bothered by it. When we get to the apartment with the guys, I change into warmer clothes and pick up a couple things for the night. Before we leave, Bear pulls me aside to say goodnight with a chaste kiss that leaves me wanting more. I wonder how our date would be ending if I stayed. But Rose is waiting, so I reluctantly say goodnight and we head to her place.

Rose's family lives in an apartment near the store. It's a bit larger than either place I've stayed in with the guys, and homier. Of course, I don't get the tour immediately because Naiya is waiting when we walk in the door.

"There you are Rose! Did you enjoy your party? I hope you and your friends had fun tonight but you know how I always worry when you're out late. I just want to make sure you're safe, right honey? Hello Maddie, how nice to see you. Are you girls having a sleepover? Let me guess, time for a little girl talk? Won't that be nice. A little birdy told me about your new beau, Maddie. Now honey, maybe it's not my place but that boy had better treat you right or he will answer to me is that clear? I'm sorry, I shouldn't butt in. I know Rose doesn't want me to mother her friends but you're practically family considering we see each other almost every day at the store and after everything you've been been through, well -"

"Umm ... thanks?" I reply.

She adds, "Anyway I can't say I approve of you living with those boys but it's not my place to interfere and I can't tell you what to do. At least I know you have your head on straight but I want you to know you can come here anytime and we will always be here whatever you need, alright honey?"

"Sure. Thanks, Naiya." I agree.

"Okay then. Now don't let me get in your way, I'll just mind my own business. You two girls have fun, just don't get too rowdy 'cause the twins are already asleep and I do not want to have that battle again tonight. I'll just be in my room if you need anything." Satisfied, she heads out of the room, humming under her breath. Did she say twins?

Rose grins. "Sorry about mom."

I laugh, "That's alright. It's kind of nice, actually. But what did she mean, the twins?"

Rose explains, "What? Oh, my little brother and sister. Kima and T.J. - they're seven. I don't know how mom does it. I guess you haven't heard about them before?"

"How did I not know that?" I ask aloud, as Rose begins showing me around the apartment.

She laughs, "Well, as talkative as mom is, she doesn't like to brag about her children. She's kind of funny that way. Anyway they've been visiting our dad and uncle in sector three, he helps out with them a lot. Well, we all do I guess. But that's why she wasn't at the celebration - she was picking them up."

Ending the tour at her bedroom, she says, "So you can crash with me in my room if you want, might be better than out in the main room if the twins are up early. Unless you'd prefer the spare room. We have kind of a lot of space."

"No, let's make it a true sleepover," I suggest. I head to the bathroom to change into the pajamas I brought. I knock when I get back to Rose's room, and we each claim a part of Rose's bed to sit on.

Almost as soon as we're situated I ask, "So what's going on with you and Spinner lately?"

Rose grins wickedly. "Well _we_ didn't disappear for half the party today."

I can feel my blush. "It wasn't that long!"

"Okay fine. Spinner didn't think you guys would even show up – thanks to you, I won that bet," she says. "Anyway, how was it? Good first date?"

"Omigosh ...," I bury my face in my hands. "It was so … I can't even describe it. It was so romantic though."

Rose laughs, "You two looked pretty cozy. I've never seen Bear so ... happy."

I blush furiously but can't wipe the goofy grin from my face. "Really? I just hope he wasn't disappointed."

"Trust me, I don't think you have anything to worry about!" she says. Then she can't help telling me how she and Spinner had been trying to make themselves scarce around the apartment this week. I guess I really was the last to know, the last one to figure out what was going on.

I love thinking about my date with Bear, and I'm determined to open up more - this past week might not have been so nerve-wracking if I'd just talked with Rose about it. Even so, I'm still not really used to sharing this stuff, so soon I switch topics back to the party as a whole, "The district did a great job with the party too! Did you guys have fun? It sure looked like you and Spin were tearing up the dance floor."

Rose happily takes over the conversation, talking about the dancing and the music. When she talks about where all the food came from, I tell her just how delicious everything was, but have to admit that I'm worried that we're going to have nothing but fish and bread to eat for months now.

Rose gives me a sly smile, and says, "I wouldn't be too worried."

My eyes widen at her, "What do you know?"

"Just between you and me, the rebels should have trains between the districts up and running any day now. We've already started building up stores to send nearby districts. Parts of one, two and three are really hurting for food, so they'll get our first shipments. But we should be getting something from the agricultural districts soon. Bear didn't tell you? I thought he was working on logistics."

"He didn't mention anything. Hasn't told me much about work lately, though," I say, remembering his deflections when I've brought it up recently.

She shrugs, "I wouldn't worry. I think he's been a little distracted," she winks at me. "Anyway, we should have some variety again soon."

It's good news, one more step toward stability in the districts.

* * *

In the morning, we sleep in and miss seeing Naiya and the twins. Now that I know about them, I hope I can meet them soon. We don't head out the door to go see the guys until late morning. On our way back, Rose asks me, "So have you thought about the battle in the Capitol at all?"

"Thought about it, sure. Johnny wants to go, as a medic, you know."

"Yeah," she answers hesitantly. "Spinner and I have both signed on, too. If we pass muster."

"Really?" I can't help wonder about Bear's plans.

"Who knows if any of us will get to go, but they're starting some additional training sessions for those interested. Spinner and I already registered."

"Oh," I say dumbly. Of course they'd want to help fight what we all hope will be the final battles of the war. It hadn't occurred to me, though. I would go, too, but if I'm honest with myself, I'd rather stay in district four. There's already more than enough work to go around. But someone has to stay, to continue the rebuilding and the provisions distribution and everything else we've been doing, right? Am I just trying to justify staying? Does it make me a coward if I stay here?

"Sorry," Rose says. "I didn't mean to kill the fun."

I shake my head at her. "No, I'm glad you told me. I guess I really hadn't thought about it. There's so much work to do here. You don't know if Bear ... ?"

"No, but command might want to keep him here anyway. So, if I do go - do you think you'd want to take over some of the Provisions work? I know it's a lot to ask but I bet you and mom would be a great team. I hate the thought of handing it over to some stranger. Unless you go to the Capitol, too, of course."

I'm surprised by the request, but answer quickly, "Well, yeah, I mean I guess. If I'm here. Of course. I want to help wherever I can."

Rose seems pleased. "Oh good. I mean, who knows what's going to happen, right? But I'm glad I brought it up."

* * *

We're back at the apartment in time for lunch (more fish, what a surprise). Bear greets me with a quick hug and a whispered "hi" before we sit down to eat, but I'm distracted, still thinking about the war and the Capitol. I want to ask him about it, but at the same time, I don't.

After lunch, Bear disappears for a nap and I make a point to get some more time with Mick before he heads back to sector two. I try to be vague when I ask him what his plans are, but he assures me he's sticking with the fishing crews. At least I don't have to worry about him disappearing to the Capitol, too. I also have to ask him about the district twelve dance.

He rolls his eyes at me. "Don't you remember _our_ family bein' selected to attend the Victory Tour ball last year, a reward for our 'loyalty to the Capitol'? Since the Victors were from 12, we saw a bit o' their dancin'. Sheesh, I'd'a thought you'd remember, given how obsessed you were with Katniss. Wanting that bow 'n' arrow so bad." He smirks at me, and all I can do is laugh. He's way too good at this. Then we come up with a few other stories about our life together before the rebellion.

Late that night I'm curled up on the couch, my head resting on Bear's shoulder. When I tell him about Mick's story, he smiles. "Yeah, Mick thinks it's a great game. We talked some ... he's got a lot of time to kill on the boat, and has fit you into all sorts of stories about the Amelins. It's great - as long as you learn them too. At some point."

Mick and I will need our stories straight, that's for sure. At least he's staying in the district. I sigh as my morning conversation with Rose still nags at my thoughts. I guess Bear and I have more to talk about than I realized, but I don't want to think about it now.

Bear misreads my concern. "Don't worry, he's too smart to do anything to get you in trouble. Besides," he jokes, "he knows he'd have to answer to me." His fingers trace circles on the fabric covering my shoulder.

Naiya said almost the same thing last night, only about Bear. It's a mystery how I wound up with so many people looking out for me here. Then again, I guess we're all looking out for each other. The best way to thank them is to return the favor.

"No," I answer, "I'm not worried about Mick. Though I should have been here more. I felt bad leaving him here." I want to ask him about the future, about the fight in the Capitol, but I'm too scared.

"Leaving him?" Bear asks with mock incredulity. "What about leaving me?"

"Oh, please. We see each other every day," I protest, sitting up a bit to see his face.

"Put yourself in my shoes," he says innocently. "Here I was, on a date with this incredible, gorgeous girl. I think it's going well, until she ditches me out of nowhere for a sleepover. It was terrible. What was I supposed to think?"

I smirk at him while my heart races. "If it bothered you so much, maybe you should have asked her to stay?"

"Maybe I should try again," he says in return, eyes dancing.

The kiss starts slowly, his soft lips against my mouth enticing me to pull myself into his lap, trying to find my way closer to him. Already I feel I can scarcely breathe. I try to deepen the kiss, but he won't let me. Each time I try to press into him, he pulls away so that his mouth is just out of reach, and when my eyes flicker open his teasing smile and low laugh tempt me even more. Then he comes back to me, kissing my cheek or nuzzling the cold tip of my nose or brushing his lips again mine for another kiss that's as light as air. It becomes a sort of game as I try to catch him off guard. When I run my hands into his hair, he gently retrieves them and intertwines his fingers with mine. His touch is as light as a cloud, slow as a sunrise, and captures me as surely as any net could.


	26. Bear's story

**A/N: Thanks for reading ...**

* * *

In my dream I'm on a battlefield, my friends in military uniforms around me - not just Katniss and Gale, but Spinner, Rose, Bear - carrying guns, targeting Peacekeepers, being attacked by enemy fire. They're not nightmares exactly, but are laced with fear all the same. I wake up on the couch, with a painful ache in my back. I admonish myself for succumbing to the temptation of sleeping in the front room - I really can't make a habit of this.

Bear must have noticed me wake, because I hear his voice, "Sorry if I woke you," and feel his fingers trail over my knee.

Sleepily, I wave him off. Images from my dream still haunt me though, and I pick up my head from the couch to ask him worriedly, "Are you going to the Capitol?"

He seems surprised. He replies, "What? No. I'm staying here with you."

"You're staying?" I ask him again.

"I'm staying," he repeats quietly.

"Because of me?" I ask.

"Not just because of you. I don't think command would send me even if I wanted to go. They think I'm too reckless." The Bear I know thinks everything through five times over. I'm about to tell him how preposterous he sounds when he leans down for a quick kiss. Two. Make that three.

As we break apart, I sigh happily before suggesting, "... or maybe you're too valuable here. Rose told me about the trains."

"Not me," he disagrees amiably. "I'm just a cog in the machine."

It's useless to try and argue with him, but I'm still thinking about his answer.

"You think I should stay here?" I ask him, more alert now.

"Of course," he says quickly. "You have to stay here. You can't sign up to go to the Capitol. Do you know the scrutiny that would put on you?" He perches himself on the couch in front of me.

"Oh. Good. I don't wanna go, even if I'm a coward," I admit, dropping my head back to the couch.

"You're not a coward." he says. "You're one of the bravest people I know." He brushes the hair from my face, looking down at me. I still feel like a coward.

I ask pitifully, "You know the others are all going?"

"They've all signed up to go. We don't know if they'll be sent yet," he corrects me.

"What are we going to do?"

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"Are we really just going to sit around here while they go back into the war?"

"Sick of me already?" he asks, eyebrows raised.

"You know what I mean," I argue.

"And you know there's plenty of work to do here. We can't all take down President Snow personally, no matter how much we want to."

I guess he's right, but I still feel guilty about it.

"Besides," Bear says, "you can't leave Mick and me here alone."

I grin, remembering his teasing from last night. "You're right," I tell him, "Mick needs me."

He gives me a withering glare that just makes me laugh.

It's a busy day at the provisions center, but the day still passes slowly. I chitchat with Tad some, and Naiya talks both our ears off. When I get home, Bear is still asleep in the back room. Johnny's spending all his extra time at the clinic in hopes of impressing the supervisors, so for now it's just me. I putter around in the front room, getting a snack and watching the rebel broadcasts. They're showing new propo spots of rebels in training. There are even shots of Gale and Finnick on a shooting range. Will they be going to the Capitol, I wonder? I'm sure they will. Gale was probably the first to sign up in district 13, and we all know now why Finnick would be eager for revenge. I wonder how Annie feels about it, coming so soon after their wedding.

Spinner shows up and joins me on the couch. As we watch the propos, I keep my eye out for other familiar faces, but don't recognize anyone else. Spinner seems more focused on what types of training are being shown in hopes of getting ideas for what he and Rose should expect at their trainings, which will start tomorrow.

Bear's awake in time for dinner with us, and after we've eaten and cleaned up, Spinner decides to head to bed early; he says he needs his beauty sleep before training begins, but waggles his eyebrows at us suggestively before disappearing down the hall.

It doesn't take long before I'm wrapped in Bear's arms, receiving more of his delicious kisses. Vaguely I hear the sound of a door, but I assume it's Spinner until Bear pulls away suddenly. Johnny is standing in the doorway.

"Is this what I'm coming home to from now on?" Johnny asks. I blush furiously while Bear clears his throat and says, "If we knew when you'd be home..."

"Never mind," Johnny grumbles, storming off toward the back room. I look at Bear, half amused and half concerned. I don't want to make either Spinner or Johnny uncomfortable in their own home. "Are we overdoing it?" I ask him.

He brushes my hair out of my face and kisses me again.

"He'll get over it. It's not like I've never caught him with a girl."

"Really? Johnny?" I ask, intrigued.

He chuckles. "Well, yeah. So don't worry, okay?"

"Okay," I hum, leaning in for another kiss.

* * *

Bear seemed distracted this morning, maybe because Rose and Spinner start their training sessions with command today. Even Naiya seems quiet at the store, which is really unusual. I'm sure she's just concerned for Rose.

When I get home, Bear is waiting for me. He's holding a fresh mug of tea but it looks like he hasn't slept a wink. "Are you okay?" I ask, ruffling a hand through his hair. He ducks away unsmiling, and leads me over to the kitchen table, sitting us down across from each other. I don't like it; it feels like a wall between us.

He looks at me seriously and says, "When we were on our date, you asked me about my family. You deserve an answer."

I don't like the pit growing in my stomach as he averts his gaze, staring intently at some point on the wall.

"It's okay. I didn't ... I - I'm sorry I asked -," I stutter.

"Don't!" He says angrily. Instinctively I flinch away, and the anger in his expression melts into regret. Quieter, he tells me, "Please, don't apologize. I'm sorry I yelled. It's not your fault, it's mine." With a sigh he adds, "If you don't want to listen ... I understand."

Whatever it is, I've never seen him upset like this. I don't know what could do this to him, but I have to hear whatever it is he's decided to share. "Tell me," I insist.

Fiddling nervously with a scrap of paper on the table, he takes a deep breath, and begins dully, "I had a good childhood. Loving parents, older sister. We weren't rich or anything, just - normal. But when I was eight, my dad's boat left on a routine fishing trip, and never came home. Nobody knows what happened to them. At least, nobody told us anything. Mom did the best she could. She sold off what she could, that helped at first. She worked long hours. Me and my sister, we were on our own a lot. That next year Finnick won the games - I think it saved us, the extra rations. I don't know, I was just a kid."

It's sad, but I can deal with this. Losing a parent isn't so foreign - my mother was sick not dead, but the accidents in the mines had left so many parents in the Seam struggling to get by. I hated the Capitol for it, for how little they cared about the safety of the district citizens. Just one more way the Capitol terrorized the districts. I wonder if the Capitol is just as flippant about safety when it comes to the fishermen. I reach out to take Bear's hands,but at my touch they drop the paper and retreat, folding together.

Bear continues, "Mom worked in the processing plant. My sister took out tesserae. They made it work - kept us going. Two years."

He falls into silence, tears in his eyes. I try my best to hold my own tears back, to be strong for him. I can tell that's not everything. My hands reach out again and this time rest on his.

He sighs, "There's more, but ..."

I'm afraid to ask, but I do anyway. "What happened?" I whisper.

"The games," he chokes out. "My sister ... got reaped. She was thirteen." His voice shakes as he tells me, "she didn't last an hour." His hand breaks free from my grasp and goes to the bridge of his nose, too late to stop the sobs escaping him.

"Oh Bear ..." I wish I could remember her, one tribute lost in a sea of children killed for the Capitol's amusement. Tears well in my eyes as I witness his pain.

He stares up at the ceiling, eyes red and still wet with tears. "I can't ..."

I squeeze his hand and tell him, "Don't then. It's okay. You don't have to -"

"No," he insists in a raw voice, briefly meeting my eyes. "No. I want to." He covers my hand with his and fixes his eyes on them as he breathes another shaky sigh and continues.

"After that, mom would break down all the time. She had problems at work. I felt dead inside, and I started getting into trouble at school. I'd always been a good student, but I just shut down. I couldn't help her. It seemed like I was just a reminder of everything we'd lost. I was just a stupid kid. I started staying out late, avoiding home. I thought she wouldn't be so sad if she didn't have to see me. I got in a lot of dumb fights. Like I needed the pain. I don't know. It was stupid, there's no excuse for it."

He takes his untouched mug of tea to the sink, dumping out the now-cold contents as he continues. "They blamed my mom. They just took me from her, sent me to the orphanage as if she was dead," he laments. "I haven't seen her since. I don't even know where she is, or if she's alive. I've looked for her, but ... I don't know. It's like she disappeared."

* * *

**A/N: Appreciate any reviews! Next update soon.**


	27. In the dark of night

**A/N: Thanks for reading and especially for your reviews! Thanks to Belle453 for her ideas.  
**

* * *

It's all a shock. I've known Bear for months, and he's never let on to any of it. I had no idea he'd lost his whole family, that his mom had been taken from him just when they needed each other the most. He must trust me though, to open up like this. He seems so vulnerable in this moment. I never realized how guarded he's been, how much he's held inside. In a way it's ironic, that we've been going along for months as if I'm the one in hiding. But right now it's just heartbreaking. And I didn't have a clue.

I can't see his face, but his hands grip the edge of the sink. I want to go to him and throw my arms around him but something warns me to give him time. I get up to follow him, but feeling uncertain, leave him some space. "I'm so sorry," I tell him, knowing it's not enough, but not knowing what else to say.

"It wasn't her fault ..." he mutters desperately. "If I'd known -"

Slowly I walk over to him, rest my hand on his arm and wait, hoping he'll come back to me. His eyes are clouded with despair and regret. Quietly, insistently I tell him, "It's not your fault." He just shakes his head, not meeting my eyes. After a long silence, he turns toward me and enfolds me in a hug. For once there's nothing teasing or tempting about his touch, but it's raw and it's true. And I want nothing more than to comfort him.

"I'm sorry," he sighs.

"_I'm_ sorry. I had no idea," I tell him sadly.

He shakes his head. "You couldn't have." He leans his head against me and links his hands in mine.

After a long silence he says, "... I guess we're even now."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Now you know all my dark secrets too," he says.

I reach up and bury my hands in his hair, holding him to me long after the light beyond the window fades and silence again takes over the room. Eventually, Bear picks up his head. He meets my eyes and admits, "I really don't want to deal with anyone tonight." He doesn't mean me; I realize that it's late enough, Johnny or Spinner could be home at any time.

So I ask him, "You want to go somewhere?" even though I have no idea where we could go.

But the way his eyes flit away and then back to me, I think he has an idea. He kisses my forehead, then rests his head against mine and breathes, "Better bring a jacket."

Intrigued, I grab my coat and follow him out of the apartment. I take his hand as he leads me up the stairwell. All the way up to the top, where Bear shoulders open a rusty door and pulls me out onto the roof.

Immediately the wind hits me and I hurry to pull on my coat. Beyond the edge of the roof the district streets stretch in all directions. Before I know it Bear's already sitting in the center of the roof, head turned up to the sky. Looking up, I see patches of dark night laden with stars, peeking through layers of wispy clouds. I follow Bear and drop down beside him. He lays back, pulling me back with him to look out into the night sky. Huddled into his side, I watch the gray clouds drift past above us. An almost-full moon shines through the haze, not far from the horizon.

"That was always the best part of being on the boats," he tells me.

"What's that?" I ask.

Bear takes my hand, still staring up at the stars. "The sky. On a quiet night, alone on watch. On a clear night you could see more stars than you could count in a lifetime." It sounds breathtaking. Almost to himself, he adds, "it kept me sane, until Spinner came."

I watch the clouds drift across the face of the moon, obscuring its outline. "My aunt died in the games," I tell him, wanting him to understand what I mean, that he's not alone.

I feel more than see Bear shift next to me, turning his head to look at me. I explain, "my mother had a twin. She was a tribute in the quell - the year Haymitch won."

He asks, "What happened to her?"

"They were allies. They made it to the final five and then she broke the alliance. Mutts killed her, some kind of bird."

I pause, thinking of how to say why I thought to say it now. That the games have taken someone from me too. Only I never knew my aunt. Still I blame the games for stealing my mother away from me. She never recovered from her sister's death. We lived in the shadow of Maysilee's memory. The older I got, the more I reminded people of her, and the worse it was for my mother. My mother didn't die in the arena, but sometimes it felt like she might as well have for how she was able to live her life after. But I don't want Bear to think he'll be similarly haunted, so I don't say anything more.

"I'm sorry," he says.

I sit up so I can see his face. I look down on him in the darkness, a weak smile turning up the corners of his mouth.

"Are you okay?" I ask him.

"I'm glad you know."

I slide back down next to him, curling into him. My arm drapes across his chest and my fingers drift along his collarbone. His body radiates warmth, and mine returns some small fraction back to him. We lay together a long time, drifting between wakefulness and sleep, until the wind has stolen too much of our heat and I wake shivering despite Bear's warmth next to me.

When we find our way back to the apartment, everything is quiet and dark. I toss my coat aside and stand in the front room while Bear turns on a light, which is too bright and blinds us both. He pulls a blanket from the couch, cursing when it drags across the table and sends an empty glass clattering to the floor, and drapes it over my shoulders. I start giggling and tell him to be careful, and in turn he shushes me to be quiet because he doesn't want to wake anyone, but for some reason I can't stop giggling. He kisses me and clasps his hands over mine, massaging the warmth back into my fingers. And then out of nowhere the giggles turn to tears and suddenly I'm crying, hiccuping against Bear's chest. I can't even think clearly to put into words why I'm reacting this way. He doesn't say anything, just holds me until the tears subside and wipes my cheek with his thumb. His brow is knit with concern, though.

I breathe deeply to calm myself down and Bear pulls me down onto the couch with him. He goes to turn off the light again and when he comes back to the couch I move the blanket to cover us both. There's not much room but he nestles his body against mine, my back against his chest, engulfing me in his warmth. That's where I fall asleep, in his arms.

* * *

In the morning, I find myself awake though the apartment is quiet. Dim light filters in around the curtain. I can feel Bear's breath in my hair, slow and steady. His arm is still draped over me. Delicately I turn to see his face, trying not to disturb him. My eyes trace over his strong brow, his delicate eyelashes. His soft lips are parted and there's a trace of stubble across his jaw.

I lay there thinking about everything he told me last night as I watch him sleep, looking so peaceful. It's still overwhelming to know what he's been through; I feel the tears starting to form again and I have to bite my lip to control them. No one should have to face so much loss so young. Even my mother had her parents ...

My thoughts drift to how Bear has taken care of me since I showed up in district four. I remember the times when he seemed so angry or disapproving, like when I wanted to go find my family, or hadn't told Mick who I was. Now it seems that all those times, he was just thinking of me. And so was I - thinking of me. I wasn't thinking of him. I never asked what he needed. How could I have been so selfish all this time? I don't deserve him.

"Hey," Bear's low voice pulls me from my thoughts. Startled, I look into the deep brown of his still sleepy eyes. I was so lost in thought I didn't notice him wake. We're still wrapped loosely in the blanket. Bear's hand slides under the hem of my shirt and across my back, sending warm shivers up my spine.

"I don't deserve you," I tell him, resting my hands against his chest. His shirt is twisted and pulled taut across his body, a tempting sight in this intimate setting.

"That's crazy," he answers.

"I don't," I insist.

"Then I don't deserve you either," he counters.

I start to protest, but give up when he cuts me off with an intoxicating kiss. It's too early to argue anyway. He doesn't tease me this time, but kisses me fully. Maybe it's my imagination that puts meaning to that, but there's something less restrained about him now. Knowing what's brought him to this point only gives me a new appreciation for the thoughtfulness he's shown over the last week. It seems impossible that I have found my way to him, that we have each survived the darkness thrust on us by the Capitol to make it to this moment together. How lucky I am to be here, alive in district four, in the arms of this sweet and sexy man. I could just drift away in the moment forever.

He pulls me in to another alluring kiss. His stubble scratches at my face with a strangle tickling sensation, and I lift a hand to his cheek. "You're all scruffy," I say with a smile, rubbing my hand across the roughness of his jaw.

He smiles back and runs his fingers under my lips, kissing me gently. "Is that bad?" he asks.

"No," I say thoughtfully, "I'm just not used to it."

Our kisses become light and relaxed, almost casual, as we lay together in the morning light. It takes all my strength to leave that couch, to accept another day beginning around us and follow the clock out the door and down to the store. Later that day, the first train arrives from the agricultural districts. Distribution begins immediately, and our first shipments of fish are sent off with the train as it continues to district three. At the distribution center, we spend all afternoon unloading the produce and other staples replenishing the districts' meager supplies, excitedly cataloging the new inventory. That night I come home with a bag full of what now seem like rare treats, from apples and cabbage to butter and honey.


	28. Peeta's return

**A/N: Thanks for reading (and reviewing)!**

* * *

The next week flies by. Suddenly it seems like everything is happening at once. The soldiers are in training in preparation for the final assault on the Capitol. Every time I see Spinner or Rose it just seems they are already exhausted and worn; I hope they get a break before they're shipped off to the war. They've already been assigned to squads heading to the Capitol. They aren't scheduled to leave for another week, though.

We've received a second shipment from the agricultural districts, and the hope is that since the Capitols' air power has been taken out with the victory in D2, that the rebel groups will be able to maintain weekly or semiweekly provisions shipments among the districts. Here in district four, they're sending a lot of the fish and farmed shellfish out to other districts, as much as possible. Of course, with the effects of all the structural damage from the battles here in D4, it's not as much as they used to export to the Capitol. Then again, the district populations have been severely hurt by the war. I hate to think how many people have been lost, how everyone here has been hurt by the war one way or another.

Naiya and I have really been kept busy, taking over provision distribution in our sector for Rose as she and Spinner throw themselves into training. We're barely up to speed on how to deal with logistics all through the sector, and now with the trains operating, we've got to manage what comes from within the district and what arrives by train. Thank goodness Rose is still around. Even though she's training full time, Naiya and I keep track of anything we can't figure out on our own and run the list past her whenever we get the chance. She always fills in the details we need.

All together, it's meant that I don't get nearly as much time with Bear as I want. We've had one more "date night" but otherwise, there's little time for us to linger in each others' arms. Everything is so new to me; it's a little nerve-wracking trying to figure out the whole relationship thing, so maybe it's good that we have to take things slowly right now. I can't deny it's a relationship. Maybe we've only had two real dates, but we steal all the time together that we can. We've set ground rules though - we're not letting it interfere with our work. Or sleep. After those first few nights on the couch, I knew I wouldn't be able to keep up with Naiya and our provisions work if I continued like that. Usually we're left with a few hours in the evenings, which is usually the only time we can spend with our other friends who are heading off to war any day now. Hence our final rule - we've got to spend the time with our friends while they are here with us, because who knows what will happen when the war begins again.

Though everyone is exhausted, we try to keep up conversation over dinner.

"How was training?" I ask Spinner.

He swallows a mouthful of food before answering, "the same - target practice, combat practice, conditioning. They're working us 'til we can barely stand."

Concerned, I say, "I hope they know what they're doing. You'll be no good to them if they just wear you down."

Spinner tells me, "I can tell a difference, though. The whole squad is better than when we started."

Bear adds, "that's the same kinds of stuff we see in the propos. Won't it be a weakness that they're broadcasting the training that way?" Every night we see more propos from the rebels, surely intended to boost morale here in the districts. It's not just Finnick and Gale that we recognize. Katniss and Johanna Mason, the victor from district 7, also appear, training together on an indoor (or underground) firing range. There's a special report about Johanna, how she helped the rebel conspiracy in the arena, how the Capitol imprisoned and tortured her. Of course the main focus is how she's been rescued from the Capitol and is now training with the rebels.

Spinner dismisses Bear's concern. "Well the secrets aren't in basic training are they? It's in the strategy and deployment that secrecy really matters. And weapons."

Bear and I concede the point and Spinner adds, "Anyway we all need the same training. We might have to report to commanders from other districts once we're in the Capitol. We're all going to need to be on the same page pretty quickly."

Johanna's propo was a surprise - our first real evidence that the rebels had rescued prisoners of the Capitol, since we were never sure what happened to Annie. But the real shock comes with tonight's special broadcast, this one focused on Peeta. I'm stunned speechless. We all quiet down as soon as we see him in the broadcast. Like Johanna, there's a big report on Peeta's role in the rebellion, even going back to his sacrifices for Katniss in their first games, essentially ending with how he warned district 13 of the bombing. They don't explain details behind how Peeta was rescued from the Capitol, but that after being tortured by President Snow, the rebels have reunited him with Katniss and that he too is in training to fight alongside rebel forces in the Capitol.

When did this happen? I've been worried that he was dead or worse, in President Snow's hands. He seems healthy and is even moving pretty well on his bad leg from the looks of it. He looks different - it's in his eyes or expression, something - cold. I can't define it exactly. But he's alive, that news alone is exciting and I'm caught up in the idea of yet another person from home who's still fighting. I catch Spinner's eye and we both grin happily from the news.

When the broadcast ends, Johnny says, "That's weird."

"What is?" Spinner asks.

"He didn't talk. No interview." he answers, still looking puzzled. It hadn't occurred to me, but it's true. Peeta's always been such a good speaker, you'd think they'd take advantage of that. Maybe he's not fully recovered from whatever he suffered at the Capitol's hands ... even so, you'd think he's be a persuasive force for the rebels. It leaves me feeling a little uneasy.

"Nothing actually _with_ Katniss either," Bear adds.

At first I'm going to argue, but I know Bear was watching carefully, so I think back. Katniss had been shown once or twice in the broadcast, and it certainly suggested they were together, but I can't remember any shots showing them physically together in the same shot. The reporters had definitely _talked_ about a reunion with Katniss. So Katniss and Peeta and Gale are together again ... maybe they didn't show her with Peeta because she's with Gale now. They just don't want to ruin the story for everyone else. But I had thought she really cared for Peeta too ... the whole situation is confusing now that I know he's alive.

I'm still trying to remember the broadcast more clearly, looking worriedly at Bear when Spinner says, "well they're probably in different squads - they refused to let Rose and I be on the same squad. Rules are rules. And maybe they're tired of having every kiss broadcast to all of Panem. I know I would be."

He's got a point. Maybe we're simply over-analyzing things. It was the Capitol that always put them on display and forced them to constantly demonstrate their love, so maybe now they actually have some say in things. Katniss hated her private life being on display for all of Panem. I guess Peeta's not going to be exactly the same either, after everything he's been through, and with everything going on with the rebellion. If he's committed enough to the war to be training for battle, should we really be questioning the details of the rebel broadcasts? It nags at me though. I wait until Johnny and Spinner go to bed before talking about it any more with Bear. I've got to know what he's thinking, and I know he'll be more open if we're alone.

"Did you know?" I ask him.

He shakes his head. "No, not a word. I'd've told you."

"What do you think about it?"

"You'd know better than me, but Johnny was right - it was a little weird. He didn't seem like himself."

We agree about that much. "Yeah. But after what he went through, what we saw in Snow's interviews ... how could he be the same? At least he's alive. I didn't really think it was possible."

His eyes search mine, and I can't tell what he's thinking but he's worried for me. But he smiles and pulls me to the couch. In deep and soothing tones he says, "Of course - you're right. At least we know he's alive, and out of Snow's reach. He's safe, or as safe as any of us are."

I sigh, "I wish we knew what was going on there."

"In 13?" Bear hesitates, then asks, "Do you wish you were with them?"

"What, in 13?"

He looks at me expectantly, the slightest nods confirming it's what he means.

I answer, "No. I just meant, I wish we didn't learn everything from these broadcasts, that we knew what was really going on. I miss them, sure. I miss home. But it's different now."

"Is it?"

"For me it is. To be honest I was kind of wondering what Katniss will do now that her love life is free from Capitol meddling. She's never been that open with her feelings. I really can't guess what things are like for her now."

He shrugs. "They're your friends. You know, when we saw that first interview ... when I first caught on ... I thought you might be sweet on him."

"What do you mean?" I say, a little too fast and feeling a faint surge of panic that I try to hide.

"Peeta. The way you obviously cared about him, and how you defended him. It was more than the girls here cared, and he charmed them all. So I thought ..." he drifts off. Maybe he doesn't want to say it for fear it's true.

I laugh, a little relieved. "No, I never liked Peeta that way. He was just, someone I grew up with. Besides he always had his eye on Katniss, like he admitted in his first interview. I could never have competed with her." I feel a little guilty, like I'm lying by not explaining the truth to him about my real crush. I don't admit my old feelings for Gale to him. I tell myself it doesn't matter, Gale's not a part of this conversation, and anyway it's all in the past. But I never wanted to compete with Katniss for Peeta ...

"If you ask me she could never compete with you," Bear says quietly. He brushes the hair back from my face and I get that familiar fluttery feeling in my chest. I lean up to kiss him. He's smart and caring and strong and it's still hard to believe that he could like me, but it feels so right to be in his arms, and to have him in mine. We may not have said anything about love, or even about boyfriends and girlfriends since Mick's comment on that first date, but I want this to last forever. I pull back a bit from our kiss and watch him. The fluttering in my chest gets stronger as I dare myself to ask what's in my thoughts. Since I've ended the kiss he opens his eyes to find me, and I smile at the sincerity of his expression.

He looks at me, expectantly, and I spit it out in one fast string of words, "Will you be my boyfriend?"

Before I know it his hands are cradling my face as he kisses my lips. "You'll be my girl?" he asks, his lips next to mine. I nod, biting my lip and smiling. As if he needed to ask.

"I'm all yours," he murmurs, kissing me again, wrapping his hand into my hair. We share a deep, passionate kiss as if to seal our new status. Then he lessens the intensity of the kisses, grins at me and says, "now get out of here while you still can."

I want to tease him back, but I know we have to be responsible. It's late and I need to get some sleep. I know that Bear has to get to work, too. "Okay," I agree softly. "Goodnight, boyfriend."

His eyes twinkle as he tells me goodnight. I practically float down the hall and into bed.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry the updates are slowing down a bit. Been busy but hope to get more written soon.**


	29. Deployments

**A/N: Thanks for reading & especially thanks to the guest reviewers.**

* * *

The day I've been dreading comes too soon.

They're running the deployments here by sector, and today is sector one. Spinner, Rose, and Johnny will all leave on today's train, heading for the Capitol and what we all hope is the final battle of the rebellion.

Yesterday, they were given the day as a break from training to pack and visit their families before getting ready to leave. I wish I could have been with them all day but of course I couldn't stick Naiya with all the work when Rose is leaving her too. So we both went in to the store, got as much as needed done, and were able to close up early. The store will be closed today - half the sector knows someone leaving for the war, anyway.

Naiya insisted we all come over for dinner last night. I met Bear and Johnny at the apartment after work and we walked over together. It was fun to have everyone together once more before they left. Naiya had fixed a delicious meal and she talked all our ears off, trying to keep everyone's thoughts off the deployments. Later that night, after dinner, Bear gave each of our three friends a small envelope to take with them when they left.

He'd already shown me what was inside. He drew these incredible sketches to give our friends. I knew he sketched but I only ever saw more technical drawings, nothing like this. I was amazed to see what he's done. He's created pencil sketches of our group - or, caricatures of us; the drawing is stylized and they're not quite in proportion. Even so, it's pretty obvious who's who. Each one is a little different, but we're all there. Spinner and Rose, armed for battle. Johnny as a medic. I'm carrying my crossbow. The funny thing is that he hasn't put himself in them. He's drawn a literal bear instead. It's like his own private joke.

Spinner and Rose's sketches show the two of them together in the center. I'm with the bear to one side, Johnny on the other side. In Spinner's, it's a peaceful scene and the two of them look look sweet and happy together, but in Rose's, we're all armed and ready for battle. Even the bear is snarling. The picture for Johnny shows him as a medic, tending to an injured bear, which seems like a funny choice. In the background looking armed and dangerous, are the rest of us - even Marai. And with one hand on the kneeling medic's shoulder, is a figure who can only be Carlo. Bear told me he wasn't sure about including Carlo, but decided he needed to. I was surprised when I saw it, but I know it'll mean the world to Johnny.

It's nice that Bear gave them something to remember us by. He said the drawings will remind them of what they're coming home to. I wished I had something I could give them.

* * *

Before we leave for the train station, I pull Johnny aside. I talked to Bear a couple nights ago and he agreed it would be safe to tell Johnny who I really am. I feel like I owe it to him. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be here. I know Rose and Spinner would keep the secret too, but I don't like the idea of Rose having to lie to her mom, and I can't let the whole world know. So Johnny it is.

I'm not sure how to start. In my moment of hesitation, Johnny beats me to it. "I want you to have this," he tells me, pulling a chain from around his neck. Hanging from the chain is a piece of metal shaped into an abstract fish form.

"Johnny, no. C'mon." I say, but he pushes it into my hand.

"No. You have to keep it safe for me. While I'm gone," he insists. His face is serious.

I agree, "Okay, I will. I'll hang on to it until you come home. But I need to tell you something."

"No! You can't!" he says.

Exasperated, I try again. "Just listen for a minute, okay? I want you to know - "

He cuts me off again. "Maddie, don't tell me. I don't want to know anything that could hurt you."

I laugh weakly, thinking back to the day I met him, how he said we were both spies. "You're quite the spy you know.' I tease him. More seriously, I entreat him, "I want you to know the truth."

"No! I don't want to hear it," he argues. "If the Capitol captures me, I can't tell them anything I don't know. You can't tell me any secrets now. I'm not gonna listen."

I sigh. I really doubt that the Capitol would be that interested in getting secrets from a district four medic. But it's still sweet of him. "Okay fine. When you get home, then, okay? When we've won the war. For now, can I at least say Thank You? Thank you for everything, Johnny. You gave me your home. We're family now." I can feel the tears starting to gather in my eyes and I pull him into a hug, drawing a few shaky breaths.

When I let go of him, I swallow back what's left of my tears and tell him, "Take care of yourself Johnny. I'm gonna miss you."

As he goes to get his things, I look down at the chain folded in my palm. I can' t help but be sad that he is going. He's so young. It's not right that he goes off to war while we stay here. I'm going to worry about him every minute he's gone. All of them, really. I trace the metal pendant in my hand, wishing all the more I had something to give in return. With a sigh I loop the chain over my neck, tucking the fish symbol under my shirt, and rejoin my friends.

We're about to head out the door when I get the idea and run back to dig through my things. Sure enough, buried in the bottom of my drawer, I find my father's handkerchief, the one he gave me the last time I saw him. It's a plain white linen square with a red border. Daddy gave it to me when I left my family. I came here and thanks to Johnny I found a new home. I'm going to give it to him now.

The chilly, dreary day matches our somber mood as we walk together to the train station, bundled up against the cold. We wait together at the train station, talking about nothing in particular, until it's time for them to go. I try to be strong for them.

I hug Rose first. "I'm gonna miss you," I tell her, fighting the tears.

"We'll miss you too. Remember, if you need anything, just ask mom," she says.

"The Capitol's not going to know what hit them." I say, attempting a smile.

Next is Spinner. "Take care of yourself," I tell him, and kiss his cheek. I can't stop the tears any more and just let them roll down my face.

Spinner hugs me tightly and mutters conspiratorially, "Keep Bear out of trouble, okay? We'll be back before you know it." I nod, unable to answer him. By the time I get to Johnny, I'm a mess of tears myself. I hug him goodbye - giving him the handkerchief, telling him to stay safe.

It's hard to watch them get on that train. I couldn't even say who I'll miss more - they've all come to mean so much to me. Bear wraps his arms around me as we watch the rest of the soldiers board the train. We can't see our friends anymore, but we stay anyway, waiting and watching, until the train leaves the station. I'm completely deflated, watching the train pull away from us.

Back in the apartment, everything feels quiet and empty. We're both subdued, and we both know exactly how the other is feeling. Bear joins me on the couch, his brown eyes reflecting concern. I curl up next to him, leaning my head on his shoulder. His fingers trace my arm, eventually working their way up across my shoulder and to my neck. He pauses when they land on Johnny's chain, twisting it lightly in his hand."Johnny's?" he asks.

I tilt my head in a yes, and his fingers trace along the chain for a moment. The combination of the cold metal and his warm touch makes me shiver. I tell him, "He wouldn't let me tell him, you know. He thought it would put me in danger. He was so insistent."

"He doesn't want to let you down. You're like family to him," he says. _He's like family to me, too._ I think.

I answer, "All I want is for him - for all of them - to come home. The sooner the better."

"We'll get through this," he tells me. "The rebels are strong. They know what they're doing."

"I hope so," I say.

"Spinner's still got his communicuff. So we should be able to stay in touch," he says, trying to reassure me.

"Did they like the drawings?" I ask him.

"Think so," he says. "There's one for you, too, you know."

I look up at him. "Really?"

He smiles and with a shrug answers, "Figured I might as well."

When I unfold the small paper and see our group sketched out in front of me, it brings fresh tears to my eyes. It would no matter what, I'm sure, seeing his depictions of our friends again. But mine is different, too. For one thing, he included Mick in it, carrying fishing gear. What really surprises me is that he drew himself in it, instead of the bear he drew in the others. "I love it," I whisper, as the tears spill out of my eyes. I burrow into his chest, sobbing lightly. He runs his fingers through my hair until I lift my head, then kisses my forehead and holds me in his arms. He's right that we'll get through this. Somehow together we will find our way.


	30. Provisions

**A/n: Thanks for reading :)**

* * *

Naiya and I have been ridiculously busy trying to keep the provisions sites up and running with our now limited group of workers. Several sites lost personnel who went to the Capitol, including Sasha from our own site. Typically only one of us will be able to help Tad with our local distribution. Fortunately he's been doing a great job of getting provisions out and keeping inventory up to date. That's been one of our biggest issues with our new limitations - balancing the distribution with the inventory and administration work.

"I don't know what we can do," I tell Naiya. "We can't keep up with everything. We have to find a way to cut back." I look hopelessly over our spreadsheets, which only make it clear that we can't keep things going at the same pace. And yet there are plenty of hungry mouths that we still need to get food too. I thought it would balance out, with so many soldiers leaving for the Capitol, but it feels like there are just as many households as before, though fewer people. We at least have the inventory needed for the smaller population, but it doesn't lessen the work on the distribution end.

Naiya sighs. I know she's exhausted. The twins are back in sector three, where more extended family can help take care of them, but she goes to visit them whenever she can. It puts a strain on her, as if it weren't enough to have Rose in the war and work to be done, But Naiya is strong. I wish I were as strong as she is.

"Honey I think you're right, there's just no way to keep all this going. I hate to do it, but we need to cut back. It's the only way. I don't think we can close any stores though. We can't put that kind of strain on these families. It's hard enough for some of them as it is." She stifles a yawn and takes a moment to stretch out her neck, which is probably stiffer than mine considering how long she's been sitting here. The feeling is contagious and I bring my hands to my face to block a yawn, giving Naiya a sheepish look.

Her attention is back on her tablet as she ruminates, "But I think we can cut hours. If distribution only happens 3 days a week, we'll have more time to handle inventory and everything else. With the trains running we're only getting shipments once a week as it is so there's no point trying to run distribution every day. I think all the sites can handle the volume ... except maybe the one closest to command. That'll just have to stay on the current schedule, there are too many people to cut back hours. But we'll find a way to make it work. Maybe there's someone we can shift to that site so they have more help. What do you think honey?"

"It's the best option we have. I guess we should map it out and see how things settle?"

In response, Naiya gets straight to work to create a new schedule, so we can map out the next week under her suggestion. It takes another hour to get a working schedule in place, but by the end, we're both convinced it's the right way to go. It's been a long day, but at least we have a plan to move forward now, that will hopefully keep the system running without taxing everyone involved so harshly. I walk with Naiya until we reach her apartment, since it's close to the store anyway, before saying goodnight and heading back home. On the way, I suggest she come over tomorrow night to visit, since I know she hates the quiet of her empty apartment. She won't be visiting the twins for another few days, when she'll catch a ride with a provisions truck when the next train comes through. I hate to think of her alone under these circumstances - it's hard enough for me and I've got Bear waiting for me.

By the time I get home, it's dark and I'm dead on my feet. Even so, I'm interrogating Bear the minute I'm through the door. "Any message?" He knows I mean on the communicuffs. Having access to them is both a blessing and a curse. I don't have one, but Bear still has his and Naiya has one for the provisions work. Spinner has managed to hang on to his and sends a message back to Bear each night. It's great to be able to hear from him, but every night is tense until we get that message. We both breathe easier after his message comes through. It hardly matters what he sends, just that he sends it.

Bear answers simply, "They're good," tossing his communicuff in my direction. Today's message makes things sound boring. _All's well. Tunnel cleared._ That's the whole message. I know Spinner means one of the underground tunnels to the Capitol. When they first shipped out, they were based on the far side of the mountains protecting the Capitol. A couple propos have shown some of the battles involved in gaining access and control of the tunnels into the Capitol. There are shots of ground combat with rebel troops fighting hoards of Peacekeepers, but usually showing rebels winning out and gaining ground. That fact alone has made Bear & I a bit cynical about the broadcasts. They're almost as bad as the Capitol when it comes to showing just the things which support what they want to believe. A few days ago, Spinner had reported how rough a time they were having and how heavy the losses were among the rebels. The broadcasts haven't let on how dire it's been at times.

Still, it's a relief, both that our friends are okay and that the rebel forces are making progress against the Capitol. Absorbing the message I say, "Think we'll get details in tomorrow's broadcasts?"

"Some of them anyway," Bear responds with a hint of skepticism. "How's provisions?"

"Alright. We're cutting back. We'll try distributions three days a week, see how it goes." I pull off my jacket and fall onto the couch next to Bear, who wraps an arm around me. He's probably been up awhile, considering how late I am, so I ask, "Anything good in the broadcasts?"

He shakes his head. "Nah, same stuff. Rebels versus Peacekeepers, rebels win again. You'd think we'd have troops at the President's mansion by now, given the propos. Nothing new on the victors, either." While answering, he reaches across to the table, brings back a sandwich, and hands it to me.

I sigh. "Oh - Naiya and I grabbed a bite while we worked. I'm sorry." Bear shrugs it off though, setting it back down and saying, "Eh, don't worry, I'll eat it later."

Appreciating his thoughtfulness, I stretch up to plant a kiss on his cheek. He sees me coming and sort of waits for it, watching me out of the corner of his eye. Then he turns his head to me, his lips grazing mine, and kisses me in return. I let out a sigh in response, allowing the worries from today to blissfully melt into the background for a moment. Bear pulls away with a low laugh, and it takes me a few seconds before I open my eyes to look at him questioningly. "You're exhausted, aren't you?" He's right, and I guess it shows. "Sorry," I tell him.

"You've been working too hard. Get some sleep," he answers. "I'm sure things will get easier with your new schedule." I nod and give him a kiss goodnight before heading back to the bedroom.

Tonight I'm so tired my head hardly hits the pillow before I'm dead to the world. We both use the bed now, typically treating the bedroom as the place for alone time. We each take our shift and rarely go in the bedroom if the other is there at all. We keep our cuddling to the couch, and we haven't done anything more than lay together and kiss. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with anything more than kissing yet, and I know Bear won't pressure me. We haven't talked about it either, the kissing or the one person at a time bedroom policy. Our unspoken arrangement evolved on its own.

Bear still stays up late working. I guess he's just used to working nights, and what difference does it make. He's always up by the time I get home. Usually we spend the evening glued to the broadcasts, before I eventually turn in and he gets to work. Not much is happening here in district four. There's still a lot of damage in the district, but that won't change any time soon. On top of his other work, Bear is helping develop maps of the district that detail the damages, the areas the rebels are actively using, and unused spaces and resources. Hopefully, when the war ends, they'll facilitate the rebuilding work still needed in the district. It's hard to imagine the world after the war. I've only ever known President Snow's tyrrany. It seems inevitable now that the rebels will eventually win this war. We have control of all the districts, all the necessary resources the Capitol needs to survive. I often wonder how the rebels are preparing for after the war. We all have such high hopes for a new government, but who knows how it will work, or what will really happen. Only time will tell what happens to Panem, even if we do win.

The days run together, but over the next few days Naiya and I get everything in place for our new distribution schedule. We post information about it at all the stores, mention it to everyone who comes in to the sites, we even have the district news updates include information on our new schedule. We meet every morning. We break up the work, each spending some time at our local store and some time working with the other sites and our distribution network. By the end of the week, we're able to switch over to our three day a week distribution schedule. Naiya and I both push hard to make the transition as easy as possible, hoping that next week we'll both be less exhausted, able to pace ourselves better for the provisions work through the sector.


	31. Waiting

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoy this installment.**

* * *

It takes some time adjusting to our new schedule for provisions. On the third day, we have a busy day with distribution at the local site, but it runs surprisingly smoothly and we don't even need to stay late. When we close up at the end of the day, we can actually relax knowing we will be able to catch up on the other work tomorrow. I take provisions for me and Bear home with me to restock the kitchen.

When I get home Bear isn't around. At first I assume he's asleep, but after I cook some fish and heat up some canned vegetables he still hasn't appeared, so I head toward the bedroom to see if he is there. After a few tentative knocks, I call to him through the door, "Bear? You in there?" and knock a little louder, but there's still no answer. Tentatively I peek in to the room. It's dark, and it takes a moment to determine that he's not there. Where is he?

I try not to worry. It's not like District 4 is an active war zone. I eat my dinner and watch the broadcasts, keeping an eye out for any familiar faces but seeing none. Watching the rebel reporters talk about the preparations to move troops further into the Capitol doesn't improve my mood. Finally I hear the door open and Bear bursts into the apartment, breathless.

"Are you okay?" I ask, running over. He looks fine, although he's not dressed for the brisk night and under a light jacket his shirt is soaked in sweat. I've been waiting so long I'd practically convinced myself something terrible had happened.

"I'm fine. Really. I'm sorry, I lost track of time." He answers, setting down a small backpack to hug me.

"I was so scared. I know it's stupid…"

"Hey, no it's not. I should have left a note or something. I didn't think I'd be gone so long."

I kiss him, sliding my arms inside the open front of his jacket and pressing my hands … on his damp, sweaty shirt. I wrinkle my nose and jerk my hands back. "Maybe you should clean up." I tell him. He smirks at me. "I will, but is there any dinner left? I'm starving."

I want to ask him about where he's been, but I also want to let him eat and get cleaned up. At the rate he's gulping down the food left over from earlier, he must be hungry. He must have been been running because he wasn't cold when he got here, but now that he's sitting still I bet that damp shirt is cooling him off pretty quickly. I force myself to let him eat.

After his late dinner, he heads down the hall to get out of his sweaty clothes and shower. I can hear the thuds of the bedroom and bathroom doors closing in turn as I watch the broadcasts which seem to be in repeats. There's nothing new being reported, and I realize I still don't know if Spinner sent a message today. I was so relieved to see Bear I forgot to even ask him. Since Bear didn't say anything, chances are he got a message and everything is fine, but it would be nice to know for sure. Once the idea is in my head, it won't leave, and I decide to check the bedroom to see if Bear left the communicuff in there. Bear's clothes are strewn across the floor. Rolling my eyes, I pick it up piece by piece and throw it in a neater pile. Then I get to his underwear. I just kind of stare at it without even meaning to, embarrassed even though he's not even here. Instead of adding them to the pile, I throw all the other clothes on top of them. The communicuff, I remind myself. It wasn't with any of the clothes, so I think maybe he set it by the bed. I'm just spinning around to check when the door opens and unconsciously I look toward it and get a glimpse of Bear in the doorway before he sees me. He's naked except for a towel around his waist. He almost immediately steps back into the hall, swinging the door most of the way shut behind him. "Sorry! Didn't know you were in there," he calls, humor evident in his voice.

The image of Bear in the towel, water dripping from his hair, is still front and center in my mind. I didn't even hear the shower stop running. Come to think of it I guess you can't really hear it from in here. I look around the room frantically, as if for something to hide under. "No! Uhh … it's okay … Sorry … I was just uhh, looking for the communicuff. I just wanted to check … "

"Oh. I think it's on the table by the bed. Spinner messaged earlier," he tells me. Now that I'm looking in the right place, I spot the communicuff immediately. I wonder why I didn't think to just check there first. It's really pointless now, since Bear just told me he got a message from Spinner already, but I pick up the device.

"Uhh, yeah. Thanks. I'll just, ummm. I'll get out of here so you can .. you know. Is it, uhh, is it okay …"

I can hear his laugh through the door. "Coast is clear. Go ahead."

Holding the communicuff in one hand, I pull the door open, carefully averting my eyes to the floor and toward the front room as I hastily beat a retreat. Mortified, I wait on the couch while he gets dressed. I don't even know why I'm so embarrassed. It just brought home to me how it's just us here now. Usually Bear showers or changes clothes while I'm out, which now that I think about it is nice because I haven't had to deal with feeling this before. Sitting out here knowing that he is here in the apartment, that it's just him and me, and he is in a bedroom that we share, sort of, and he is completely naked. With Bear, those kinds of thoughts half thrill me and half scare me. Bear might not think anything of it, but I don't think I can deal with that, not yet anyway.

When I first came to four, anytime I showered I was extremely aware of being naked in an apartment full of guys. Even with Marai, it was definitely not something my father ever envisioned as part of his plan. I always took my clothes in the bathroom with me and changed there. I even locked the door just in case. Not that I thought any of them would come in intentionally - I was just being cautious. I still do that, but it's more form habit than anything else. And there have been a few times when I've forgotten something and gone scurrying across the hall in just a towel.

I try to distract myself reading Spinner's message, but all he sent was "DESTROYING PODS. NO NEWS." We've heard a little about the pods that have turned the Capitol into a psychotic obstacle course. The rebels have information on locations of at least some of them, but apparently it's still slow going pushing into the Capitol. At least they're safe. Bear comes back out to the front room fully dressed in flannel pajama bottoms and a plain gray t-shirt. "Are you okay?" he asks me, smirking. "Thanks for not laughing. I don't think my self-esteem could take it."

I can't help but smile at that, rolling my eyes at him.

"Look," he says. "I didn't mean to ..."

"I know," I sigh. "It's my fault. I know I'm being stupid."

"Hey, don't talk about my girlfriend that way," he teases me, nudging me with an elbow. "Seriously. It's not stupid."

I still don't want to talk about it, so I try to see if he'll let me change the topic. "So where did you go today anyway?"

Bear laughs. "I do leave the apartment you know."

I flush, embarrassed. "I know." Well, not really, but of course he does. I just hadn't thought about it because he's always here when I am.

"I went for a run, that's all. I was just going to get some air. But I ran into a few of Spinner's friends by the school."

"You went for a run? It's so cold out."

"Doesn't bother me. I'm not gonna stay cooped up in here all winter. Anyway it turns out some of those musicians are sort of using the school as a place to play."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It makes sense - It's indoors and sheltered, big enough for whoever wants to come, and it's not being used for anything else right now. So why not?"

"They aren't using the school at all? So are all the kids just staying at home? I know Rose's siblings are in sector 3 but …"

"What? No - Not all the schools are empty, in fact I think most are still open. This is one of a few they shut down, because it was in the middle of the battle over the district. There are other schools for the kids to go to though. Most of the schools still have classes, at least what they can manage. Anyway, I thought you might want to go watch them play sometime so I stayed to find out where and when they usually meet up."

"That sounds nice," I tell him. It would be a good change of pace for us, to get out and do something other than watch the war broadcasts.

It's a few nights later that we walk down to the school together and find a group of musicians improvising together in the large room where the wedding celebration took place. It's really interesting to hear the way they can play off of each other and add new twists to the music as they go. There are a few other people listening along with us, mostly friends of the musicians. A few of them turn out to be musicians themselves; every once in a while an instrument will get passed into new hands. It's fun, but after awhile my mind wanders to this big empty building we're in. Eventually, I nudge Bear and quietly ask him, "Want to explore a little?" He looks at me quizzically, so I smile encouragingly and twitch my head toward the door. Bear shrugs in agreement and we quietly sneak out, Bear waving goodbyes to a few people he knows. The hallway is dark, but we brought a flashlight for the walk home anyway, so I snap it on and flick the beam of light down the hall. I take Bear's hand in mine. He asks me, "You want to explore the school?"

"Yeah," I whisper, "who knows what's in here." Giggling, I pull him down the hall. Down the hall, he ushers me into a dark, empty classroom. I walk up and down the rows of desks, shining the flashlight around to study the room, mentally comparing it to the school in district 12. All my classrooms were bare and utilitarian. Here, it's mostly the same basic components, though things seem a little newer and nicer. Of course, here there's a fishing theme instead of a mining theme, which means that any posters on the walls are more interesting and colorful, at least to me.

"We could turn on the lights," Bear tells me from where he's leaning against the teacher's desk at the front of the classroom. I roll my eyes even though he can't see it. His arms are crossed casually across his chest as he watches me wandering around the classroom.

"What would be the fun in that?" I tease him back.

When I'm done exploring the room, we continue down the hall and poke our heads into each unlocked door. Most of the rooms are classrooms, similar to the one I explored more thoroughly. Until I glance into one room and let out a gasp of delight. Bear is at a door across the hall, and immediately turns. "What?"

"There's a piano in here." I say, almost to myself. I go into the room and right up to it, but then just stand there, disbelieving. It's an old upright piano. I'm almost afraid to touch it.

Bear comes through the doorway behind me, asking, "What? Why would there be a piano?" He flicks on the lights, blinding me until my eyes can adjust, and I reach out to balance myself.

"I don't know. We had one in our school, though. They used it for music assembly. You probably have something like that here too, right?" My fingertips rest on the wooden ledge in front of the keys. I can't bring myself to touch the keys.

"Huh. Yeah, I guess. We didn't have a piano at my school, but we had music assembly. To be honest I never paid much attention," Bear tells me. "So, you like pianos or something?"

I jerk my head around in surprise, before the realization dawns on me that the piano just hasn't come up before. "I play - or, I did. We had one in my house growing up. My dad used to play, before he became Mayor. I hardly ever saw him play it - he was always so busy, and my mom's headaches... well anyway, he insisted I learn."

Bear grins, and pulls a couple of chairs over in front of the piano. "Well," he says, "what are you waiting for?"

* * *

**A/N: Apologies for any typos! You didn't think Madge was going to make it all the way through the war without finding a piano did you? Let me know what you think.**


	32. Love and Loss

**A/N: Thanks for reading. :) All credit for the main HG story goes to Suzanne Collins of course.  
**

* * *

Tentatively I test out a few chords on the aged, yellowed keys of the upright. Bear smiles encouragingly and takes the further of the chairs, nodding for me to take the closer chair. My mind is racing through the possibilities, all the songs I know by heart. I finally settle on an ancient composition in A minor, one that I have been learning pieces of for many years, one that I have returned to again and again. My fingers begin with the light, enticing notes that open the piece.

I learned this first section long ago, and the sounds from the piano feel like an old friend. I can still remember struggling with the left hand arpeggios, when I was first learning it. I get lost in the music, the notes flowing from my fingers. As I begin the second theme, more memories of sitting at the piano in my old home trickle into my thoughts.

I'm completely absorbed in playing. I have never mastered the entire piece; much of it is still beyond my capabilities as a pianist. The piano is only slightly out of tune, better than I expected, except for a couple of sour notes that make me pause. One of the accidentals is completely soundless. None of that matters. Memories of my home and my family flood my mind as I play through the false notes, loop back through the familiar first section. I slow down as I approach the end of the song as I've always played it. It's not until the last few notes have resonated through the empty room that I realize I have tears streaking my cheeks. Suddenly self-conscious, I wipe them away with the back of my hand.

I feel Bear's warm hand on my arm. "Hey! You okay?" he asks.

"Sorry!" I squeak. He slides his chair up to mine and wraps him arms around me. I let his warmth envelope me and take hold of his arm, something to hold on to in the here and now.

His lips brush against my ear and press into my hair. "Thinking of home?" he asks me gently. I take a deep breath and slowly let it out. "It was ... beautiful."

"Thanks," I sigh.

"I mean it. You're really good, you know."

I smile at the compliment, but roll my eyes at the same time. He doesn't have any basis for comparison. Anything would probably sounds good to him. And with the tuning issues on the piano, it couldn't have sounded that good. The song doesn't mean anything to him. "I'm alright," I demur.

He brushes my hair over my right shoulder and kisses my neck. The corner of my mouth twists up more at the warm shivers the touch of his lips sends through my sensitive skin. Reflexively I tilt my head in, blocking his next kiss. Tilting his mouth up to my ear, he murmurs, "You want to keep playing?"

I hadn't meant to put a stop to the kissing, but I answer truthfully. "Kind of," I sigh. "I don't think I should though. I didn't realize … the memories."

After a pause Bear breaks the silence. He loosens his grip on my waist and answers, "It's got to be late. We should probably get home anyway." He doesn't sound happy at the idea, and I'm surprised he suggests it - a minute ago he definitely wasn't thinking about how late it is. Neither was I. Reluctantly I agree.

I'm not sure about what just happened. I would have been happy kissing Bear all night, but instead we're walking out into the darkened street. It was amazing to play again – but I hadn't thought to expect the rush of memories that accompanied the music, the images of my old life. I didn't think I could deal with more of that so quickly. I can come back to play another time, when I'm more mentally prepared for those memories.

A glance at his face suggests he's feeling as deflated as I am. It's no wonder, considering he just saw me go from elated at seeing a piano to crying after playing it. I feel like something's wrong with me. I'm always crying on his shoulder, he's got to be so sick of it. All my random crying can't be attractive. I want to apologize but I don't really want to bring it up again. A small part of me wishes we'd never found the piano, just because it was such a change from the rest of our night ... maybe we would have just found more empty classrooms. We'd probably still be there, having found each other's lips too tempting in some secluded corner of the school building.

Back in the apartment, Bear crashes onto the couch. Tentatively I sit beside him. "Thanks for tonight. It was really fun – before my little breakdown," I tell him. "I'm sorry I ..."

"No, it's fine," he cuts me off, looking down at his hands. "I get it."

I loop my hand around the nape of his neck and slide my fingers into his hair with a sneaky smile. "Our _date_ was a lot of _fun_," I repeat. "Maybe we can pick up where we left off?" I lean over and brush my lips over his mouth and jaw teasingly before kissing him.

Tonight, when his hands slide under the hem of my shirt, I sit up and pull it off over my head. My heart races as his fingers trace across my skin, following the shoulder strap and freeing the clasp at my back. As we tangle together on the couch, I feel the still-strange pressure of his arousal through our layers of clothing, but he doesn't move to take things any further. His touch is seared into my mind, fervent kisses tempered by gentle caresses.

* * *

I meet Naiya at her place the afternoon before the next supply train comes through. We get through all of our spreadsheets pretty quickly – things have been running pretty smoothly for us recently. Soon Naiya is on the topic of the war. "I am just so worried for Rose. And the others, too, honey. But you know she's still my little girl and it is just so hard for me to think about her out there in the middle of everything we see in the broadcasts. It all seems to run together these days don't you think? How can we even tell if they're making any progress? I don't care if it's hoards of peacekeepers or empty streets with all those nasty booby traps, I just don't like it. And must they always show the victors? Sure, we all know them. I know they're the face of the rebellion but still … I'm sorry Maddie I shouldn't go on like this. I know you're worried about your friends too. What would we do without those communicuffs? I hate to think of all the other families, who don't get any word. It must be nerve wracking not knowing anything, don't you think?"

I agree with a nod, but Naiya and I both know that our communicuffs bring their own worries – waiting each day for those messages. There have been a couple of times when we haven't gotten a message, and the fear that something had happened was almost too much. Before they left, Spinner was insistent that we had to remember, if we didn't get messages it didn't necessarily mean anything. There were plenty of reasons they might not be able to communicate with us and we shouldn't assume the worst. We all knew he was right but that didn't make it any easier when a message didn't come through.

The first time it happened, I think Naiya and I had both been a wreck. After a long night, Bear had sent me to bed, but I'd been devastated in the morning when there was still no word. But even though I had had Bear to keep me sane and Naiya had been dealing with it alone, by the time she and I were together the next day, still waiting for a message, she was the one who wound up comforting me. I can still remember her going on and on about how we couldn't rely on those messages and we had to have faith that they would come home. I don't know how she did it but somehow she calmed me down. That night, we'd had another message, and I knew she had been right. From then on, I'd thought of her any time a message had failed to come.

Tonight, Bear knows I might stay with Naiya for awhile after we're done with work. We're getting into the habit of having dinner together and watching the broadcasts, when we have these meetings. Lately the propos have been showing Katniss, Finnick and Gale, along with some others, shooting on the empty streets of the Capitol. It still seems like we have the momentum in the war. But it's hard watching them, fighting a seemingly abandoned city. Naiya has a tendency to talk through the broadcasts anyway so at least that's a distraction. I'm helping her with the dishes when the usual broadcast is interrupted by a feed from the Capitol. We both hear the anthem before we see anything, and a look of worry passes between us. We haven't seen a broadcast from the Capitol in over a week. Whatever they're broadcasting can't be good. We sit in front of the screen and clasp our hands together, bracing ourselves for bad news.

As the anthem ends, the screen shows a Capitol reporter on a rooftop somewhere in the Capitol, surrounded by Peacekeepers. A city block is burning in the background. At first I'm relieved, because a burning building in the Capitol doesn't seem like it could be anything that bad for the rebels. We can see firefighters spraying thick streams of water, trying to quell the flames. Then the reporter announces that she is live on the scene to report the death of the so-called Mockingjay, Katniss Everdeen. In fact, the reporter announces the death of her whole squad – naming Katniss, Peeta, Finnick, Gale and someone else, a name I don't know.

"Oh for all that is good in Panem," Naiya whispers shakily. Our hands stay linked, our eyes can't be torn from the screen. The breath has been stolen from me.

They show footage of their last minutes alive. Katniss, crouched beside another member of their squad. Gale. Peeta. It's a chaotic scene and I can't make sense of what's going on. Someone calls for retreat but a geyser of some kind of dark liquid is filling the street and blocking them in. Gale and another soldier shooting. An explosion. Some kind of scuffle among the squad. One of them goes sailing through the air and before we know it, is trapped in some kind of net-like trap. Gale is shooting at the trap as the others pull each other into the building, Peeta struggling against two others. None of it makes any sense to me. They show Peacekeepers line the roof across from the building the rebels took refuge in. They launch bombs into the building, and a series of explosions level it to dust and rubble.

As Naiya and I sit in shock, there's a montage of Katniss becoming the Mockingjay, and then back to Capitol reporters who repeat the Capitol report of Katniss' death. They show pictures of some of the others, including Peeta and Gale. At some point they introduce an announcement from President Snow. Hate fills me as we hear the President congratulating his Peacekeepers, for so effectively removing the leaders of the rebels. I choke back tears as he calls Katniss nothing but an unstable girl who likes to shoot arrows.

The bleak anguish at the death of my friends, the hot anger at Snow's evil, both are swallowed by fear at the sound of a fist pounding at the door.

* * *

**A/N: Madge was playing Beethoven's Bagatelle No. 25 - also known as Fur Elise. (And an "accidental" is one of the black keys on a piano).**


	33. Tributes to the Victors

**A/N: Thanks to Belle453 for her help! Some pieces of text (speeches in the broadcasts) are taken straight from Canon and are the work of Suzanne Collins.**

* * *

Before Naiya or I can react, a strained voice calls from the hall, "Maddie! It's me!"

Naiya lets out her breath, and I'm equally relieved when I recognize Bear's voice. I call back, "Hold on, I'm coming ..." and rush to the door to let him in. He pulls me into the hallway and hugs me.

"I'm so sorry ..." he tells me. I think he must have run over here as soon as he saw the announcement about Katniss. It's terrible news, and of course I'm feeling completely lost, but so far I've been holding myself together fairly well. That, or I'm just in shock. I'm tempted now to break down, but I don't let myself. "Thanks for coming," I tell him. I steel myself to face the broadcast and lead him into the apartment. When we get back into Naiya's living room, there's a new figure on the screen.

"Rebels broke in," Naiya says distractedly, glancing briefly to us before returning her attention to the screen, where an older woman with impeccably straight shoulder length gray hair and steely gray eyes - eyes almost colorless, much lighter than Seam gray - is praising Katniss' contributions to the rebellion. Its obvious they're not disputing the Capitol's claims that she and the others are dead.

"Who's that?" Bear asks.

Naiya answers with a sniff, "That is - well, apparently she's the president of District Thirteen. Who even knew they had a president? But then I never even thought about district 13's government before, why would I? I think she said her name is Coin, but I'm not real sure. She says she's been leading the rebellion. It makes sense, I guess. We knew district thirteen was involved in the Victor's escape during the Quell. Oh, can you believe they've killed Finnick? It's so sad. After everything he'd been through, and just married, I don't see why he had to be on the front lines after everything he's done. The whole squadron dead. Of course we all knew we wouldn't just march into the Capitol and take over, but to see it in the broadcast ... I guess I got used to the rebel broadcasts always showing the positive side. We knew it wasn't all so happy, but what a loss. Finnick gone, and those two babies from district 12. You know the rebels will rally around our fallen victors though. President Snow can say whatever he wants, but our troops won't back down now. I know my Rose and if anything this will only make her fight harder."

President Coin continues her big speech, so I turn my attention back to see what she has to say. After more praise for the Mockingjay and for the districts uniting under her, she seems to be drawing to a close. "If ever you waver in your resolve," she pronounces, "think of the Mockingjay, and in her you will find the strength you need to rid Panem of its oppressors." Then a fake-looking picture of Katniss in front of flickering flames fills the screen.

With that, the rebels turn the broadcast back to the Capitol, and President Snow is back on screen. His anger is evident but he rebuts Coin's eloquent speech, starkly declaring, "Tomorrow morning, when we pull Katniss Everdeen's body from the ashes, we will see exactly who the Mockingjay is. A dead girl who could save no one, not even herself." They close the broadcast playing the anthem with the Seal of Panem on screen.

"They act like no one cares about the others," I say softly, knowing Naiya and Bear will be thinking of Finnick, though my thoughts are on Peeta and Gale.

Naiya answers with a sigh, "Well honey, outside district 4 and .. well I guess district 13, they're probably right. Who else knows any of the others, really? Sure, people know the victors, but the rebels have been putting their Mockingjay front and center from the start. It's only natural they focus on her now. It's such a shame though. Finnick gone and hardly a word said in his honor. I'm sure the district rebels will plan something though, if they're able. Everyone would want to pay their respects, don't you think so?"

"Of course," I tell her.

Turning her attention to Bear Naiya says, "It's sweet of you to come Barend. Maddie tells me - what?" She stops mid-sentence, looking at him.

I twist to look at Bear, eyebrows raised in surprise and amusement, and the glowering look he's giving Naiya is redirected to me. "Don't." he threatens.

I can't help it though. "Barend?"

He sighs with such exasperation it sounds like a growl, and shrugs. Grudgingly he explains, "family name. It means Bear, it sounds like Bear." Turning to Naiya he asks with mock anger, "Where did you even hear that?"

Naiya laughs, "Oh honey, Spinner let it slip sometime. Rose was asking him about it. I don't think he wanted to tell her, but she could tell he was hiding something and my Rose sure can be persistent. She just wouldn't let him be until he told her, though he did swear her to secrecy first. I just happened to be around to witness it. Besides I think it suits you. You're not an animal, you know. You can't expect me to call you Bear, really. It's not a proper name."

He gripes, "I should have known swearing _him _to secrecy wasn't enough."

I take his hand and with a smirk say, "I guess you're just going to have to live with us knowing too." I can't believe I didn't know. I'm pretty sure I asked him something - like what kind of a name Bear was, but that was so long ago, soon after I came to district four, and I think he just distracted me by asking about my own name, Maddie, which I probably replied to defensively. It's cute, him getting all defensive about it. I smother a giggle at the look on his face.

"So what did I miss? I headed over as soon as the initial report was broadcast," Bear asks, blatantly trying to change the topic. I really didn't need the reminder of why he rushed over in the first place though. Remembering my dead friends, I push away the urge to cry. I won't let this be about me; we've all lost something today.

"Honey I tell you, I wish I hadn't seen it," Naiya answers. "They showed the whole squad out on some street in the Capitol. They had to take refuge in a building, from some strange goo that filled the street, another of those booby traps - then Peacekeepers throwing bombs that blew up the entire building. Well I guess they've got to wait for the fires to die before they can recover any bodies. The Capitol had footage about the Mockingjay and what she's done with the rebels. Then President Snow's speech, well you could just hear it in his voice, that evil man taking so much pleasure in her death. He's had her in his sights ever since her first games and now I guess he's got her." A few stray tears roll down her cheek and her voice cracks a bit as she goes on, "Well I guess that's what you missed. The district 13 woman had just come on after Maddie went to let you in. They showed photos of everyone killed, I guess, that was earlier though. I know it's a war but it's still so sad to see all that ..."

"How many were killed?" Bear asks.

I think back to the reports and mostly to the video they showed of the squadron on the street. Naiya speaks up before I can find an answer. "Twelve, I think. I didn't know all of them. Just Finnick, and Katniss and Peeta of course. There was that cousin of hers and another guy that's been in the Mockingjay broadcasts. The other ... I think there were eight more, but I didn't even hear their names. Maybe the Capitol doesn't know who they are either. Could that be? I suppose if they were soldiers from 13, the Capitol wouldn't know them. I don't know that they were from 13, they could be from anywhere I guess."

I nod. "That sounds right. Finnick, Katniss, Peeta and Gale. There were two dead on the street. Then the guy Katniss was crouched beside? And four others? Maybe the rebels will air a tribute."

"Poor Annie. They were just married," Bear murmurs, his eyes wet.

We talk for awhile longer, eventually drifting off the topic of the fallen victors. We're all waiting for another broadcast, but none comes.

"You two have kept me up long past my bedtime, and we have a busy day tomorrow don't we Maddie. I'm gonna have to put an end to our little party. You're welcome to stay here if you want, though I'd have to insist you slept in different rooms," Naiya tells us. A little embarrassed, I smile, ready to tell her that's fine, but wondering if Bear wants to head home.

Bear answers quickly, "We don't sleep together at home ... I mean, in the same room, not ... you know. Which we also, do not do! What I mean is," he says with a quick glance my way, clearly flustered, "we wouldn't expect anything else. I'm sure Maddie would like to stay. Besides, I won't sleep anyway. I brought my tablet just in case, so I'll probably just get some work done. You two should get some sleep though. I'll let you know if anything happens."

I give Bear a kiss goodnight and whisper, "Goodnight _Barend,_" earning a glare from him before Naiya shows me to a bedroom. "He's not going to sneak in here as soon as I turn my back, is he?" she asks me. I reassure her that he won't. He doesn't sneak into the bedroom at home, so he's definitely not going to do it here.

In the morning I hurry out to the living room to find Bear, even though I know he would have woken me if something happened. He confirms there's been nothing more broadcast, but expects there will be a broadcast paying tribute to the fallen victors if nothing else today. We agree the Capitol will probably broadcast again after they recover the bodies.

"I met Finnick once," Bear says quietly. "And Annie. During the tour after my sister's games. You know how they expect the families to be front and center. I didn't want to meet him, I wanted to hate them all, but he was ... kind. I'll always remember it." I don't know what to say.

Later I admit to him, "I used to have a crush on Gale."

When Naiya and I head out to handle the incoming supplies, Bear heads home. I think we all want to stay and keep watch for the next broadcast, but Naiya and I have far too much to do today. We manage to get through the day, despite a few workers not turning up to their provisions sites. Luckily it only happens at sites with multiple people scheduled, so there's someone available at each store. Whenever we get the chance we ask about the broadcasts but no one has any news, except one person who's heard that district 4 is prepping a tribute to Finnick but hasn't aired it yet. After a busy day, I head home to find Bear asleep on the couch in front of the television. I wake him up and he tells me he stayed up watching for any new broadcasts, but none came.

In the evening, there's a report from district four rebels. A district reporter is on screen, announcing that the district will air a memorial broadcast to Finnick Odair following the news report. First, recent footage aired in the Capitol has provided new information on the Mockingjay squad deaths. The reporter says that the Capitol is offering bounties to their citizens for information leading to the capture of five of the Mockingjay squad members, now reported to still be at large in the Capitol. Those five, who are believed to have survived yesterday's bombing, are shown in photos as their names are announced: Mockingjay Katniss Everdeen, Peeta Mellark, Gale Hawthorne, a young Capitol woman named Cressida Halloway, and a burly bearded man by the name of Pollux Ledakind.

Bear and I stare first at the screen, then at each other, in shock. I wonder if it can really be true. Then he grins at me. Squealing I throw my arms around him. "I can't believe it," I gasp. Bear pulls me off the couch and squeezes his arms around me, spinning me around him. Eventually we fall back on the couch, laughing.

Neither of us can believe it. I'm so relieved, to think that they have actually survived, that they are still out there somewhere. Bear is glad too, though I think it's mostly for my sake. "You sure you're not just glad your other boyfriend is still alive?" he teases me.

I shove him good-naturedly, telling him, "Shut up." I give him a quick kiss, because I just can't resist. I know he's just teasing me. "I wish Finnick had made it though." He nods sadly.

When the memorial to Finnick comes on, we watch somberly the footage gathered of Finnick as a tribute, as a Victor and mentor, back in the arena for the Quell, and finally as a rebel soldier. The rebels don't leave out Snow's abuse of Finnick, selling his favors to Capitol aristocrats. More than anything else, we can feel Finnick's strength to battle through everything he suffered at Snow's hand. It reminds me of what Katniss has gone through in just the last year and a half. I'm glad that, wherever she is, she's still fighting. And I'm glad she has Peeta and Gale; I know she can trust them no matter what happens.

With everything else going on, I don't even think to ask Bear if Spinner has been in contact.

* * *

**A/N: Barend is a german name that means Bear. Thanks Annie for Bear meeting Finnick.**

**FYI Finnick has died by the time this last broadcast airs. We know from Tigris that there weren't any broadcasts in the Capitol from the rebels after they realize Katniss & co. are still alive. So I'm assuming there aren't any earlier ones in the districts either - the rebels in 13 probably planned to air something but were thrown when they learned the squad wasn't dead. However, the broadcasts in the Capitol eventually identify the 5 still alive. Here I have the rebels in 4 reporting from that information, so presumably nobody in district 4 knows (yet) that Finnick didn't die until the mutts in the underground (which happened the same day as the second half of this chapter).**

**Text quoted directly from Mockingjay:**  
(Coin:) "If ever you waver in your resolve, think of the Mockingjay, and in her you will find the strength you need to rid Panem of its oppressors."  
(Snow:) "Tomorrow morning, when we pull Katniss Everdeen's body from the ashes, we will see exactly who the Mockingjay is. A dead girl who could save no one, not even herself."


	34. War in the Capitol

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please review. :) **

**Most of what appears in the broadcasts comes from Canon and is the work of Suzanne Collins.**

**Apologies, hopefully temporary, for the strange spaces that have appeared in the text. Apparently having some formatting issues, hoping to get it resolved soon.**

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I'm woken by a soft knocking on the bedroom door. "What?" I grumble from under the blanket.

"There's a broadcast. Thought you'd want to see," Bear calls from the hallway.

"I'm up," I call back. I wrap the blanket around me and head down the hall to the front room, settling down on the couch next to Bear. On the broadcast, it looks like an early morning scene from the Capitol. "Is this live?" I ask Bear. We watch as a rebel troop sends a vehicle down the empty Capitol street, setting off the Capitol booby traps as it goes.

"I don't think so," he answers. "It started as a regular broadcast from the rebels. They just cut to this. It sounded like they came up with this new strategy sometime last night and have used it to open up paths toward the center of the Capitol."

After similar footage airs for several minutes, the screen returns to the rebel reporter. "Over the last twenty-four hours rebel forces have secured wide swaths of the Capitol and the front line squadrons are approaching the President's Mansion along three lines of attack. Our dedicated troops continue to push their way further into the city, though we are prepared for additional Capitol forces to move on these areas at any time. In the meantime, the Mockingjay squad remains silent and is presumed to be hiding out somewhere in the Capitol. News broadcasts will continue to update you throughout the day." The screen switches to a district reporter, who announces some local information before signing off.

"What do you think it means?" I ask Bear.

He shrugs in response. "Who knows? Sounds good anyway. Will you get to follow the broadcasts today?"

"Yeah, Naiya got a t.v. moved down to the store. We'll catch any broadcasts," I answer. Then I remember I still haven't heard about our friends. "Oh - any messages from Spinner?"

Bear shakes his head and sighs, "No."

I remind myself that there are plenty of reasons why Spinner wouldn't send messages. Maybe the communicuff is broken, or maybe command confiscated it. I refuse to think about the other reasons. It's too scary. Still I try to be upbeat, because Bear's got to be worried. "We knew it might not last. I bet they just didn't want people spreading rumors about Katniss. They're fine, they've got to be," I tell him, rubbing the palm of my hand up and down his back. The worry is written all over his face. When he turns toward me, I press my lips to his, hoping to clear his mind of it and bring him some comfort. I can feel his worried tension in the kiss. When I pull back, he reaches up and tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear, cupping my cheek and leaning into me again. His mouth finds mine, and as he pulls me to him, I can feel his fear of losing them, and am scared by it. But after a few intense kisses, his lips soften until his kisses barely meet my lips. Eventually he seems to regain his usual calm, and all too soon I have to get ready for the day.

Naiya and I work at our local store for the day, helping Tad with distribution and keeping an eye on the broadcasts in addition to everything else. The later broadcasts show that the Capitol must have caught on to the unmanned car strategy and countered it. We still see a little of that, but the troops aren't so incautious following the vehicles as in the morning broadcast. Without Katniss and her squad, we're just shown shots of anonymous groups of soldiers with few close-ups.

Naiya hasn't heard from Rose either, and she's distracted with worry. Unexpectedly this makes me feel better; Spin and Rose were in different squads, so the way I see it the chances of something happening to both of them at the same time seem slim. Surely they are fine and just can't send messages for some reason. I try to reassure Naiya but she doesn't seem convinced. Fortunately for provisions everyone seems preoccupied with the war and none of the provisions centers report any trouble with distribution, so it's not late at all when Naiya and I finish up and head home. As usual now we walk together as far as her place, hug goodbye and I head home to Bear.

Bear looks tired; I don't think he slept well if at all but he apparently doesn't want to talk about it. He's a little more receptive than Naiya to my logic about Spinner and Rose, thankfully, and he's trying to put on a good front, but I can tell the worry over our friends is wearing on him. Soon his stress rubs off on me and we're both grumbling at nothing.

The evening broadcasts report that the rebel troops have almost reached the President's mansion at the heart of the Capitol, and that Capitol refugees from other areas are gathering in the same area. Officially they declare that the rebels want to wrest control of the Capitol from President Snow with as little bloodshed as possible. They call on the President to surrender, though I doubt anyone believes he will. There's no word from my friends, from district 4 or 12. Still, it seems like the end of the war must be near. The rebel troops have conquered every district and penetrated to the heart of the Capitol - surely there will be battles, but could President Snow possibly come back from such defeat? It's hard to keep from being optimistic about our future. Bear refuses to accept it, reminding me that we only know what the rebels choose to show us, and there could be a lot more to the story.

Annoyed with Bear's gloominess, I go to bed early. I want to stay up with him but right now I'm just mad. I figure he needs space and maybe I do too. It's not the first time we've taken the stress of the war out on each other.

The next day proves uneventful again and Naiya and I finish early despite our distraction. Bear's pessimism from the night before lingers with me. My worries - about Spinner and Rose and Johnny, about Katniss and Peeta and Gale, about Bear, about the war - it feels like an endless stream of doubts and fears and I feel exhausted by it all. In the few rebel broadcasts, things just seem confused. They show rebel troops fighting Peacekeepers, and huddled masses of Capitol residents looking for refuge from the battles being waged in their streets. Supposedly even the President's mansion is being opened up to refugees. I wonder if any rebels could be smuggled in with the throng, if they' re even trying it.

When I return to the apartment in the evening, Bear must hear me come in because he comes out from the bedroom only minutes later. I'm immediately defensive, but there's no reason for it.

"Sorry," Bear says, hugging me. "I shouldn't be so cynical." I am not sure he wasn't right to be so cynical, but it's a relief all the same to feel his embrace.

"I'm sorry too," I tell him as I press my cheek to his chest. A few tears drip down my cheek and I take a deep breath to stop any others, soaking in the warmth from his arms.

After a moment's pause, Bear admits, "It's just ... I should be there, you know? I feel like ... I don't know," he sighs. I realize then how much he wants to be in the Capitol. He's either been careful not to let on to me, or I've been oblivious to it. He's never revealed it before, but of course he wants to be there, fighting alongside his friends. I, on the other hand, am glad to be far away from the battle. All the same, I can relate to what he is feeling. I know we're both doing good work here in district four, but with the war, my work has seemed insignificant. I've wished not to go into battle, but that I could be doing something serious to help the rebels.

"I know," I tell him. "I hate this. I feel so helpless sometimes." His hand moves to my hair, holding me to his chest for a moment before he pulls back and kisses my forehead.

I pull Bear to the couch to watch the evening broadcasts. I'm curled up into his side, his fingers absently combing through my hair, when the screen changes and one of the regular rebel reporters is onscreen, looking breathless. She announces first that the rebel troops have reached the center of the Capitol and the area immediately around the President's mansion. She explains that the area is filled with Capitol refugees, but also with the deadly pods that have booby–trapped the rebels' paths into the Capitol as well, and that many of these pods were triggered throughout a day of fighting, the first sign that the Capitol had no regard for who died in the struggle. After a warning that the evening's footage is graphic and children should be prevented from watching, the screen changes. There is some chaotic video footage of the triggered pods letting loose their various traps in the midst of the refugees. A knot forms in my stomach; I'm not sure how to feel about it. On one hand, more innocent people dying seems like just another sign of the President's evil. But on the other hand, are they really that innocent? These are the people for whom the Hunger Games have been "entertainment" - the people who bought Finnick's affections, and who have lived their lives in willful ignorance of what life in the districts is like. I won't celebrate their deaths, but should I really mourn them either?

I'm pulled from my thoughts by the words of the reporter. "Despite these attacks on rebels and citizens alike, the rebels penetrated to the very doors of the President's mansion, where they were witness to even more of the Capitol's senseless carnage. We now bring you footage of the events earlier today. Again, these images are extremely graphic and may be very disturbing. Please be advised, young viewers should not bear witness to these atrocities." I look to Bear and he shrugs, his eyes looking inquiringly back at me. Silently we agree we are both watching, and I turn back to see the screen change to a mobbed square with the President's mansion central in the shot, which appears to have been filmed from a roof top. The square is an absolute mess of refugees and Peacekeepers; it's far too wide a shot to make out any individuals. The voice of the reporter brings our attention to the mass of children inside a concrete barrier surrounding the President's mansion, explaining that the rebels understood these children would be expected to find refuge in the mansion. We watch as a hovercraft appears in the sky, releasing clouds of silver parachutes from its hold doors, which are emblazoned with the Capitol seal. The parachutes float down toward the children, who grab at them excitedly. In a flash, the hover craft disappears from the sky, and as the last parachutes drift into the waving arms of the children, there is a series of explosions. They are centered there with the children, where our attention is focused. The bodies on screen are torn apart. The snow of the square is stained red. I shudder involuntarily, wishing I had not watched.

But the footage is still playing, and I have to see why. The Peacekeepers around the concrete barrier are pulling it aside, with great effort, making a path to rescue survivors. A flood of white coats flow through the opening of the barrier, medics to tend to the wounded. The uniforms look much like Johnny's, from what we can see on screen, and I wonder if these are rebel medics, not knowing what a Capitol medic might look like, or which side of the war is more likely to have medics in the area.

The white coats rush in and immediately begin tending to the children. I wish the footage would end, as the bloody red stains on the square and the snow are making me feel sick to my stomach. I'm not sure why they're still showing it. My attention starts to drift around to the other parts of the square, thinking perhaps rebel or Capitol troops may flood onscreen at any minute, and trying to guess where they will come from. The second wave of explosions much larger than the first catches me completely off guard - me, and apparently everyone in the square as well. I jerk in surprise, unable to pull my eyes from the screen. My stomach twists at the cunning and devastating attack wrought by the Capitol hovercraft. Fire erupts from the area around the earlier explosions and shoots out across the screen. Burning bodies flail through the square. When the fireballs diminish, there are still people and possessions burning in the square. The area where the children, and medics, had been, is blackened and empty, almost as if everything that close to the bomb s simply vaporized. I can feel tears in my eyes as I gasp, "How could they ... ?"

"Johnny! Oh God..." Bear cries in a strangled voice. His arms tighten around me and I can feel his body tense with feeling.

I turn to him, horrified at the thought. "We don't know that," I say quickly. "Maybe he wasn't there." I can see the pain in his eyes when he looks toward me. I refuse to even consider the possibility. I take his face in my hands, and insist again that we don't know Johnny was there. I wrap my arms around him. The reporter is talking again, and though I'd tuned her out until now, Bear turns back to watching the screen intently - almost desperately - so I turn my attention back to the broadcast as well. The reporter is saying that the remaining Peacekeepers in the square appeared as shocked as the other observers, and the square is now in the control of rebel forces. She also confirms that we did see rebel medics rushing to help the injured children before the second set of explosions. The pit of fear and hatred in my stomach grows. Bear pushes to his feet and paces angrily, his eyes flashing dangerously. Still reeling from the broadcast, I worry for what he's feeling, for what he might do. I'm not worried for myself, I am sure he'd never hurt me, but for him.

"There's nothing we can do," I tell him, quietly, hating the words but not knowing what to say. Over time, his pacing slows. "Hey," I say, "It'll be okay. We'll get through this." I am thinking of our earlier conversation, feeling powerless and sure he is feeling the same. He turns abruptly from pacing and collapses in to me, wrapping me in his arms again.

We fall asleep together on the couch. Over the next two days, we struggle to contain our emotions, which swing from fear for our friends to elation at the rebels' progress. The broadcasts are full of good news, Peacekeeper surrenders and rebel control of more area. It's reported that the Mockingjay and her allies are alive, that she was in the square outside the President's mansion and is recovering from serious burns from the second explosion. Any remaining fight left on the side of the Capitol seems to be gone. The evening of the second day, it becomes official. President Snow is broadcast surrendering to the rebels and being taken into custody. I pull Bear out into the streets, joining the crowds gathering in the city squares despite the cold, rebels like us celebrating our victory and the end of the war.


	35. Surrender

**A/N: I'm very sorry I haven't been able to update recently and now that I am updating it's only a short chapter. I have some serious goals ahead of me IRL this spring and I just can't allow myself time to write here until I've met some of those goals. I PROMISE I have no intention of abandoning this story and I really am hoping to get back to my fics as soon as possible - thanks for your patience!  
**

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The sky is dark but the squares are lit by streetlamps where Bear and I join the crowds of revelers. The war is over. It's an overwhelming feeling, of relief and joy and confusion. It is hard for me to accept. As soon as we heard the cheers from the streets outside, I felt I had so much energy I was bursting at the seams and the apartment couldn't contain us any more. Out on the streets, permanent grins seem etched on every face, whooping and hollering and condensing together in the city squares. We find some of the musicians from the school who are taking turns playing bright lively tunes, and linger near them. The chaotic crowd around them vibrates with energy, cheering and mingling and dancing together. One of the guys I met through Spinner sees us and pulls me into a quick moving dance. Soon I am spinning and laughing along with so many others in the square, living in the joy of the moment. I catch Bear's eye as he watches me through the crowd with a smile. After several songs of dancing and spinning around the street, I return breathlessly to his side. "This is amazing," I gasp. In the split second before he reacts, I feel guilty, like I deserted him for the others in the crowd. Then he looks down at me, looping an arm around me with eyes twinkling in the dim light, and I know it was okay.

"It's the start of a new era. You looked like you were having fun out there," he says with a laugh. Our breath clouds in the air between us, but the exertion of dancing has warmed me and expended my excess energy. I smile in agreement and he leans down to steal a quick kiss. For awhile we stand there quietly, watching the celebration around us. When one of the dancers cocks his head my way with an inquisitive look, I shake my head to politely decline the unspoken invitation back into the crowd. Bear's hand moves up my arm. "Better watch out, lots of guys out there looking for dance partners," I tease him, giggling.

He pulls his hand off my arm, lifting his hands as if to surrender and says, "Hey, don't let me stop you. You can probably still catch that last one." I glare at him briefly before shaking my head, turning to face the crowd and pulling his arm around me. Then he laughs and adds quietly, "as long as it's just dancing and you come back here after." He links his fingers in mine as we watch the festivities.

When we've had enough of the impromptu party, we walk back toward home, taking our time making our way through the darkened streets. At home we collapse together onto the couch and smile into our kisses.

* * *

In the morning, the fact of the end of the war seems a surreal abstraction. The war is over, but we are just realizing that nothing is going to change right now. Yes, the Capitol has surrendered and a new Panem can emerge. But for today, the district still needs to eat, and the district infrastructure still needs repair from the damages of the war. We'd thought of the war as the big struggle, but what now? Everything ahead of us seems overwhelming. I wonder how much the rebels and that district 13 leader have planned in advance.

I wake Bear, who's asleep on the couch, when broadcasts begin in the morning. There's been no news on the status of the troops, but this morning they announce that they will be offering families information on their relatives in the war, at specified locations around the district. The broadcast announces that the locations will open in 2 days, and specific instructions are given for who should attend which locations. The suggestion of information, without the actual information, is infuriating. I tell myself that we will know about our friends in a couple of days. I tell Bear the same, before sending him back to get some real sleep in the bedroom. As for myself, I have to visit Naiya.

When I get to Naiya's, I've barely knocked on the door before it swings open and Naiya pulls me into a hug. "Oh Maddie, I'm so glad you're here. I can scarcely believe it, you know? Oh come in, come in," Naiya greets me at the door. She waves me into the apartment and continues, "Now the real work begins, of course. But just think of all the opportunities all you young folk will have now. There are so many possibilities, and there will be so much work to do for the new Panem. I couldn't believe all the commotion last night, everyone must be so thrilled."

I nod and manage to answer, "yeah, they sure are," in her brief pause.

"Oh did you and Barend go out to celebrate? Of course you would. I hope you stayed safe, I think the crowds got a little out of control in a few places. Anyway, there was some vandalism and looting in parts of the district. I heard a report about one of our stores being damaged." Seeing my reaction, she touches my arm and says, "Oh don't worry, honey. It's just a broken window, nothing we can't handle. It's just such a shame that things could get out of hand like that. Though I admit I'm on pins and needles waiting to hear how Rose is doing. I just can't help but worry. It's a good thing we'll have plenty of work to do, I will need something else to think about."

After talking more about the war footage, and reviewing what work we had for the next few days, we both headed across the sector to the store with the busted window. We couldn't replace it, but we could put up some plywood and get a temporary fix in place. Naiya's communicuff also received an update about the train schedule, which has been changed in light of the surrender, for some reason. With that in mind, we also stopped by the rebel headquarters. We were hoping to just check in and get any extra information, but the place was a madhouse, people running every which way and when we did get to talk to someone, we didn't really learn anything new.

When I get home, Bear is working intently on his electronic tablet, so I try not to bother him. By the time I settle in next to him, he's obviously frustrated by whatever it was he was working on. He sets the tablet aside and sighs.

"Wanna talk about it?" I ask him.

Giving me a weary look, he answers, "I was trying to find out about Spinner. I figure, if they're advertising they'll tell people about the troops, there must be something in the system. But I can't find anything."

I hug him, feeling tears welling in my eyes. "Well, we'll know in a couple days right? At least that's something."

"Yeah. I hate it though. I don't know if I can stand waiting. If Marai were here, she'd have figured it out."

"Guess we'll just have to wait then," I answer.

"Maybe," he sighs. "That, or I could sign up to help. They need people to work the locations, and I bet I'd get access then."

I look at him questioningly, not sure if he's serious. The thought of having to tell even one person that their son or daughter, brother or sister isn't coming home ... well, it's not the job for me. "Tell people if they're loved ones are alive or not? I don't think I could do it."

"Someone has to," he shrugs.

Skeptically, I remind him, "You'd have to be awake during the day."

He looks me in the eye, quiet for a minute. Slowly a sneaky smile spreads across his face. "Yeah I guess so. It'll be weird ... but maybe I can help you adjust."

I barely get out my protest, "Me?" before his lips silence mine.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry if it's mostly filler. Hope you enjoy anyway! Please be patient, it'll be another couple weeks before I can update again. :) **


	36. News from the Capitol

**A/N: Thanks for reading and your patience. :) Sorry these updates are taking so long, but hope you enjoy this one. Thanks especially to Belle453 for reviewing a draft and helping me figure out this chapter!**

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When I head to the kitchen for breakfast in the morning, Bear is asleep on the couch. Over breakfast I ask him about it again.

"Are you sure about this?" I ask.

I'm still hesitant, but he's made up his mind. "I've heard that kind of news," he insists. "I know how hard it is." I can tell he's nervous though. I'm nervous too, about what he might find out today. When I leave to meet Naiya, he heads out for the rebel headquarters.

That night I find out he didn't get any information about our friends, but he is registered to help with the notifications. He tells me, "I'll be working there in the afternoons, 1 to 6 pm. I cut back my hours with my regular team for now."

"They were okay with that?" I ask.

He shrugs, answering, "Only because it's notifications. But yeah, they're okay with it. Maybe they want me to switch to daytime anyway and think this'll help."

"Would you? Switch to daytime I mean."

He smirks. "Depends if I like it. Consider this a trial run."

"How's it going so far?" I ask teasingly - it's not like it's really a first. He gives a pensive look, as if assessing the day, before his eyes settle on me and send my heart racing. "Awful," he says, deadpan.

I elbow him. "Nuh-uh!"

He kisses me lightly, and acknowledges, "maybe it's not that bad."

I roll my eyes, but I can't help meeting his playful gaze with a smile. I pull him back to me, sliding my fingers into his hair as my lips brush his. Even as we've grown closer and more comfortable together, he's become all the more intoxicating in these moments when the world disappears and the only thing is us, together. We tease and tempt each other. I kiss along his jaw, eliciting a moan of approval. Soon we're stripping off our shirts. My hands explore his chest, wrap around his back, and comb through his hair. I'm careful not to push too far, but my own willpower is tested after he unclasps my bra. I'm practically panting from the delicious feel of his hands and hot mouth on my skin. When his lips work their way up to my neck, he hits a ticklish spot where I can't help but push him away, only to bring his mouth back up to mine. We spend the rest of the evening there on the couch - locked lips, caressing hands, teasing whispers. Part of me would love to drag him back to the bedroom. I remind myself I can't.

The hours disappear too quickly. Late into the night we lay entwined. My head on his chest, Bear twists the curls of my hair in his fingers. Yawning, I give in to my tiredness and am about to say how tired I am when it occurs to me that Bear's new schedule means our usual sleeping arrangement won't work anymore. The thought of sharing a bed comes to mind again, though in a new light. I wonder if he's thought about it, but the corner of my mouth twists up at the thought of sleeping besides him. I'm glad we set the boundaries we did before, but I think we're more comfortable with each other and our limits now. We know where we stand, and we can trust each other. We wouldn't do anything - but it would be nice to fall asleep curled up next to him. Dare I? I turn my head to look up at him.

"We should get to bed," I mumble.

"We?" he asks pointedly. I can't blame him if he's skeptical given our evening's activities.

Blushing, I answer pragmatically, "We're both half asleep anyway. The bed's more comfortable. Besides, you're warm. And if you're gonna do this, you'll need to be rested." He laughs lightly at my growing list and nods agreement.

I go to the bathroom and pull on a tanktop and sweatshirt and change into the sweatpants I've been wearing to bed. The cold night always seems to seeps into the apartment so I'm always bundling up to keep warm. I knock hesitantly on the bedroom door, and immediately Bear invites me in. He's perched on the edge of the bed, wearing a light t-shirt and long lightweight pants, looking down at the electronic tablet in his hands.

Without looking up, he asks, "Can you take the wall? I don't want to bother you if I wake up."

"Sure," I answer quickly, feeling nervous even though this was my idea.

He looks up and smiles tiredly as he sets the tablet aside. "I can sleep on the couch .." he starts to offer, but I cut him off.

"No, it's fine," I insist, climbing the short distance to the far side of the bed. There won't be any extra room really, with us sharing the bed. I slip under the blanket and turn back to face him. "Stay," I tell him, pulling at his t-shirt until he lays down next to me. I lean over to give him a kiss, my hair falling in his face. Brushing the curls back behind my ear with a smile, his lips press back into mine. I shift toward him to deepen the kiss, and Johnny's fish pendant falls dangling from my throat, swinging lightly into Bear's cheek.

Our kiss interrupted, Bear fingers the fish lightly for a moment, then smooths my hair again and whispers to me, " 'night Madge."

I lay back into bed next to him. " 'night," I murmur. Both our thoughts have turned back to the uncertain fates of our friends. Sighing, I curl into his side, my arm resting across his chest. He lays his hand on mine and absently caresses it. Long after Bear falls asleep, I lay awkwardly at his side. Much though I like laying here with him, I'm not totally comfortable and I want to move to a different position, but don't want to disturb him. Eventually I slowly ease myself onto my other side, turning away from Bear. When I do fall asleep, I sleep lightly and find myself awake again in the middle of the night, too warm with my sweatshirt and blanket with Bear's heat beside me. I guess I'm not used to sharing the bed, even if it is with him. Sleepily, I pull off the sweatshirt so I'm just in my tank top, and pull the blanket snugly around me. Bear lays next to me, still asleep, his face smushed awkwardly in the pillow.

When I wake in the morning, he's still passed out next to me. For a couple minutes I just watch him sleeping, giggling to myself when he snores. I even give him a few shakes and pokes but he doesn't react at all. I drag myself out of bed after nestling in next to him for a little while to soak in his warmth. I need to get moving. There's a train expected today. After I've cleaned up, I return to the bedroom to find Bear awake. His hair is unruly and I try to smooth it. As he wraps his arms around me, I think to myself I'm going to like him working daytimes, if it means more nights like this.

* * *

After a busy day with Naiya, I wait at home for Bear. There's nothing interesting in today's broadcasts. I suppose I should be more interested in the details. Apparently there's trouble in some of the districts, pockets of Capitol supporters unwilling to accept the surrender. From the sound of it, the worst of it is in district two, which doesn't surprise me. After all, it was where Peacekeepers were trained. The Capitol probably kept district two very happy, for a district.

Thinking of Bear and what news he might bring home today, I pull out the sketch he made when our friends left for the Capitol. I trace the images of my friends, a knot forming in my throat. I can't help but wonder what's happened to them. It's been on our minds every day. I stare out the window at a cloudy sky, wondering where they are, what they are doing now. I wonder if we'll ever be all together again, or if Bear somehow knew this would be all we'd have.

Bear doesn't come home. Hour after hour passes with no sign of him. I stare out into the night. I pace the living room. I worry over a hundred different scenarios. I tell myself not to be ridiculous. But i can't help asking myself, why isn't he back? I wrap myself in a warm blanket, nervously twisting my hands as I wait.

In the morning, there's still no sign of him. Tears well in my eyes and I check every room, becoming more frantic as I stare at the empty spaces, as if he could have snuck in when I had dozed off and not bothered to wake me, because how could he not be here? Eventually I curl up back on the couch in frustration and break down, crying out my fears and exhaustion. The whole apartment feels empty and claustrophobic at the same time.

The tears run out. I know I have to go. Naiya will worry if I don't show up. If only I had a communicuff and could send her a message.

When I reach the stairwell I head up instead of down. It's irrational, but I want to see the skyline, the horizon. A few people, a couple of whom I recognize but none of whom I know, pass me on the stairs. I'm panting when I reach the top, my body objecting to so many flights of stairs at such an early hour.

My eyes reach for the blue morning sky, but get stuck along the way on a familiar figure sitting on the far ledge.

"Bear?!" I call out, my words slicing through the still air. His head swivels around. Even at this distance I can read his pain, his brokenness. But why is he sitting on the ledge like that?

I start out at a run, but stop short by five meters, stayed by the height of the ledge and a sudden desire to not confront whatever brought him up here. I don't want to hear it, to know it. In this instant I want to stay in my bubble and ignore whatever is going on in the world. But that would mean ignoring Bear too.

"Madge," he croaks. He's on his feet closing the distance between us; then his arms are around me and my cheek is pressed against his chest but there's no happiness on this lonely roof. His skin is cold to the touch and I shiver involuntarily.

I'm relieved, I'm worried. What brought me up here, I wonder. I search my emotions to sort out how I even came up to the roof this morning. I haven't been up here in ages. But I'd lost him and though I didn't think I would find him here, but I felt drawn to look out over our city in hopes of finding him or at least gaining some idea of where he might be. It was as if I thought seeing the city stretched out before me would reassure me, show me that there's been no bombing to fear, no widespread collapse that had stolen Bear away. I didn't guess he might be here. How long did he sit there?

"What is it?" I ask him.

He shakes his head, futilely. "I can't -" he cries.

I bite my lip indecisively. I feel sick, knowing it will be nothing short of devastating. I unhook the communicuff from his arm and send a quick message to Naiya:

_with bear. Can't come today. Maddie._

Hopefully that's enough, and Naiya will understand. After the message has been sent, Bear follows me blankly down to the apartment. I immediately put some tea on, to warm him up. Back in district 12 we had a whole assortment of teas and I would be able to pick out a calming tincture of herbs. Here and now, tea is tea and there's nothing to decide between. I stay in the kitchen as the water boils, silently steeling myself to whatever will confront me in the main room. When the tea is ready, I carry hot mugs out to the couch , spilling it and scalding myself along the way. Bear is folded into himself on the couch. I put the tea down, not knowing what to do. Waiting for the bad news is excruciating. But not as bad as hearing it.

"Spinner ... Sean ... is dead," he tells me, in a hoarse and broken voice.

My own throat constricts, freezing the breath in my lungs. Not Spinner. Anything but that. It can't be possible. He's so GOOD. I grab Bear's hands, squeezing hard and pulling his focus back to me.

"The others?" I whisper, not sure if I can handle the answer.

His eyes meet mine, sad and somber. "I don't know," he sighs. "Johnny was listed as injured. Rose - is missing. There's no information on half her squad."


	37. Shared Grief

**A/N: Sorry for the sadness, everyone. I know that last chapter brought bad news. I'm sad to say goodbye to Spinner, too. To see more of Spinner you should check out "Love & Friendship Games" by Belle453.**

**In the USA, we just celebrated Memorial Day, a day to remember those who have died serving our country in the military. Though it's not why I'm writing this, I hope we can all remember the sacrifice of real soldiers and their families around the world.**

* * *

The first trains of returning soldiers arrived a few days ago, leading much of the district to more celebrations. With their return, we've been assigned some new helpers to handle the additional work now we have that many more people dependent on the distribution centers for provisions. Today Naiya and I meet at the store where I'll be training a group of recruits while she deals with administrative work.

I ask her, "Have you heard anything lately?" It took almost a week after we found out about Spinner, but eventually Naiya did get word that Rose was okay. She's not home though, because the rebels assigned her to the temporary security force in the Capitol, maintaining order on the war-torn streets of the city. I'm relieved she's not hurt or worse.

Naiya answers, "Oh, Maddie, Rose sent a message yesterday. It sounds like they've had a lot of trouble cleaning out the damage from all those traps around the Capitol. Pods, she called them. How they could do that to their own city, I don't know, but she said there's still a lot of work for them there. She doesn't know when she'll be able to come home. It's just so hard to see all these other soldiers coming home, and not knowing when she'll come. I'm sorry, I know I should be grateful that she's okay. And I really am. I think about Spinner every day, darling."

It's still hard for me to believe that Spinner is really gone. I'm always thinking of him - how much I owe him that I will never get the chance to repay, and how much I miss him. Even more, Bear and how he's taking Spinner's death occupies my thoughts. We're not alone in our grief. So many troops – on both sides of the war – have died. Marai died in the Capitol like Spinner. While many troops are being sent home to district 4, so many others will never return. But we're lucky. Rose is fine. Johnny is in good hands. We don't know much about his condition, except that he's in a Capitol hospital in recovery. We have plenty of homecomings to look forward to.

Today, facing our new recruits, I am trying to focus on the positive. We've won the war, I tell myself. Miraculously, all five of the Mockingjay squad members that infiltrated the Capitol survived. Katniss and Peeta are alive, though badly burned from the bombing near the President's mansion, and are recovering in the hospital. Gale is with the troops in District 2. The latest rebel broadcasts have begun to cover the damage in the districts from the war, as well as the last dregs of Capitol supporters battling it out. I suppose at some point they become government broadcasts now that the war is over. District 13's "President" Coin has taken over in the Capitol, imprisoning Snow in some unreported location for trial and setting up her underlings from 13 and some of the troops from around Panem in the start of a transitional government.

The training goes well. I explain the set-up of the stores and the different jobs involved, then allow the new workers to try each task hands-on. None of the jobs are that difficult, but I'm relieved all the same that things go smoothly. It's a blessing that the work keeps us busy, leaving less time to When they seem to be getting the hang of things, I tell everyone to take a break and go to check in with Naiya, who's setting up a schedule for where and when the new recruits will work.

Naiya looks up when I come in. Immediately she says, "I'm sorry Maddie. I know we need this done. I just can't seem to get things straight today and this dang tablet just won't let me - Augh!" she breaks off with frustration. I bite my tongue, knowing there's nothing wrong with the tablet. Angrily I pull the tablet from her hands and snap at her to take a break, before returning to the training room. About fifteen minutes later she shows up with the new schedule in hand. She leaves it sitting on the desk without saying anything.

* * *

On my way home, I wonder how Bear's day has gone. I can't believe that he still went to help with notifications that day, after I'd found him on the roof. I don't know how, but I guess none of it could be as bad as hearing about Spinner, or telling me. I was pretty mad that he could go back to work so quickly after not being able to face me all night. I made him promise he was coming straight home afterward, worried he would disappear on me again. But as mad as I was, I did eventually recognize that this was far worse on Bear than me. I'd known Spinner for months, while Bear and Spinner has relied on each other for years.

He did as promised, of course. He's come home every day since then, so there've been no more late nights waiting and wondering. He told me he didn't mean for me to worry. He just couldn't face the reality of Spinner being gone. And if he saw me, he'd have to tell me about Spinner, and it would be real. He even said he stood outside the door of the apartment, trying to make himself open the door, and just couldn't do it.

Helping with the notifications took its toll, but knowing what happened to Spinner only made Bear more dedicated to it. He went every day while they lasted, until everyone in the district had had their opportunity to find out about loved ones. Throughout everything we've at least been able to lean on each other. I think about him all the time, wishing I were at his side. Bear is still working a day schedule, though he's now back to his regular work. Even with everything going on, falling asleep next to him each night is nothing short of magical. I can't picture my life without him.

I beat him home and crash on the couch, waiting the latest footage from other districts while I wait. I wish I'd been more patient with Naiya about the scheduling, but I don't have the energy to worry about it now. When Bear comes home, he take one look at me and heads into the kitchen, where pulls together a few sandwiches for our dinner. I smile as he brings them over to the couch.

"Thanks," I tell him with a smile, leaning over to give him a peck on his cheek.

"Sure," he says. "How was the training?"

"Fine. I dunno. How was work?"

"The same," he says tiredly. "It's good to see you."

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"I miss him," he sighs. "I keep thinking it's just a dream and I'll wake up. It hurts, seeing all the sodiers coming home."

My heart aches for Spinner, and I feel Bear's pain as my own. I wish I knew what to say, but I just nod and rub his back comfortingly as I bite back tears. After a moment he shakes his head and says, "Sorry Madge."

"Hey," I answer, "I miss him too. And you know you can talk about it any time." I close my eyes and melt into the moment as he kisses my forehead gently, sending a wave of warmth over me. I crave his touch. Overcome with longing for him, I rest my hands on his chest and tilt my lips up, grazing my lips against his mouth. His hands wrap around me and draw me into him.

Looking up into his deep brown eyes, I can't stop myself from telling him, "I love you."

He lifts his hand to my cheek and twists a loose curl of hair as he searches my eyes, leaving butterflies fluttering in my chest. "I love you too," he murmurs.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading. Big step for Madge and Bear! **


	38. Siblings reunite

**A/N: Thanks to everyone for reading! :)**

* * *

I always dreamt that being in love would mean being giddily happy. Maybe that was naïve given the conditions in district 12 and most of Panem, but that was what happened in all the storybooks my parents gave me when I was little. I couldn't help but imagine the same kind of happy ending, despite all the evidence to the contrary around me.

Instead, in reality love doesn't stop the bad things from happening, or let us deny our grief. I can't begin to explain it, how love and grief collide. Thinking back to my years in District 12, it seems that love and grief have always appeared together, one way or another. I recognize now that love is what held the families of so many tributes together, and what tore them apart. It's what kept the miners returning to that miserable work day after day. Love is why Katniss volunteered for the Games, and why so many people of Panem joined the rebellion. This love may be different, but it's not unrelated.

Love keeps us moving forward through our grief and reminds us to be kind with each other when we're at our worst. Naiya and I keep running the provisions stores. Bear and his crew have cataloged and analyzed all the old administration files from the district. Now they are working with the different divisions of rebel headquarters on reconstruction and developing a new governance structure. Bear has been assigned to consult with the medical department. Though district 4 had more options for medical treatment than in 12, it was still limited under the old regime, and access to real medical treatments and medicines from the Capitol was available only to the privileged district victors and officials. The rebels want to broaden access of Capitol medicine to the districts, but first have to find a way to create the infrastructure and expertise needed. Hearing about the work from Bear reminds me of the morphling injections I used to administer during my mother's attacks.

Much of our lives are still based on what is going on hundreds of miles away in the Capitol. District 4 may be moving forward, but there is still plenty of insecurity about how the new government will work in the long term. While most people are grateful for the leadership of district 13, not everyone is sure about President Coin. Many of us disagree with her decision to allow President Snow a comfortable imprisonment in his own mansion. We have little doubt, though, of what verdict will be given at the end of Snow's trial. The broadcasts give daily updates on the courtroom activity.

We are still waiting for Rose and Johnny to find their way home. Even so, it's not long before Bear and I lose our relative seclusion. One night Bear brings home a message from Mick, who's losing his position on the boats because of the soldiers returning to join the fishing crews. We tell him immediately to come to sector one, sure we can help him find something here. Personally I hope that he'll go back to school. It's only a few days later that I meet Mick at the sector headquarters.

I walk over after a long day at the store, hunched against a cold rain. Clouds loom low overhead, almost seeming to rest upon the rooftops. Outside the concrete headquarters building, the streets are deserted, but as I step into the building the hustle and bustle seems to erupt around me. I push through the crowds until I spot Mick, duffel bag slung over his shoulder. He seems to have grown several inches in the month since I've seen him. A grin spreads across my face at the sight of him and I hurry over. "Hi Mick!" I say, hugging him.

He insists on hauling his bags himself, so I walk unencumbered beside him on our trip back to the apartment. On our way I fill him in on the details we know about Spinner and the others. I know it won't be as hard on Mick, since he barely knew any of them. I hope we're not too gloomy for him.

At home, we sit and swap stories about our lives since we last saw each other. When Bear gets home we all grab some food for dinner and settle back into our conversation. I curl comfortably into Bear's side as we talk, leaning my head on his shoulder.

It sounds like Mick had been doing alright for himself on the boats, before all the soldiers started coming back, meaning there were more experienced people to take his place. He seems to have taken it well though.

My favorite story is when Mick tells us about running into the film crew from the Capitol when they were in sector two for filming. Recently we've seen several segments with Cressida, who is now instantly recognizable from when the Mockingjay squad was being broadcast in the Capitol. Apparently District 4 was one of their first stops, so when they showed up in sector two their footage of the war damage hadn't shown up in the broadcasts yet. Mick tells us that even without that footage, nobody could miss the green vines tattooed across Cressida's shaved head or the vibrant blue eyes and red beard on Pollux.

"What were they doing?" Bear asks.

"You know - they been filmin' all the war damage, so whatever you seen from the fisheries, the cannery, anythin' like that, it was them. I dunno that Miss Cressida liked bein' on camera so much though," Mick tells him.

"Really?" I ask, surprised. I always thought she seemed fine in her broadcasts, not nervous or unhappy.

Mick answers, "Oh, she's real professional. Real take charge kind of lady. But off camera she was lookin' real tired."

I shrug. "Guess she didn't get much chance for a break before they were went out to film. Did you actually talk to them?"

"With her. She was askin' about the boats 'n fishin' 'n all. Tellin' us 'bout their time in the war. Can't 'xactly talk with the Ledakind guy. But they seemed right on track with each other. Think she could practic'ly read his mind. Good thing I guess."

"What do you mean?"

"He's a, what they call it? An avox. Can't talk," Mick explains.

Surprised, I say, "Oh wow. I guess we know why he was with the rebels then."

Mick continues, "I guess. She had all kinds o' stories though. I mean, we didn't talk so long as all that, but you could tell. Miss Cressida told me 'bout the Mockin'jay Squad, it's like the squad built trust kinda like we do on the boats. Said Katniss was given a secret mission to get to Snow, and that's why they was alone in the Capitol there at the end. She never said a bad word 'bout it, but you could see they was both worn out. And you know that propo with the Mockin'jays, where Katniss is singin'? I guess she didn't even know they was filmin' her. She was just showin' Pollux ... uhh, Mr. Ledakind. He'd been whistlin' - guess he can still do that anyways - and the birds were repeatin' his tunes. He asked Katniss to sing, since he couldn't."

I'm surprised by how much I'm hanging on his words, this third-hand account of Katniss during the war. Everything we've seen of her has been through the official resistance broadcasts, so it just hasn't seemed that much like the real her. I wish I'd been able to talk with Cressida, with someone who was actually there with Katniss for everything we'd seen on the broadcasts. Then again, if I did I might have given myself away somehow.

When we realize it's getting late, we return to the needs of here and now. I am ready for sleeping arrangements to be awkward, even though Bear and I talked about it already. We're going to try to move back to Carlo's old place, if we can. Our place works but it's not really ours anyway, just where we wound up during the war. Carlo's place should be empty, and will fit us better when Johnny comes back. In the meantime, either of us could share the room with Mick; we assumed he'd be happier sharing with Bear. If I'm going to sleep on a couch I prefer the one in the bedroom, so we're going to cram both couches in the main room so it works for all of us during the day and for me at night. Or at least, that's the plan. Together the three of us drag the couch out and arrange the room so they both fit.

"Okay, this is me. Thanks guys," I say.

"Oh come on, Madge," answers Mick. "You think I wanna share a bed with your boyfriend? He is your boyfriend now ain't he?"

Bear smirks. Well, we have been perfectly cozy together all evening.

I laugh, blushing at the memory of that first date. "Yeah, Mick. He's my boyfriend. But that doesn't mean -"

He cuts me off saying, "C'mon. I'm gonna be fine out here. You wanna tell me you were sleepin' on the couch before I showed up?"

I give in without much reluctance. It's just until we can go back to the old place anyway.

We settle into our new routine fairly easily. Bear and I do our best to give Mick time alone since he doesn't have his own space. Happily that seems to translate into preserving some alone time for us. Because we don't want to be up and about the apartment before Mick is awake, we tend to lounge in bed together in the mornings. Laying beside him, I know that I can't picture life without him anymore. I'm his, and he's mine, and that's how it should always be. And when I kiss him awake, the look in his eyes as he sees me and smiles feels like all I will ever need.


	39. Assassination

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Thank you to everyone who has reviewed but especially you guest reviewers, since I don't get the chance to thank you individually.**

* * *

Every once in a while there's something in the broadcasts about survivors from district 12. Mostly, it's Katniss or Peeta or Gale. Katniss and Peeta were both in the square outside the President's Mansion when those bombs went off, and were badly injured; last we heard they were still recovering under the care of Capitol doctors. Gale is still in district 2, where he seems to have become the spokesperson for the military's efforts to shut down the remaining pockets of resistance from Capitol supporters. It's only when the broadcasts documenting war damage in the districts reaches 12 that I find out some of the survivors are returning to the district to rebuild. Not much was left standing other than the Victor's Village, but they have set up a crew of able-bodied survivors, as well as a small number of soldiers from district 13, to begin preparing the district for their return. The group, who from the limited footage shown appear to all be from the Seam, are cleaning out the rubble and burying what remains of the dead. I can't imagine going back to those ruins.

Headquarters gives the okay for our move back to Carlo's apartment, which now officially belongs to Johnny, and before I know it we are gathering our possessions into whatever boxes and bags we can find. Though the place is Johnny's, we don't know when he'll be back in district 4. The last message from the Capitol was that he is still in the Capitol hospital and won't be released for at least a month.

Before we actually move back in, we spend a couple evenings rearranging the old furniture and cleaning up the accumulated layers of dust. An hour in on the first visit, I send Bear back home. There are too many remnants of Carlo and Johnny's lives. It's not as bad for Mick and me, so we take over and get everything packed away. Little is thrown out, since we're not sure what Johnny might want to keep, but it all gets sorted into a few boxes that fit into the back of a closet. After a few days of work, Bear rejoins us to move furniture around inside the apartment. We rearrange things so that there's a bedroom for me and Bear, and another for Mick, and in no time we're moved back in.

It's bittersweet, reminding me of how much has changed since Spinner and I took off for Sector Two that morning, the last time I lived here. It's worse for Bear, who has so many more memories of them in these rooms. We talk about them often, the ghosts that seem to share our home. One of us will remember something of our friends and put it into words, the time Spinner snuck up on Rose, or when he burned that night's meal and everyone ate nothing but stale bread and water just to get under his skin. Bear tells stories from before I came, and pulls stories from our old lives out of me and Mick. Sometimes we laugh until our sides hurt, sometimes we're all in tears.

After about a week in the new / old apartment, Mick heads off on his own for an evening, probably tired of reminiscing every night. Alone in the apartment, Bear and I only half pay attention the broadcast, which seems to suggest Snow's trial may finally be nearing an end.

With a grin Bear asks me, "You think Mick's sick of us already?"

"Wouldn't you be?" I laugh, leaning close to him on the couch. "He's probably tired of me dropping hints about school."

"You still on him about that, huh? Just let him do his thing," Bear says.

"Ugh, I will. I know I can't make him do it if he doesn't want to. I just think it would be good for him."

"Getting out and making friends will be good for him," Bear counters. "Hopefully he has some fun tonight."

"Mick will be fine," I say. Sliding a hand along his jaw and turning his face to me, I tell him, "come here" and pull him to me, capturing his lips with mine. "Besides," I add, "you just want him out of the apartment." Not that I blame him. Bear and I deserve some fun tonight too.

Later we learn Mick did have fun; he spent his time at the old school building where the musicians meet to play.

* * *

To no one's surprise, ex-President Snow is found guilty and sentenced to execution. As a symbolic closure to our rebellion, the Mockingjay will be the one to end him with an arrow to the heart. I wonder how Katniss feels about it, being the one who will kill him. It's an aimless thought that comes back to me at odd moments after hearing the news. The day of the execution, President Coin will be giving a speech to all of Panem during the evening broadcast.

The day of Snow's execution, I visit with Naiya at her apartment. We've worked out a routine for provisions that has us each splitting time between the store and working with headquarters and other locations, but it means we only meet twice a week to coordinate our work. Between Mick coming, the move to the larger apartment, and how busy our work with provisions has been, we haven't had much time together. When I arrive at her apartment, Naiya has one of her delicious fish stews simmering on the stove.

"Oh Maddie, thanks for coming over. It's so nice to see you. You'll never believe the news. I stopped by headquarters this morning to talk with Sandra, you know her right? She's the one that helped straighten out those shipments from 11 last week. Anyway I was talking with her and she said more soldiers were scheduled to arrive later this week, so I asked around and it sounds like Rose is coming home! I'm just going to be so much happier when she's here where she belongs and I can take care of her. You know how I worry. I couldn't bear it if something happened to her."

"She's coming home?" I ask. "That's wonderful! Do you know when?"

"No, I don't know for sure yet," she replies. "I guess they didn't want to get my hopes up, but I guess I'll have to wait to find out when she'll be here. Don't worry, darling, I'll let you know when I hear anything. I couldn't wait to tell you the news! Wouldn't it be nice if everyone came home? Since they've been calling Snow's execution the end of the war, maybe Coin will be sending all the troops home. Do you think she'll say something about it in her speech?"

"Who knows? It would be nice," I agree.

Over bowls of fish stew, we speculate about what Coin might have to say, and Naiya fills me in on her plans for when Rose comes home as we wait for the evening broadcast. When the broadcast begins, it's obvious from the reporters' tense demeanor that something is terribly wrong.

Even so it is a complete shock as the reporters announce that President Coin has been assassinated. By Katniss. I don't know what to think. I can't believe it. Rather than hearing a speech about the end of the war and the new future of Panem, we are instead taken to footage of today's execution, at the President's Mansion itself.

In the broadcast, the square around the mansion has been rebuilt and cleaned up since that horrific bombing in the war. Soldiers in gray stand in front of the crowd, giving a sense of solemnity to the pristine buildings gleaming in the sunlight. A crowd of people fill the square in front of the mansion, while President Coin and her closest advisors and officials overlook the scene from a balcony. One of the reporters narrates as the scene unfolds on screen.

Anxiety grips me as Katniss appears at the door to the Mansion in her Mockingjay uniform, my aunt's gold pin gleaming against the black material over her heart, as if this is somehow _all my fault_. When the broadcast shows a close-up shot of her with bow in hand and a single arrow in the sheath on her back, I can see that her hands and arms are marked with burn scars. Her face remains resolutely blank, an expression I think of as her mask, the blank slate that has always hidden her more dangerous thoughts. I wonder what she was thinking at that moment.

Our detested ex-President is wearing a fancy suit and white rose pinned to his lapel when he is escorted from the Mansion by more gray-clad soldiers, and shackled to a post not thirty feet from Katniss. He looks like death warmed over. Katniss could make that shot with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back. I have to ask myself, why didn't she?

The crowd quiets in anticipation as she raises the bow. Maybe it's because I know what's coming, but I would swear I can tell she's thinking about something behind that unreadable expression. I just don't understand why it would be anything but finally putting an end to President Snow, who was the cause of everything she's been throuh. At the last second, the bow tilts up and Katniss' arrow flies into our new President Coin, who falls from the balcony to the ground below with a sickening crunch. My mouth drops open as we stare at the broadcast in mute shock at actually seeing it happen, hearing Snow's cackling which is quickly drowned out by the chaos in the square.

The rest happens in an instant. A broad-shouldered figure I recognize as Peeta rushes to Katniss' side along with several of the soldiers, who in the struggle drag her, kicking and screaming, from him and through the rioting crowd back into the mansion. I swear I hear her screams over the sounds of the crowd, crying desperately for Gale, before the doors of the mansion close her off from the cameras.

I don't know why Katniss would shoot Coin instead of Snow. I thought I knew how much she must hate Snow, how much she hated him before she left for the Quarter Quell. I can't imagine what reason she could have for shooting Coin instead, but I'm sure there is one. Katniss may be impulsive, but she's smart. She'd never have survived this long if those impulses hadn't led her right. Katniss does what it takes to survive. However, it doesn't make much sense to think that Coin was somehow a threat to Katniss. And assassinating the new President in front of the entire nation seems like insanity.

Silly though it seems in comparison, there is a part of me that is stuck on Peeta, a little piece of heartbreak that even after he rushed to her side, it was Gale she cried out for, as if she was pleading for him to rescue her.

The broadcast reporters confirm the deaths of both Alma Coin and Coriolanus Snow. Katniss has been taken into custody and will be put on trial for the murder of President Coinn. We're told that an emergency election will be held to select a new President for Panem.

Naiya and I share a look of disbelief when the broadcast cuts out. Finally Naiya speaks. "Well, that's just terrible. It just never ends, does it? Not that I really liked that Coin woman anyway, but even so, why would anyone want to kill her? Poor messed up girl. Why was she supposed to kill Snow anyway? And in front of all those people ... I hate to think about it. You don't think they'll keep Rose from coming home do you?"

I'm more worried about what they'll do to Katniss.


	40. Rose's Return

**A/N: Thanks for reading :) Thanks especially to Belle453 for the beta and her excellent advice.**

* * *

After the broadcast of Katniss killing President Coin, it's awkward being around Bear and Mick for a few days. They are the only people here who know I was friends with Katniss before the war and at first we all avoided talking about it. Eventually Bear couldn't help but ask what I thought happened, and if Katniss went crazy like everybody's saying.

I'm conflicted. Even when we were still together in district 12, Katniss had gone from living about as solitary a life as possible in the Seam, to fighting for her - and Peeta's - lives in the arena, to having her life broadcast across Panem by Snow. And I doubt it's gotten any easier on her.

She's become a symbol of the rebellion, a central figure in the broadcasts by the rebels - I'm guessing that means by Coin. She's fought in the war; she's faced the ruins of our demolished district in person; she's been shot at, bombed and burned; she's lost soldiers on her squad and her sister, who I know she'd do anything for - and I only know about all that from the broadcasts. But she's still Katniss.

Helplessly I defend my friend, "but ... she didn't look crazy. She looked - well, she looked like Katniss." Stubbornly I add, "There had to be a reason." But doubt clouds my thoughts. Could I really expect her to be the same girl I knew in 12?

"Okay, say she's not crazy. Then why kill Coin? Political power grab?" Bear suggests. At my dubious expression he adds, "Maybe she's working with someone."

"Who?" I ask. "One of the candidates? I don't think so."

"Maybe she missed all that attention from being the Mockingay?" he proposes, only half joking.

I snort, shaking my head in disbelief. "No way."

He shrugs. "Personal vendetta?"

"But why? She'd have to blame Coin for - what? Prim's death?"

"It's not that farfetched is it? The district leaders had to approve anyone that young going into active war zones," he reminds me. "Or what about being almost killed herself? And losing half her squad? Coin even went on the broadcast after, remember? According to Mick the film lady said that Coin sent Katniss on a secret mission. Maybe being attacked like that so early on, she blamed Coin or the rebels?"

I sigh, realizing he's actually drawn me out into speculating more about Katniss' motives. "We're just guessing," I say, effectively ending the conversation. "We'll probably never know."

Bear lets the topic drop, but I can't get the idea out of my head. Katniss and I had grown closer when she came back from the games, and despite all the small luxuries that came with her victory I know she'd have gone back to her life in the Seam in an instant, if only she could have. It was the thought of her sister Prim that had motivated her then. Could it be her sister's death that motivated her killing Coin? Or maybe Bear was right - maybe it was her squad. The war brought me a family of sorts. Katniss had been in battle with her squad; maybe she had become attached to them.

* * *

Already planning is underway to organize an election across all of Panem to select a new President. Still reeling from a rebellion, our new leader assassinated - it's amazing how the rebels push forward. Though some troops are being reassigned due to the assassination, Naiya quickly confirms that Rose will be home in a matter of days.

Wanting to be there with Naiya when Rose arrives, I ask Mick to cover for me at provisions for the afternoon. I feel guilty about it, because I should be there to run things when Naiya is busy with the homecoming, but I remind myself it's only one day and it's worth it to see Rose when she gets home. Everything has been running smoothly anyway, and anything serious can wait a day. Hoping it will help things run smoothly, Naiya and I work a few hours extra into the evening trying to take care of everything we can the night before her train arrives.

The sun shines entirely too brightly for the chill in the air as we walk to the train station. Naiya is so excited that she talks non-stop the entire way. I can't blame her; she has to be thrilled that Rose will be home. I'm elated too. Naiya explains how their family in sector three will be visiting to see Rose over the next few days and tells me about all the food she's prepared. She has one of Rose's favorite meals- a special clam dish - planned for them tonight. Our walk passes quickly. Together we wait impatiently on the train station platform until Naiya finally spots Rose among the soldiers pouring off the train. She runs to meet Rose and by the time I push my way through the crowd to catch up mother and daughter are in a tight embrace.

Rose sees me over her mother's shoulder and grins. She looks worn down, with dark circles under her eyes but at the same time she seems almost overly excited to be home.

"Welcome home," I tell her, as emotion fills my voice.

"Maddie!" she squeals. She throws her arms around me as soon as Naiya's let go. "Oh it's so good to see you!"

Caught up in our hug and trying not to cry I choke out, "You too!"

I hug her tightly before letting her go, and tell her, "I can't believe you're here. I''m so glad you're home finally. We've missed you!"

As she pulls away, Rose's eyes drop down and catch on Johnny's necklace. Suddenly she falls back into me, her entire body shaking with sobs. Her breakdown wrecks the last of my defenses and soon we're both clinging to each other, tears streaking down our cheeks.

After several deep breaths I get control again and embrace Rose until she's quieted down. As she steps back, wiping the tears from her eyes, Naiya rubs her back comfortingly and as if nothing untoward has happened, begins an animated description of the changes in the provisions stores.

Rose seems to recover somewhat and joins in with Naiya, talking about the train and being home as we find her luggage and work our way away from the crowds of the train station. We all avoid the topics that silently threaten our emotional balance - her experience in the war and Spinner's death topping the list. Instead Rose overwhelms us with questions about provisions and what's going on at the different stores around the sector and who's been working with us. The sun is already low in the sky as we begin our walk back home, and the chill in the air is seeping through our coats. At random moments as we walk Naiya and I will pull her into one-armed hugs as we walk down the district streets toward their apartment. It's a long enough trek home and both Rose and Naiya look as ready to collapse as I feel when we reach Naiya's, so after we deposit Rose's bags in the front room, I take my leave for the evening.

I know it won't be easy for them. I tell Naiya not to worry about work for a couple days, and just focus on helping Rose. She promises to let me know when Rose has gotten settled in and when Bear and I can visit next. From what she said earlier I figure we might have to be patient - Naiya's apartment will be packed with family coming to visit from sector three over the next few days. After I hug Rose once more, I say my goodbyes and head home.

* * *

Mick won't be home tonight; he's out again to meet up with new friends and listen to the musicians meeting at the school. When Bear gets home we talk about the upcoming election. Here in 4, it's being organized using the neighborhood muster stations from during the war. There are only a few candidates in the race, all unknown to us. Of course, there are few people among the rebellion that are known beyond their own districts, other than the victors who were targeted during the war and like many of the rebellion's leaders are dead or damaged beyond the capacity to lead. The victors who are still alive - Haymitch? Johanna? Beetee? They are survivors, absolutely, but not leaders. Peeta, maybe could have been once. Since the assassination, we've heard more stories about Peeta's torture in the Capitol and how President Snow turned him against Katniss.

"How are we supposed to decide?" I gripe. Not that President Snow was ever elected, but considering how long he was in power, it seems like a this election will be a pretty important decision for determining the path Panem takes in the future.

"They're all getting time on the broadcasts," Bear says. "I guess we'd better pay attention." Each of the candidates is allotted time in the broadcasts to describe their experience and lay out their vision for the country's future. We've already seen some of the broadcasts. Tonight there's one from Colonel Volta, a district 3 rebel who apparently orchestrated a quick surrender of the Capitol forces in 3. His hair curls out from behind his ears and his gray mustache lays across his upper lip like a fat furry caterpillar wiggling with his every word. It's distracting, and I never can pay attention to him for very long.

I can't help giggling. Bear elbows me. He insists on paying attention to all the broadcasts, claiming he hasn't made up his mind yet on the candidates.

"I can't help it!" I protest. "He looks ridiculous."

My favorite is a Commander Paylor, a military leader in the rebellion. Paylor is much younger than Snow or Coin or Colonel Volta, and being from district 8 knows the harsh realities of what district life could be under Snow. She seems capable and pragmatic without being depressing.

Fortunately there weren't any major problems at any of the provisions stores, but I still keep busy over the next few days without Naiya. When I get home from the store on Friday I collapse in the front room, ready for a day off. Saturday everything will be closed anyway for the election. The rule is that anyone old enough for the reapings is old enough to vote, so when the morning comes, I walk to the old school with Bear and Mick so we can all cast our ballots. There is already a line of people waiting when we arrive. Everyone is excited, it's the first time we have ever had a say in our own leadership. There's a lot of spirited arguments in the line, as the more outspoken residents argue for their favorite candidate. I squeeze Bear's hand in mine as we wait. I can't help be excited about our first election, and the path that Panem is about to take, whatever it brings.

* * *

**A/N: What do you think? Rose is back, which is good, though it won't all be smooth sailing for her.**


	41. Elections

**A/N: Thanks for your patience sticking with this story :)**

* * *

After the voting, Bear won't tell me who he voted for no matter how much I pester him. Mick, enjoying the game, is keeping quiet too. Only a couple days pass before the result is announced. It's been one long day after the next, and I'm glad to be home tonight with time to relax. Bear's not home for the broadcast; he's been working late with the medical teams lately, helping with some proposal they're sending to the Capitol for a new medical center in district 4. Mick and I are both home though, and I can't help pry.

"Come on. Who'd you vote for?" I ask again.

Evasively he answers, "Umm ... I dunno if I should tell you. Secret ballot yeah?"

"Still not gonna tell me? That's okay, I bet I can guess!" I challenge. I've been getting to know Mick and he's not that hard to figure out. I pause, looking at him critically as I run through the options in my mind. When I'm sure I've guessed right I say, "I bet you voted for Volta, didn't you?"

His expression is enough to tell me I'm right. "So? I can guess who you picked too," he retorts. Which is true, since I probably spent half of our time together this week trying to persuade him to vote for her. It's no surprise when he continues, "Everyone knows you voted for Paylor. You were campaigning for her hard enough."

"You got it," I agree. "She deserves to win. She'd be a great President." Mick rolls his eyes with frustration.

Mick starts to talk about his last night with the musicians at the old school building, but when the broadcast starts he grudgingly quiets down to watch. Tonight isn't like any other broadcast and I am anxious to hear the announcement; fortunately they don't keep us waiting long to learn who has won the election and will now be the new President of Panem. The reporters get straight to it, quickly announcing that the winner of the election is Commander Paylor.

"Yes!" I yell, throwing my arms in the air in excitement that energizes for the moment. I grin at Mick who shrugs grumpily.

"Whatever," he says.

"Just watch," I tell him. "She's going to be great."

We watch Paylor give a brief speech about putting the dark days behind us and working for the bright future of our nation. We've never seen a speech like this before; the closest we've witnessed were Coin's speeches at the end of the war. Paylor thanks the other candidates for their contributions to the war and credits President Coin with supporting the rebels and defeating the old regime. She talks about the importance of integrating the districts, including 13, and the Capitol into the new government. She announces the formation of an Executive Council with representatives from all districts as part of the new governing system. Once the Council members are appointed, they will coordinate a national rebuilding effort and investment in the districts.

About halfway through the speech, sometime when Paylor is talking about how the Executive Council will be formed, it hits me how tired I am from all the recent excitement. When the broadcast ends I head to bed early. I'm in bed but still awake when I hear muffled voices from the front room. I smile, guessing Bear is home and wondering what he thought of the speech. Thinking about the speech, my mind wanders across the possible changes and what will happen here in district 4. I drift off to sleep before seeing Bear.

In the morning I find myself suddenly awake, and can see Bear's shadowy silhouette in the dim light of dawn that seeps through the curtain. "Hey," I mumble.

He sounds tired when he answers, "Hi. Sorry I woke you."

"It's okay. What's going on?"

He chuckles quietly, leaning over the bed to kiss my cheek. "Nothing, just talking with Mick."

Faintly alarmed I ask, "You've been up all night?"

"Yeah," he answers, "but it's cool. We finished the proposal so they gave me the day off. You must be happy your girl won huh?"

His lips are moving toward mine when I lightly push him away in annoyance and ask, "Excuse me? She's not twelve. She's President!"

"Right, sorry. Commander Paylor." He tries to look contrite but can't quite pull it off as he hovers over me waiting for me to accept his apology.

I smile anticipating his next move. "That's better," I answer. "And yes, I'm happy." I am happy, both for Paylor's win and for Bear's presence. At my response Bear drops back down and I close my eyes as his lips meet mine.

Despite how much I enjoy the kiss, politics is back on my mind thanks to Bear's comment. Wondering what he thought of Paylor's win, I break off his kiss to ask, "What about you? Are you happy?"

He lifts his head enough to give me an amused look. "Happy now," he murmurs.

"Not what I meant," I reply pointedly. With one hand on his chest I persist, avoiding his lips to ask "Did you see her speech?"

He sits up further and sighs in resignation. "Didn't see it, but Mick filled me in on the highlights."

"Gonna tell me who you voted for?" I ask him, a smile creeping across my face. "The election's over, you might as well."

Bear smirks and settles in next to me, propping himself up on his elbow beside me. "When will you give up? I told you I'm not telling."

"Why not? I wouldn't approve?" I tease him.

"I didn't say that and you know it. I just don't see why you've gotta know everything."

I make a face at him. "Not _everything_."

"Then let it go. It's not that important."

"Then why not just tell me? I promise I won't hold it against you if it wasn't Paylor," I persist.

Cavalierly he answers, "Because you should love me no matter what. Besides a few weeks ago we were all happy to have President Coin."

"I love you. I just-" I run out of words but before I can find them he interrupts.

"Madge I'm exhausted and you're half awake. You really want to keep this up?" he asks me. "Besides, aren't you at all curious what Mick and I were talking about all night?"

"What?" I'm surprised to realize I didn't even think about it.

"Well, a lot of things, but mostly school." Seeing my reaction he continues, "Yeah, don't get all ahead of yourself but I think he's going to sign up. We talked about it and he's still not sure, but it sounds like he's going to try it. Just – don't bring it up, okay? He's already heard your arguments. He just needs time to feel happy about deciding for himself. It won't help if he thinks you're deciding for him. We talked about the musician group too. He's made some friends there you know, and he was worried they'd get kicked out of the old school building. I don't think they will though. The building's pretty empty, so why would they?"

I can't help but feel a little slighted. Why wouldn't Mick talk to me about any of that? "He didn't say anything to me…" I say, a little resentfully.

"Don't be mad," Bear cajoles. "You've been so caught up in this election and provisions that I don't think he had a chance. And he's a boy. Sometimes he's gonna want a male perspective."

I sigh. I guess I have been pretty busy lately. Now that I think back, I pretty much disappeared on him as soon as the broadcast was over last night. And Mick was trying to talk about the musicians before the broadcast started, wasn't he? I should be glad he feels free to talk with Bear, but it still grates on me. I guess I just liked the idea of Mick looking up to me. Even if he supported Volta, which was ridiculous. I don't know how he could even take that man seriously.

"Speaking of provisions … I guess I should be getting up," I groan. I give Bear a kiss, taking a moment to savor the trace of shivers his lips send through me and to feel his warmth before I roll myself out of bed. The cold floor makes me want to climb right back into bed, but unlike Bear I have to get to work.

* * *

Paylor quickly appoints her Executive Council, as well as Secretaries of main government agencies. We were a little surprised when President Paylor appointed a Capitol Gamemaker, Plutach Heavensbee, as Secretary of Communications, but apparently he was a key figure in the rebellion and played a part in orchestrating the rebel broadcasts during the war. Not a week after the elections, the sensationalist coverage of Katniss' trial begins.

The entire trial is being broadcast along with commentary from one of the regular reporters, meaning all-day broadcasts from the Capitol. On one hand, it's ridiculous. On the other hand, it's fascinating. I can't help but watch when I have the opportunity. Of course, I don't see everything but they've promised recaps in the nightly broadcasts for anyone who hasn't seen that day's events.

Based on the opening statements, the people defending Katniss are saying she's crazy, and that she hasn't been stable since the attacks on her squad in the Capitol. They say she's been traumatized and "shell shocked." I was hoping that I'd be able to see more of Katniss, but from the sound of it she's "too unstable" to appear in the courtroom let alone speak in her own defense.

Despite everything, I make an effort to pay more attention to Mick. The second day of the trial, I go with him to spend the evening with the musicians, talking with them, listening to the music, and occasionally joining Mick for a dance or two. We have a lot of fun, and I can see why he keeps coming back. By the time we leave both our faces have smiles stretched across them.

A couple days later Bear meets me at the store in the evening.

This morning there was a new message on the communicuff from Naiya, suggesting finally that we come by the apartment today after work, now that Rose has settled in and the family has returned to sector three. I've talked with Naiya about work, and she's even begun helping out again, but until now it had sounded like Rose was having a pretty rough time adjusting to being home.

Bear was perched on the edge of the bed this morning to send a message back agreeing, though almost as soon as it was sent he questioned going. I remember him suggesting I go alone.

I had asked him if he didn't want to go, and he's asked doubtfully if I thought Rose would want to see him._ "After what's happened?"_ he had asked.

I knew he was thinking about Spinner. I hadn't known what Rose would want. She was overwhelmed with just me and Naiya at the train station and from what Naiya said it hasn't gotten any better. Sitting next to him, I had laced my fingers with his and leaned my chin on his shoulder. After a moment of thought I'd said, "_I don't know. But we're her friends. I think we have to try."_

At the time I'd been thinking just about how Rose would be feeling seeing us, but since then it's occurred to me that this will be just as awkward and hard on Bear as anyone else. "Are you okay with this?" I ask him.

Walking alongside me, Bear sighs. "Yeah. It's what he'd want."

Along the way, I try to distract us both from Spinner's memory by asking Bear about the proposal the medical team submitted, but there isn't much to say after he tells me they haven't heard anything from the Capitol - now, from Paylor's administration.

At the door, we both hesitate. I shake my head at my own doubts and say, "I'm sure she wants to see both of us. If it's too much or she wants us to leave, we will."

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading. :) How do you think Rose will handle seeing Bear?**


	42. Dinner with Rose

**A/N: Sorry for the long delay. Hope you enjoy the update. :)**

* * *

Naiya welcomes us in with her usual cheerful welcome but I can tell she's tired. Rose is by her side and Naiya hugs me and then Bear as we step through the door. I give Rose a quick hug, asking her how she's doing as lightly as I can and letting go of her before any swell of emotion can hit me. Rose and Bear hug with an awkward hesitancy that seems to be on both sides. There's an awkward second before Naiya begins her usual running commentary and questions and shoos us into the dining room. Before we can settle in Rose offers to get everyone drinks and hardly waits for us to answer before hurrying from the room.

As she goes, I share a concerned look with Naiya, but she waves me off calling a thanks to Rose and saying, "I'm so glad you two came over. I'm really grateful for all your help Maddie, letting me have more time here at home. I don't know what we'd do without you darling. It was such a zoo around here, with the twins and the rest of the family. It'll be nice now that things have quieted down, for both of us. And I'm gonna be picking up my part of provisions again Maddie, I promise you. Who knows, maybe Rose will want to come in to help out sometime too."

"It's okay Naiya," I tell her. "We just want to help - if we can."

"Thank you dear," Naiya continues, "you've already been such a help. You know, when I went in to the store yesterday, everything seemed to be running fine without me. You're doing a great job. Has Tad been helping you out? We'll have to think about how the stores will change now that the war is over ..." Soon Naiya and I are engrossed in plans for the stores, Naiya continuing to ask me about details with operations until Rose reappears, bringing in drinks for everyone.

Naiya looks up at her daughter and at Bear and shakes her head. "Oh listen to me, Maddie. I'm sorry to bother you with work. I'm probably putting Barend to sleep, talking on about provisions. I just want to get caught up as quick as I can."

"So you're going back full time now?" Bear asks.

"Well ..." Naiya begins.

Rose cuts her off impatiently, "Mom I told you you didn't need to babysit me. I'm fine."

"Darling, I just wanted to spend some time with you." Naiya lets it drop, changing the topic to our evening meal. She heads to the kitchen to get everything and conversation lapses. Belatedly Bear decides to help her, and follows her out of the room.

I ask Rose, "So how've you been?"

"I'm fine. Of course I'm glad to be home but it's ... I don't know. Weird, being here."

I answer, "Well I'm glad you're back. It's great to see you." Unspoken, Spinner's death still hangs in the room.

"Have you heard from Johnny?" she asks. I have a feeling she wants to get away from Spinner's memory but can't. This is as close to Spinner as we're going to get tonight. Which is alright by me.

"No," I tell her. "He's still in a hospital in the Capitol."

When Naiya and Bear return with dinner, we turn the conversation back to district four and the rebuilding. Rose and Naiya talk about their time visiting with the family and Rose wants to hear about Mick and his stories from the fishing expeditions. Dinner is a little tense, with everyone trying to avoid the painful topics that are on all our minds. At the end of the meal, Rose offers to clear dishes, and stops me when I begin to help.

As Rose clears the table and again disappears to the kitchen, Naiya says, "Barend, Maddie said you've been working pretty hard lately. What was it again? Something with the medical group? I bet you're doing great things over there."

As Bear fills Naiya in on the basics of his work with medical, Rose returns. With a self-conscious smile she sits at the table, catching the end of Bear's description of the hospital that they've written into the proposal to the Capitol.

"They're building a hospital?" Rose asks.

"Don't know yet," Bear explains. "We sent this proposal to the Capitol, asking to build one."

"Oh," she replies flatly.

"That's fast," Naiya says, filling the silence. "Paylor's barely been in office a week and already they're taking proposals form the districts? Well maybe it really is a new world out there."

Bear answers, "They started writing it when Coin was in charge, and decided they might as well send it and hope for the best. We need it. The old infirmaries weren't nearly enough for district 4 as it was, and then there's the damage from the attacks."

"Well we need it, that's true," Naiya says.

My thoughts drift briefly to district 12, and how little medical care had been available there. I realize I didn't even know if most people had any access to medical care and how lucky I'd been. As Mayor, my father could afford the doctor in town, and the medicine for my mother's headaches. Thinking of them, I felt an empty heaviness in my chest. All that was gone now. But we're all carrying loss and grief.

I force myself back to the present. Bear is talking about how administration records showed that Snow systematically prevented any kind of support for the districts unless it benefitted the Capitol directly. "There's a lot to do. Coin had already spread the word to the district rebels about investing in the districts, that's why the medical group started all this," he says.

"Yeah, Coin knew how to get things done," Rose agreed. "If it weren't for that crazy b-" she cut herself off after a warning glance from Naiya. "Sorry mom. But she is crazy, I mean to kill the leader of the rebellion? Thinks she's something just 'cause they put her on the broadcasts." It's the first mention of the assassination or Katniss. I tense a bit, not wanting too pick a fight but still wanting to defend Katniss. Next to me, Bear must have known how I would react. His hand squeezes my thigh.

Bear sounds casual when he asks, "What do you mean? Did you ... meet her?"

Rose looks at him with a puzzled frown. "No. The squads all kept to themselves, and we weren't anywhere near her. They weren't on the frontlines until that mission they disappeared on. But one of the guys from the squad was in 2 when I was sent there. Hawthorne, he's been on the broadcasts."

"You talked to him?" I ask, feeling oddly anxious at the thought of my two worlds - twelve and four - mixing. Also, Gale seems so different in the broadcasts now, so official and - well, adult.

Rose shrugs. "Some. I mean, not casually. He ranked above me. But he led enough of our strategy meetings. From what I could tell, people were always asking him about the Mockingjay Squad and that girl. He didn't want to talk about it. So it couldn't have been good. I mean, he didn't say anything bad, but that was before we all knew how crazy she was. Before she killed Coin. He went back to the Capitol for Snow's execution."

I want to ask her more, to hear everything she knows about Gale now and compare it to the Gale I knew. To puzzle through what was happening with him and Katniss and everyone else from 12. But it's not the time or the place. Maybe some other time, I'll feel comfortable asking her. Instead I ask, "What about Paylor?"

"Never met her. But she was respected. She was a good commander, everyone said. Anyway, I don't really want to talk about the war. When will you find out about the hospital?" she asks.

Bear shrugs. "Soon I hope. Now that Paylor's assigned that Executive Council."

The rest of the evening passes quietly. I can tell Rose is feeling cooped up in the apartment, and hope that she and I get more time together soon. Rose tells us that she's hoping to come by provisions soon. We don't mention Spinner or the other deaths that haunt us, but Rose hugs both me and Bear fiercely when we leave, and I'm sure she'll talk about it when she's ready.

* * *

A few days later I'm writing out some notes from my last meeting with Naiya when Bear hurries into the apartment. "Madge! Guess what!"

"What?" I ask him, setting down the work.

He grins at me, his whole face lit up with his excitement. "we got it! We got it. The hospital, they're gonna build it."

My eyes widen with happy surprise. "That's so great! I knew it, I knew you would get it." Leaping to my feet I throw my arms around his neck. Bear lifts me in a hug an spins me around, squeezing me tightly to him before setting me back down on my feet.

Mick hearing the noise comes to join us and Bear tells us both about the announcement.


	43. Identity crisis

**A/N: Happy update day! :) Thanks for reading and for all your support for this story.**

* * *

"You ready?" Mick eyes me impatiently. Apparently waiting five minutes is too much to ask. I'm guessing he's so antsy because he'd planned to go out last night, but stayed in to celebrate with us after Bear's announcement about the hospital.

"Almost," I answer as I tie my shoes. I'm looking forward to hearing the musicians and dancing with Mick and his friends. I feel a touch of guilt, thinking that I'm usurping his scene. Earlier today Rose came to the store and I invited her to join us. Much to my surprise, Bear decided at the last minute to come along too. Only he'd already gotten home late from a long day and now we were a little behind schedule.

I don't know if Rose will actually come. Today was the first time I'd seen her since our dinner. She seemed to be doing pretty well at the store. She came around lunch time and stayed for most of the afternoon to help out, but she still seemed unusually quiet. She didn't seem very interested in anything. I think she's coping okay, but we still haven't talked about Spinner so I'm not sure. We barely talked at all in fact, beyond the basics for work. I thought dancing might give us a chance to connect. We definitely need some girl time.

Mick drops on to the couch with arms crossed as if to suggest Bear and I will never be ready.

"Bear!" I shout. "Come on, or Mick's gonna kill us both."

"I'm coming," he yells back, emerging from our room and giving me an aggrieved look. His well-worn brown canvas bag hangs from a shoulder. I look questioningly from it to him, wondering what he's bringing along, but he just smiles back without a word.

As we follow Mick out of the building, he asks Bear "you decided you like dancin' yet?"

A corner of Bear's mouth turns upward as he answers, "Nah, it's not really my thing. But I'll dance with Maddie if she wants." He makes it sounds like I'm dragging him along tonight, but that's not true.

I glance toward him, wondering what he means. I didn't even ask Bear to come tonight. I like when he comes, but I don't mind if he doesn't. Dancing exhilarates me. It's fun and freeing, and it's a great escape from our regular routine. For me. And for Mick, even more so. Every once in a while, I will ask Bear to come – to humor me and dance with me. He's not the best dancer in the room, but he's not bad. And there's something special about dancing with someone you love.

But tonight I didn't pressure or even ask him so I protest, "You chose to come!"

"I chose to come," he agreed "with my own free will, I have not been persuaded or coerced to come with you tonight." Like a pledge of loyalty. I give him a dirty look.

Mick looks at us both like we're nuts. "So you're coming to dance with Maddie even though she didn't ask you to?"

"Am I not welcome?" Bear jokes. "I'm coming. I didn't say I'm dancing."

Mick looks to me for help, but I just shrug. If Bear wants to be inscrutable tonight, I'm not going to try to puzzle him out.

Instead I ask no one in particular, "Do you think Rose will come? I hope she does – I think a night out would do her good."

"Don't get your hopes up," Bear suggests.

Mick hurries us on our way to the old school building where lively music is already emanating out onto the street. I hesitate at the door, taking a second look down the street for Rose before following them into the building.

Inside a good sized crowd has gathered around the musicians. Mick immediately gets pulled into the crowd of dancers while I stick with Bear and find a couple of empty chairs along a wall. He sits down and leans back as if to relax.

"Are you just going to sit here?" I ask him.

Smirking he answers, "why not?"

"Then why come? You know you don't have to."

"I wanted to."

"That doesn't make sense," I huff.

"If you want me to dance, let me know," he says calmly as he swings his bag off his shoulder.

I imagine that I'll ask him, if he's just sitting here all night. Sure it can be nice watching the dancing – for a little while. It must get old though. He must have brought something to entertain himself, otherwise it would be a colossal waste of time. Probably he brought work along. I know he has plenty to do, now that there's a hospital to be built. I figure I will wait a few songs and see if he seems bored, then ask him for a dance. "Then I guess I'll go join the dancers. If you see Rose send her my way!"

Before I can turn to leave, Bear lifts his eyebrows in expectation, making me pause. From the bag he pulls out a spiral notebook of clean, white pages. Grinning, he admits "I got a new sketchbook. Thought I'd find some inspiration here."

I shake my head at him but can't help but laugh at his silly charade, now that I know why he came. "And here I thought you brought work."

"Nah it was time for a break. Anyway they're sending some consultants from the Capitol next week. Guess we can't be trusted to build a hospital ourselves, but there's not too much to do. For now." Realizing he's now talking work on what is supposed to be a night off, he flips open his notebook and gestures for me to be on my way.

Trusting that Bear will be happily occupied, I join the dancers and let the music flow through me. The partner dances are my favorite. I think of them as a sort of conversation with my partner. Mick is especially fun to dance with. I'm convinced he's the best dancer in the district and he definitely knows more styles of dance than anyone else here. His enthusiasm seems to infect those around him. Several times I notice him teaching some basic pattern of dance steps to one or another of the newer visitors. With the others I dance to song after song from the musicians, taking a few water breaks which also give me the chance to peer over Bear's shoulder and see what his pencils are recreating on the page. Before I know it, my legs ache and I admit my exhaustion. After a quick search I spot Mick dancing across the room, looking as full of energy as when we arrived. Rose isn't around. With a sigh I rejoin Bear.

"Having fun?" he asks.

I grin. "I'm _done_. No sign of Rose?"

"No. Sorry."

"What are you working on?"

Bear shows me the open page of his sketchbook, on which he's sketched out a sea of lively dancers with musicians clustered in one corner. Looking across the room, I recognize that the crowd has thinned and the crowded dance floor from his sketch is growing sparse in reality.

"We've lost a few along the way I guess. How long have you been working on that?"

"A while. I started it earlier, and came back to work on some detail. Now that it's not quite so chaotic."

"What else have you drawn?"

I lean into him and he flips through the pages. There are several close-ups of dancers in addition to the scene I've just seen. A couple of them are of me. I think it's lucky that my face is already pink from the extended exertion of dancing, hiding my blush.

"They're really good," I tell him.

"They're not done yet." He closes the notebook and tucks everything back into his canvas bag. "Should we see if Mick is ready?"

We wind up waiting for another couple of songs until Mick is ready to go, and walk back together in the cold. I fall asleep so quickly I don't remember my head even touching the pillow.

* * *

I stare out at the low clouds hovering over the sleepy district streets. Now that the evening broadcast is over Mick has quietly left for a second night in a row of dancing and music, leaving me alone with Bear. Tonight the broadcast included footage of district 12 rebuilding. Even watching the broadcast I could feel Bear and Mick's eyes on me. It hurt, to see district 12 and to be reminded of my family and everyone who didn't make it. But it wasn't the overwhelming pain that hit me when I first saw district 12 bombed. Those bombs that once shattered my heart have lost their force, and now the hurt is just a dull ache that haunts me.

Nobody said anything but I could feel their question in the air. District 12 is being rebuilt.

"I'm not going back," I repeat quietly. I have no reason to go. My family is gone. Anybody from 12 would just see me as the Mayor's little girl. Everyone who survived had either been in the games, or been rescued by district 13. I am an outsider. At best I'd be seen as the Mayor's daughter – and by Seam standards that would probably be bad enough. At worst, would they think I was a traitor?

Bear wraps his arms around me and I lean back into him. Looking over my shoulder to the darkened street, he presses the issue. "Just because you're from district 12 doesn't mean you'd have to go back. But you could be you again." It's not what I expected. I know Bear won't let me alone to ponder again just how bad it would be to go back to district 12. But becoming Madge again here? Does he think that's possible?

"I am me. The name doesn't change that."

"But you wouldn't have to lie."

Bear knows that I have never been happy about lying to Rose and to Naiya. Still, it hardly seems like telling them the truth is going to help anyone.

It's not that I haven't thought about it. I have wondered how the women would react if I told them the truth. I've wondered what it would mean to the new government. I don't know what was supposed to happen at the end of the war. Any plan that had been in place when I left district 12 had been erased by Capitol bombs. My parents and my aunt, who could have maybe helped me know what to do, are gone too.

I have thought about whether it would matter to anyone, that I survived, or that I escaped. It's the escape that worries me. To survivors in district 12 it could be seen the wrong way, seem to implicate my father and make them think he knew what was coming. Knew and did nothing.

No, it was worse than that. He saved my life. If he had known about the bombing and saved his own daughter, that was worse than doing nothing. I knew my father would never have sacrificed the entire district. If he'd known about the bombing, or any imminent attack, he would have done whatever he could to protect the district, to save people. Not that I knew what he could have done. But I knew he'd have done something.

No, my father couldn't have known what was coming. Not fully. The best I can guess, he thought war was coming and thought I'd be safer as an unknown hideaway in 4 than a target in 12. But who from home would see it that way? All they would see was a Mayor who sent his daughter out of the district days before it was destroyed. And they would blame him. For everything.

The more I've thought about it, the more it seemed that everyone – even people here in district four – would think the worst. I couldn't do that to my father's memory. I would never go back to district 12. I would never let anyone know I'd survived.

I hadn't thought it would even come up. District 4 was big, far bigger than 12 had been, and the war had left far too many people alone in this world, with no family. I blended in just fine here. But now Bear has me worrying all over again. And I don't even understand why.

I ask him, "What brought this on? This isn't just from the broadcast."

Bear doesn't answer, just drops his head toward my shoulder.

"What is it Bear? Tell me."

Reluctantly he lets go of me, walking a few paces to pick up his tablet, and taps on the screen until he's found what he's looking for. Instead of handing it to me, he sits on the couch. "I have to tell you something first."

"What?"

Once I'm sitting next to him, he begins.

"The Capitol had the districts track everyone. They used it for the reapings and tesserae, and other things too. "

"So?"

Bear sighs. "So, there's no Maddie Amelin in the historic records. You're in the new system, but not the old one – and I doubt anyone will go digging, but – they might, I don't know. The thing is, I have access to the old files. If you wanted – we could put you in them."

"But … that sounds serious, Bear. What if you were caught? Wouldn't you get in trouble?"

"We both would. But, they're not using those files, not yet anyway. I could do it without anyone knowing. I'm positive. But … " Bear hesitates.

"But what?"

"You couldn't be both. Maddie and Madge. You couldn't ever be Madge again. It's one thing to use a new name after the war. You could come clean tomorrow, or sometime down the road. Go back, if you wanted. It probably wouldn't be too bad. But if we did this – well, my guess is it would be worse. Maybe a lot worse, I don't know."

"But if I stay here, and they ever use those files, they could figure out I'm not an Amelin."

Bear nods.

"Then we should do it."

"It's not that easy," he counters.

I purse my lips, confident that I'm not going to change my mind.

Wordlessly he hands me the tablet. It takes me a minute to read the screen. It's information about the people from the Capitol coming to help with the new medical facility. He mentioned a team was being sent to lead the effort. Along with some generic information is a list of names. The first two names mean nothing to me. The third name down is Carolyn Everdeen.

"Mrs. Everdeen? She's coming here?"

"She's coming. And from what you've told me –"

Bear has heard enough about my life in district 12 to know that I ate plenty of dinners at the Everdeen's table. It's hard to believe that was only a year ago. Surely she'd recognize me, even here in district 12.

I finish Bear's thought. "She'll know who I am. The minute she sees me." If she sees me. A million questions begin flooding my thoughts.

"That was my thought," he agreed.

I try to think it through. She'd recognize me, right? Of course she would. Do I want her to recognize me? How would she react? Would she be happy to see me? Or would I just remind her of district 12?

"You haven't been Maddie that long. The war just ended. It wouldn't be a huge deal. Maybe it means something," Bear prods gently.

"Maybe," I answer noncommittally.

I look back to the window, this time remembering my own faint reflection. Do I look any different now than when I first came? I doubt the green contacts would throw Mrs. Everdeen. I'm stronger. And uhh, slightly rounder. Curvier, Bear would say. But mostly I look the same to me.

I could change my appearance. Cut my hair short. Maybe even dye it. Shave it off entirely. Would that be too extreme?

I could just wait and see what happens. Or I could say who I really am.

What do I do?

* * *

**A/N: What do you think will happen? Would Mrs E recognize Madge? Should Madge stay under cover or admit who she is?**


End file.
